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I’m glad your sticking to it now! Sometimes we have to learn from our mistakes, that’s how I learned. I’m very stubborn and I thought that I could get him back in my own way and that as long as we were on speaking terms we could somehow work it out. I was so wrong haha.
exactly! its the biggest mistake haha
but i will say my ex and i have been on “no contact” before.
I left for 3 months and we didn’t talk, i was actually in another relationship and we got over each other. When i came back we became friends again and both of us was in relationships, but after not seeing each other for so long it was fresh feelings, and we feel in love pretty hard again, that time it was really on my terms. This time is basically on hers, so its worked before, it was messed up because we was both in relationships with people that didn’t make us happy and took basically a year for that to end, and it was very emotional during that time. So when we finally dated it was already too much emotional problems that never went away.
Mainly i wasn’t emotionally available but didn’t want to hurt her feelings anymore by not dating her, it did way more harm than good because i never took the time to get over the relationship that i just got out of (her relationship ended 2 months before mine and she was over it)
so hopefully this is the last time “bad timing” gets in the way. Regardless if we get back together or not though, i have learned ALOT, and i know ill be okay.
Just have a plan and STICK TO IT BY ALL MEANS.
will say helping other on the forums helps greatly, you even learn stuff about yourself. So during the time of no contact i encourage to continue helping others with their struggle it will give you strength to stick to it yourself.
My ex is a very forgiving person though and carrying, not very stubborn, so your ex will be a lot tougher to break through, make sure you let us know how the contact goes when you do it!
How come you guys are so confident in no contact? Show me the ways!!!
He never called me back or anything. Bad sign or for the best?
Oh wow, mosis. You have been through quite the journey with your ex. I commend you for sticking to it. You must really love her. I agree, it has helped to listen to others stories on here and to help others.
I will keep you all posted, it’s not going to be easy with his stubbornness. He also holds grudges and doesn’t get over things easily. So we will see where his head is at in a few days. I think there are also some major things that will need to change if we get a second chance at our relationship. I don’t know, I’ll see what happens in a few days. But I have kind of moved on without really moving on if you know what I mean. I still want him and I still want to see what we could be, but I know I’ll be okay if it doesn’t work. I’m managing my expectations.
Thank you for the support!
Ras217, probably because I have tried everything else and failed. And I know a friend that it worked for. I also follow this relationship expert (I don’t think I’m allowed to link to his site on here) and he talks about tons of success stories. NC is not a cure all. It’s just the first step. But I’m a believer now, it’s crucial. Also, I’m pretty much done with NC, I’m about to be on day 30. And my goal with NC was to not only make my ex miss me but to heal from the heartbreak. I don’t know if he misses me. But I do know how I feel and I feel SO much better.
I wouldn’t focus on his contact with you if I were you, you are going to drive yourself crazy. It’s probably for the best since it takes away the temptation of you answering his call and breaking no contact.
It is hard because you are fresh in it @Ras217 but no contact is super important, there are a lot of benefits, but the main one is so that you don’t get super emotional and mess things up, you have to think with a clear head. Also after no contact your feelings for each other settle in a way. Like i said, i became much close with the recent ex even though we was in relationships because the feelings of being together wasn’t there but we still grew closer to each other, had we not had time apart that wasn’t possible.
Its really tough concept to grab because your emotions are involved, but so many people have done it and aren’t bs’ing you on that. have to have some faith 🙂 because doing it yourself with no plan and support to keep you logical and focused is tough and can lead you to make emotional and damaging choices
but trust me, it may seem like forever but you will feel better again when the storm cloud clears 🙂
I have a question. Based on what I’ve told you guys… think it’s possible he lost feelings for me and the job stuff was an excuse? Even though I saw physical signs of stress (sex drive decreased) and everything in his work seemed to be crashing… I got this overwhelming fear he was using the job as an excuse. Am I thinking crazy?
I don’t think you are thinking crazy. I have that same wonder about my ex and using his job as an excuse. Also, I think sometimes they don’t want to hurt our feelings so they use excuses in an attempt to “soften” the blow. But maybe it is really job stuff. I know guys get a lot of self worth from a job.
