Mixed Signals and more NC- Help!

Im in the US and a masters student! but I’m glad you have a good distraction for right now. thats definitely important and very helpful during this time. and not bumping into her will help your healing greatly im sure. whenever i see my ex i feel like I’m back to square 1. I’m happy we live in a very crowded city not right nearby each other so run ins are rare! but yes i agree with you about the nc and for me as well – it will help me move on and adjust to life without him so i will be fine whether or not he comes back. and as a side benefit, it might make him really miss me and make a decision. thats exactly what my ex said to me, that we must wait for the “dust to settle”. it just makes me wonder if I’m moving on and feeling better during nc do you think that means he is too?

of course its a risk we both must take. but its true – if someone doesnt miss me after months of nc and is perfectly fine not having me in his life, then I’m glad it ended now so i can meet someone who will appreciate me more! its so interesting I’ve been talking to so many people about this and turns out a lot of couples reunite after really long nc periods, but a lot say how devastated they were about the split but through nc they just moved on. i guess only time will tell which way it will work for us! and i agree, i only want my ex to be with me if he has in fact confirmed that I’m “the one”. I’m assuming if he has he will be so much more committed to the relationship and it will be much stronger overall. I’ve already been making a lot of positive changes in my life as well, so now its just a waiting game unfortunately to see how this will all unfold!

I know its all very confusion and unfortunately i really can’t tell you why she did it. we can sit and think and ask and over analyze as much as we want (and i do this often!), but the truth is theres no way to know why she does or doesnt do certain things. thats just a fact. i think she sounds like she’s very confused. maybe she’s not sure whether or not she wants to pursue a relationship with you again or not. she’s probably torn between really trying to take space and move on or pursuing you again. she honestly probably doesnt know yet. hopefully this next nc period can give you both some clarity

Don’t do it!! Every time I break Nc I end up feeling much much worse than I was before. Resist the temptation. Every time you break it you need to start all over again and it’s not worth it! Call a friend or go do another activity. Be strong! You’ll regret giving in

My therapist told me to think of it as my choice. It’s not like I can’t text him because I can – just like you can text your ex. But she said I should consciously make the choice not to because every time I text him it resets the clock and is hindering me either moving on or hkm making the decision to come back. Congrats on resisting the urge! I know it’s so tough. Hang in there

personally, in my situation, i think the ball is in his court to decide when time is up. I’ve reached out plenty in the last 4 months. he told me he could see a future with us but because we got together so long and have only ever experienced each other, he would always resent me for not taking time away to look around and date other girls and make sure I’m truly the one for him. so theres not really anything i can do about that. i wont be his friend. and he knows the door is open to let me know when he feels ready. so for now, i don’t plan on breaking nc at all. he will let me know if at a point he feels ready but i need to continue to move on and not wait around for him because the truth is i have no idea if he will actually come back or even if he is, it could be in years. so in my situation i think he needs to really fear I’m moving on which i think nc will show him because up till now I’ve been terrible at keeping it. but now i feel extremely motivated so we will see.
personally, if i were you i would try to see if and when she will break nc. she knows how you feel about wanting to start things. if you haven’t heard from her a few months from now and you genuinely feel ready, then go for it. but i would definitely wait a significant amount of time to see if she reaches out first.

we are in different situations as your relationship was 9 months and mine lasted 7 years. i think because of this, your break up doesnt necessarily need to be as long as mine. if my ex or i can both move on from 7 years in a few months, then i don’t want to end up with him anyway because there clearly wasn’t enough love there to keep it together. he ended things to truly find out if I’m the one and this must take time for him after 7 years. i know he didn’t date at all the first 3 months because he was still thinking and processing it all so I’m assuming he’s just starting to now so he will definitely need at least a few more months moving forward. if 3 months nc makes him move on from me then i really just question the overall strength and connection of our relationship. but i do see how your situation is different – after dating 9 months youre not going to split for 9 months and equal the length of the relationship. she broke up with you so she was taking the risk of you moving on regardless. personally, i think it would seem a bit needy to contact her on the exact date you agreed upon to me. if i were her, i would imagine you just would have been waiting around for the calendar to reach feb 23 so you could reach out. I’m very big for planning things too but as I’ve realized from going through this breakup its just nearly impossible to plan how you’ll feel when and even more impossible to plan how your ex will feel, who they might meet etc. i would wait and see if she contacts you on feb 23 and if she doesnt, i would wait one more week and contact in the beginning of march.

i think a lot of people just say to have no hope and move on but i disagree! you know your relationship better than anyone. if you think its worth saving and worth fighting for then listen to your gut, but just put yourself first. i believe after the next period of nc if you still want to be with her, go for it. whats there to lose at this point? you already aren’t together and maybe shell have a change of heart. stay strong!