my "evil" plan….more like: what I did in NC and what I'll do to have him back

yeah I get it, I don’t want that night to repeat. I’ll just treat him like a friend.

I think I did well to don’t question or became needy after the night, I mean wouldn’t it be worse if I began to expect something from him after that?….or to be needy and demand explanation or asking to get back since it was the one that came to me …I didn’t do any of this, I told him that I was cool about it.
I don’t think that it will happen again because that was something totally unexpected, It’ll be very difficoult to have a chance like that,and even if there was one I’ll not give in.
I’ll explain that I have great respect for me now (which I didn’t have in the past), and he can’t just come to me whenever he wants, he’s not my world anymore.It was just one night we didn’t get back together and then he b
roke it off again in the morning.

About the text thing…he rarely ever texted me or his friends even when we were still together, he doesn’t care much about texting apart from making quick plans like what to do in the night or when going out. So is really not his style, and I’m pretty sure he won’t text me out of nowhere if it’s not to make plans,but for that we text another friend.

Anyway…the thing is….he broke up with me saying that he loves me but not in love wih me ecc ecc and that he lost attraction (I’ve put on weight and I wasn’t the funny,happy girl he fell in lovve with anymore, in fact I was broody,sad,nervous and that ruined everything).
I mean if you don’t feel at least of attraction you don’t try to have sex to that person….he’s not that kind of guy trust me, he never use people, he’s a great guy.
I changed a lot after he broke up with me, I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m more active. When we met with the group of friends I’ve been fun,happy and confident, I had this glow of a new person around me, and I want him to see it.

but do you think I’m on the right path…?

I could do the no conctact him thing , but there is the problem that I established the false friendship already, wouldn’t that be weird?

I mean…I recently started to go out with the old group, which is basically all the friends I have and the ones I care the most, and he is always with them, we have the same group of friends,so we all go out together.
I did my NCP with him mostly but with my friends too because where they were he was there too so I couldn’t go out with them.

He’s already seeing the new me, I think he needs to see that it’s permanent, I’m like this now, I’m still the girl you fell in love with not the one that you lost attraction to.
Is it still ok doing the NC on the phone with him, but still going out with everyone he included?…
I mean making plans with the group and not with him directly which I didn’t do,I always asked his best friend or my girl-friend.

The NCP actually made me realise the reason of the break up….I had the most fault, but he also has faults.
In the beginning I’ll say 2 years in the relationship everything was still almost perfect after the bliss stage.
During the third year we began to become more stressed and nervous, we had a lot of little fights for stupid things, mostly because I was clingy, needy and when he would do things that made me mad or if something was wrong I never speak up…so I just stayed silent but my mood was ruined and that made him angry every time.

He always said that he wanted someone who was strong,determinate, that speak his mind and that keep the head up even in a fight, he said that when we fight I should be agry with him and not just say the he was right if I didn’t think it was just to end the fight….and I never did that.

I was so scared to lose him that I wasn’t enjoying myself when we hang out with the others because I wanted his whole attention, and when he could see that I was always angry or sad, that make him angry too, because he wanted someone to have fun with and not someone who ruin the group entire mood, someone who knows how to have fun.

He always said that I needed to stop building my world around him, he wasn’t my entire life and that I needed to be more indipendent from him,I depend on him too much in the past.

All those things put together with my stress and his stress with two works and college made things go as they are now…

He said that he wasn’t happy, and if he wasn’t happy he couldn’t make me happy and things couldn’t be like this anymore.
And this was the 22th of june.

now I’ve completely changed, I’m more confident,I feel good in my skin, yes I have still some things to change phyically but I love my body now,I’m not trying to cover it ahaha in fact I’m showing off a bit ( something that I’ve never did).
I’m happy,I laugh a lot,I make jokes I’m almost became the almost most active and crazy person in the group. I have a lot of fun ideas for the rest of the summer, and I need to spend as much time as I can to let him see that I’ve changed.

I hope that from his behavior that I’ve descrived he is seeying it…for now it’s just falsefriendship…but I really want to not get stuck in that for too long.

What do you think?
It’s still early, but what can I do to not be stuck in false friendship? and how much time do I need to continue this before it’s the right time to plant the idea of get together again? I know he has to be his idea, but there is something I could do in false friendship to making him starting to think about it

ahahaha he is a thick head one. He ‘s not really aware of someone feelings not just mine,and he is not a really sensitive guy….but his mother always told him to no taking it that bad because she says that he became like his after his father death which happened 2/3 months before we started dating.
The things that drived me really mad was that when we went out in group he didn’t pay much attentio to me, but now I understand that that was because he didn’t want his friend to feel left out,he didn’t like to be all lovely dovely when we were not alone in fact when we go out now there is a couple with us and it’s kind of embarassing having them glued to eachother all the time.

He has his flaws but after thinking deeply over them I understand that he his like this…I fell in love with that him and he never changed…I did and in the worst. The worst mistake I did was nagging him about those things, and never stood up on him when fighting, I was weak and servile.
I’m glad that I changed that, I hope he’ll see it, in time.

I’ll do my very best in this….I know that if we get back together with all the changes that I did we can restart a completely new and healthy relationship
Because now I’m complete,I don’t need him to fill a void, I’d like to share my whole new self to him. He is not my life and my world, but I’d like that we would share ours.

ahhaah I don’t know if I explained it well, hope you’ll understand

and another thing…

is it ok or a mistake to remeber things of the past that we did? Especially if thery are things that happen when everything was great?

for example….when in group we’re talking about something that link to something that me and him shared, is it ok to casually talk about it?

like maybe we are talking about a specific place, and maybe is somewhere that me and him visited, so I casually mention it like :

ah yes (watching him) we went there remeber? (then focus on the group again) and it was an amazing place bla bla bla.

or maybe we pass near a restaurant that me and him had a great night, and I point it at my girl-friend and say :
that place is great! you should go with [his boyfriend’s name], ahahah don’t go for the wine, the last time we got drunk

Hey a.z! long time ! hope things are all well for you!
Thanks for aswering!

yeah ahahah I realised that too. =D I’ve never mention it to him since it happened.

I actually talked to his mother about what happened because she suspected it, ahhaha she saw it right away.
Se said that I should take that night as it was and to not think about it much, but to see the bright side which is the fact that he feels attraction to me again or he wouldn’t have do it, and to not listen to one of my friend who said that he was just “hungry” because she knows his son and he is not that kind of guy even if at our age most of them are like this.
I’ve always liked how he was not like any other shallow guys,he’s very kind,and has great principles.
what happened happened and now it’s in the past that’s it.

She also said that maybe he likes how things are now and he could also like how I am now or he wouldn’t want to hang out with me,but he is enjoying his freedom to do all his activities without having to wonder if he had plans with me or other things to do with me…..that was something I used to do.
Like I always tried to spend time with him and maybe most of times he didn’t do what he wanted to do because I forced him.
And he could be afraid that if he come back with me I’ll change back.
So I need to have patience and let him see the new me in a long period of time. Hope I explained it well.