-
Posts
-
Casual dating is fun if both sides know that it’s just that -fun- and nothing else, otherwise, someone gets hurt, and I don’t want that, which is why I didn’t contact that girl.
What scares me, still scares me after all these months is that we’ll lose one another forever, and I know it’s a risk I must take, and I wrote that in my email, but I still dread the day where she’s nothing more than a memory. But that’s the situation and I have to make the best of it.
As to reconciling, well, as I’ve told you, she tried dating but I guess they weren’t right for her, so she either came back cuz she realized it and then realized she can’t be with me yet, or I acted as a safety net. But again, no point in guessing here. We’ll see how I feel a month from now.
Now back to you. Why was your day shitty and how did you manage to stay on top? I know in my case there’s no point in calling her but it still doesn’t make it easier, I guess that’s how you feel too huh?
yes exactly but not every girl you go on a date with will want something serious! i had a fun fling that lasted about 6 weeks but it fizzled out. i was up front with him about where i am in dealing with my break up process and he wasnt looking for anything serious so it just worked out.
unfortunately, whether or not you lose each other forever isn’t really in your control right now and it sucks. if you had it your way, you would be with her right now. i feel the same – i can accept some time off but its scary to envision a future without him but all you can do is live in the present moment. she doesnt want to be with you right now so live your life in the present moment and nobody knows what the future will bring. you just have to wait and see.
also in her situation, i don’t think its so much about these other guys. she may not meet someone else she wants to date for many more years! that doesnt necessarily mean she will want to get back together. on the flip side, she could find herself dating someone else for a couple months and realize everything is better with you. theres really just no way to know what will happen. you can’t predict it.
i just have bad days every once in a while. i had a ton of studying to get done and was sick and just seemed to be having an off day. i just reminded myself that calling him would temporarily make me feel better but i would feel worse the next day and nothing would come out of it. plus i haven’t spoken to him in about 5 weeks and i didnt want to start from zero again. every time i reach out its like resetting the clock and starting over again and I’ve made a lot of progress so i didnt want to. plus, i really have been feeling stronger overall and didnt want to reach out to him in a weak moment – i would’ve looked like i was still weak. plus if we do reconcile i want it to come from him so he would need to reach out to me. nothing i say would make a difference right now.
Had a bad moment. We started the second semester today and I just saw her, said hi and moved along.
I got a new, short haircut last week, so she was kinda surprised.
I just mailed her “it was nice seeing you, a bit short, but fun”.
She hasn’t responded yet…I’m just bummed I sent her that, but I just didn’t want her to feel I was ignoring her or whatever
don’t say anything else!! leave it at that. she may not responds. don’t beat yourself up. just erase the messages and start again.
atea could you read my topic please? I really like your input
I am really worried today a mutual friend said she was gonna talk to him to give him her perspective since none of his other friends deals with me on a regular basis. I am affraid he will say he doesn’t feel the same about me… although just two weeks ago he said he would like to get back but isn’t ready and doesn’t know when he will … https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/he-says-he-would-like-to-get-back-but/page/3/
It turned into a conversation…such a mistake, and I feel like an idiot…
Thought I was stronger than that, I’m incredibly disappointed with myself.
Gonna reset NC, never should’ve messages her but what’s done is done…gonna be stronger so it doesn’t happen again.
How do you get over that shitty weak feeling?
You remember how you’re feeling exactly at this point in time and next time you’re feeling weak you won’t want to reach out. Every time you do it will make yourself feel worse and push her further away and will cause you to have to start over which sucks because the first couple of days are always the hardest.
Honestly what helped me was that I broke it enough times to know I would regret it and I got far enough along that I didn’t want to start over so I just don’t have the desire anymore. Sometimes you need to make the mistake a couple of times before you’re ready to stick to it. It happens to everyone – don’t dwell on it.
I’m afraid I’m gone dwell on it for a bit lol…I feel like such an idiot, and I hope to God I didn’t ruin my chances with her, not just a relationship…
I didn’t do anything wrong really, but reaching out when I know I shouldn’t have feels like I’m ruining my progress, so why am I more worried about me and her than just me?
you really have to try to stop thinking about everything in terms of ruining your chances. if a couple texts here and there really “ruins your chances” with her then clearly there wasn’t a very strong connection and its a good thing the relationship ended. if there is real love and a true connection then it will work itself out in time and it will not matter what you did or didnt text her. the reason you should be upset is because you ruined your own progress of moving forward and thats all you should be focusing on right now. for right now you need to accept that she does not want a relationship with you – period. we don’t know whether or not she will in the future so you can’t plan your life around “maybe”.
you should be upset because you reopened the wound and subjected yourself to more hurt. don’t be upset because you “ruined” your chances. the text you sent today should have no impact on whether or not you reconcile going forward.
It wasn’t just a text, it was an entire conversation…it’s upsetting to see how I’m not a priority for her anymore; NC is fine, none of us should go out of our way to talk, but if we are, I can’t understand why she’d act that way when only a month ago she was trying to get back. The fact she doesn’t wanna get back right now is understandable, but acting like she doesn’t care at all from the person in front of her is another thing.
thats exactly why you shouldn’t break nc – you will only end up getting hurt. was it a bad conversation?
i think hopefully this will motivate you to stay in nc right now. people change their minds all the time and you can’t fault her for feeling or not feeling a certain way. a month from now, she could feel entirely different again. thats why its hard to keep talking. it screws with your brain.
It wasn’t bad in the sense that we didn’t argue or anything, I asked her if she wants to meet for coffee after school, as friends, nothing more, cuz right now I can’t handle it being more, neither can she; she refused, I suggested something else, she refused again.
Then she used the excuse she always uses lately which is that if I respect her and want her to succeed in school, I won’t contact her.
Obviously, I care and she’s right, but the way she keeps saying that if I respect her, without her respecting what the other side wants, doesn’t work.
I told her I wanna talk about something important, that I don’t wanna hurt her or anything, and I think she thought I meant that I found someone. I didn’t, because, as you know, I’m not looking. She responded the same way.
Second before last thing I wrote her was- “I’m sorry this is turning into an argument. I only want what’s best for you, but reciprocity is important, and if I say it’s important for me to talk to you and that I have something to say, it’s probably important. I know how much school is important to you, how you’ve taken a lot of courses and whatnot this semester, and still I chose to be honest and talk. You don’t have to wanna talk, but don’t think even for a second that I don’t respect, or that your success, or you for that matter, aren’t important to me, because the opposite is true.
I won’t contact you again, my intentions are good, but they’re getting misinterpreted and I end up getting hurt”.
She didn’t respond, in hindsight I think her phone died, and in yet another moment of weakness I wrote- “Called again, was filtered unsurprisingly. I wonder if you really believe I deserve this sort of behavior or it happens cuz you’re confused or a thousand other reasons. I came to you meaning well, I didn’t, and I don’t wanna hurt you and that’s why I called. It’s a shame one minute of conversation with me means so little, I thought we were in a better place”.
Shoot me please
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.