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You guys are sure about this huh? Just so I make sure I understand.
No contact. Puts me back in control. He’ll still miss me? And eventually start to chase me/realize he misses me again?
Like I wrote in the beginning… he ended things not because of a bad relationship but because he wasn’t/isn’t the right frame of mind.
I almost think answering his calls and THEN going no contact was a great thing to have happened. I made him laugh during those calls. I even sorta turned him on. That’s the last he’ll remember and then really start to miss what we had….
Am I way off here?
I’ll see how I feel when he reaches out again. The only time I initiated is when he asked me to call him when I got home. When I called he said he was just about to txt me. Doh! Haha.
Ugh guys this has been a whirlwind of a week.
But based on what I told you guys today…. do you think it’s in my favor that he’ll come back?
I am 100% certain. This is the best way to get him back. And it’s not no contact forever. It’s just 30 days. After that you can talk to him again. Trust me you feel so much better about yourself after the 30 days. I’m on day 29 and I feel a million times better about everything than I did. I was a doubter before I started this, I thought I could do things my way and make it work. I couldn’t be more wrong. No contact is not just about making him miss you. It’s also about focusing on YOU. Remember you are the most important thing in your life. Yourself is your priority. NC is about healing and about getting happy without your ex. So many people say a break up is like breaking a drug addiction. You need to break your addiction to your ex. It’s going to be really, really hard. You are going to get upset. It will hurt like hell but in the end you will be stronger. You will have a clearer head, you will feel more contact and hopefully you will get him back. Think big picture.
Thats a great ending, but yes he will miss it more if he isn’t getting it form you. I def wasn’t ready for the relationship when i got into it, but because my ex kept pursing me it was only causing more problems because the fact its a lot of emotional thinking when you are chasing him. He will start to only think about the feel good feelings you give him, but not the relationship. You can tell him you need space, but you sound exactly how the relationship was with me after we broke up. There was still phone calls and flirting, we even made out a few times. Then the other side of that comes in, where the “I’m not ready” finds its way back, and then you are back where you started and it will hurt, because you have put a sort of expectation in your head since things have been going well. He can’t miss the relationship if he is still getting it. Which he is, just without the title
He got those feelings today, yes, but that was it. I haven’t talked to him at all before this.
Do I have to start NC over again?
Also – have you exes reached out at all and you simply ignored them?
What’s your plan after day 30?
I’m scared!!!!
i spent basically 30 days not committing to no contact, and now emotionally my ex is more distant, after going through all the up and down phases. It sucks because you start to think “DANG IT IF JUST DID NO CONTACT THIS WHOLE MONTH I WOULD ALREADY BE BACK WORKING ON US AGAIN” but i was chasing the temporary feelings and wondering too much about what my ex thought, or felt i was being mean ect. But you have to do it for you, the same way when you are single and not involved with someone, you aren’t doing stuff to please someone else and that attracts people to you. You just gotta do stuff for you and he will be attracted and want to add to that, but not NEEDING him but allowing him to add to your happiness that you already have on your own grows the love, the real thing
You’re right…. he’s gotta see what he’s missing.
Why does my gut say I’m doing the wrong thing??
Okay i reached out to me ex, and asked them to remove me from her songs daycare contact list (because seeing him in my email made me really emotional and made me want to contact her all the time) i sent that message and didn’t reply. She was basically done with me before that, but when that happened she saw me doing stuff for myself, and she was wanting to talk again (WIN RIGHT!) no….. i feed into that we talk abit, long story short it gets emotional, the casual talk leave and the relationship talk comes up again, and i say stuff about how i care about her and her son still and I’m still motivated to do stuff because of them. She says “I wish you would have said you was doing it for you”
so basically the WHOLE 30 DAYS that i didn’t do no contact, i knew all the things to do to re attract her but i let my emotions get in the way, and everytime i did, she would say something like “I’m glad you messaged me, i was really missing you” and i shoot myself in the foot everytime because she was basically saying every time “What you was doing was working” and by contacting it just keeps messing it up if you don’t have faith in the process
Leave respectfully, don’t leave mean. Just have to say you appreciate the help, but you need time to figure out what you want, you aren’t mad at him or anything and you are okay with the break up but you need some space.
He can’t get mad at that, and if he does its because he is emotional and we react like children who can’t get the candy they are asking for.
if you aren’t contacting him, he will calm down and he will sit and think about you, and what he has done wrong, and what you have done wrong etc, he will go through the same process you are. but you will be on top again because YOU made the decision to put space for YOU and it isn’t about him anymore which will make him want to chase, if you stick to not contacting him
Yes, you have to start over all the way from day 1. It sucks I know, but it’s the most effective way.
My ex has not reached out to me during my current no contact but he is insanely stubborn and prideful. This Is like my fourth attempt at NC, every previous time I’d break on day 5 or day 7 when he contacted me. Don’t do what I did! Don’t let my experience scare you though, your ex might reach out but if he doesn’t it doesn’t mean no contact is not working. He could still miss you and not contact you. Maybe he is stubborn like mine, maybe he will contact you on day 29, who knows.
Maybe my ex doesn’t want me anymore, guess what? His loss. This 30 days has made me feel so much stronger, so empowered. Don’t you want that too? To feel better?
After tomorrow, I’m contacting him by text. I’m a firm believer in doing the things that scare you the most. Leaps of faith and taking chances.
Okay…… I’ll try this. :/
So scared tho. It was so great talking to him. I felt sooooo much at ease. I needed that feeling.
I felt that same feeling, but you are giving HIM emotional independence, which isn’t brining him any closer to you. It is just a sucky reality after the break up. The natural urge is to give it all to this person and show how much you care, but they already know that. It changes nothing for you, honestly. You want to be in a relationship again. I tell myself “I rather not talk to her for 30 days and have her for a life time than be comforted for 30 days and be questioning the rest of my life”
don’t have to be so extreme haha but thats what it is, 30 day is REALLY short in respect to your life and even the year, but it makes all the difference. if you look at it that way you will be good on feeling more confidence in going through it
You can do it! Just have faith in the process. I know it’s hard.
Mosis, you are done with no contact, right?
nooooo i have had to RESTART, which is why I’m pushing so hard to not crack haha, my ex will talk to me after no contact that isn’t a problem or a fear i have. But what I’ve learned from breaking no contact, the past 30 days, she tells me everything that i wanted to know but didn’t have faith in. She was missing me, and i feed her, she wanted to talk, and i talked, etc. Slowly giving her emotional independence. So the process was working, and instead of thinking about the bad feelings she felt “we just had bad timing, i still wanna workout” but contacting off sets all those feelings that bring her back in.
I went over a week without contacting, and she brought up her son to me, and it hit me pretty deep because i love the kid, and even though she says he ask about me all the time it didn’t mean she wanted me to see him etc she was just being emotional. So i feel into a trap and after talking it just made her feel better about herself and feeling on top.
So I’ve had to go to no contact all over again, wasted 30 days not sticking to it, or talking every 4-5 days. But ima be on vacation for 2 weeks so that’ll make it way easier, after being through the process enough i finally accepted, contacting really changes nothing
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