How are you doing?
My friends ex used to tell her that all the time, and i think it really is the job causing some stress, but i think it is an excuse to not address the problems and work them out with you. She eventually broke it off with him, and he def came crawling back to her (which she wasn’t receptive of) but in your case if you move on i think i would kick that bucket and wise up eventually but you can’t be hanging around letting him put you through the emotional damage of waiting for him to make a decision.
So…. we talked again. I know, I know… I didn’t go NC.
Here’s the story:
He called but I didn’t see til an hour later. I sorta made it sound like I was on a date… Oops. ;).
We talked more about the dog stuff. Talked a little about my health stuff. He asked why I never called him back yesterday (wasn’t aware I was supposed to). I thought it was funny I inadvertently made him chase me by not knowing I was supposed to call him back. He mentioned a few things in his life, told me things have gotten worse and he’s having a really hard time. I told him it’ll get better. He appreciated my optimism.
He said to let him know what happens with my health stuff. I asked why. He said cause he still cares about me. Then said he’d still like to talk from time to time. I told him I didn’t want to be pen pals and just talk on the phone. He said “we’re not pen pals. It won’t be this way forever. I’m going through so much right now. This is only temporary. And I’ll reach out to you when I’m ready”.
Basically saying he still wants me in his life, can’t focus on a relationship YET, but this isn’t over forever?
I believe him that this isn’t about me. It IS him and he’s dealing with it.
Ahhhhh. Thoughts?
There is no solution for everything 🙂 If you contact during no contact it can mess things up if they have negative feelings towards you but breaking no contact (depending on the relationship) all depends on how you are communicating while you contact them. Most people go the begging and emotions route. But you did really great 🙂 even if by accident lol
But yeah i still wouldn’t get too comfortable, because what he is basically telling you is to pursue him and that can greatly backfire. Its good being supportive but he is putting you on a schedule to keep up with HIS life, and reach out to him.
You never know how long this will take to end, and you can’t put your life on pause being his foot stool. If he was saying that he wanted to be in a relationship and y’all work it out together that is VERY different then being apart. You should continue to be supportive if HE reaches out to you, also make sure you keep the image that you have a life and have other things going on. All about the chase 🙂 If you don’t you could be babying him to stay the way he is and make the process take even longer
I just wouldn’t contact him/initiate contact. If he calls and you want to pick up fine. But at least let him chase you. I still think NC would work best, but that’s just me. 🙂
I just hope he’s not stringing you along. It’s great that he still cares about you, but something just feels off to me to be honest.
Based on what I said… think I’m heading in the right direction?
He knows I’m living life. He knows I have my own stuff going on. He said his stuff is being worked out. And sorta hinted he still cares/will reach out when he’s ready?
No I’m not going to put my life on hold, but if timing is right… and things work out… I’ll be happy. 🙂
Also I only included the big details in our convo. We talked about lots of stuff too. Good stuff too.
Thoughts?!
Agree with @Dopierk i unknowingly strung my ex along basically saying the same stuff he says, but if she went no contact on me i would have got over the stuff real quick. If you don’t go no contact, don’t let him make to the “contacter” (not a word) haha but whatever he is going through that is stopping y’all form being together HE has to deal with, and if he wants you in on that process he needs to actually let you in, not “ill hit you when I’m ready” and “we can talk sometimes” you gotta respect yourself 🙂
I know this would sound off to anyone. But he’s honestly not the “game playing” type. I was involved with many guys like that and he isn’t one of them.
I agree tho… he needs to contact.
How come you think it sounds off?
Well i don’t think it is a game he is playing. I def wasn’t trying to play games with my ex either, i kept contact with her because i cared about her and loved her, but i was going through my own situations. Which cause her a lot of “false hope” in a sense waiting on me to get over my stuff on my own timing without a commitment from me really.
Waiting on him is a judgement call you have to make for yourself, just saying it can get pretty lonely and don’t want to see your feelings hurt being told “hang on” with no end date of how long you have to be his support system without actually being with him. Also means he has the right to be with other women, (not that its his goal) but you aren entering the emotional connection again and wires are easily crossed in the situation it looks like you are heading.
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