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Tell her you can’t be friends. As coolcat pointed out your friendship with a partner exists because of the relationship. U seem to have told her what you want. I would make it clear that friendship isn’t part of that. Also try reading that book I mentioned. Coolcat I agree that the social apps are good in that regard. But I think you are using it to spy on him more than him on you. Do a seven day challenge of not looking at his profile. Are you responding to any of these comments of his?
I think he is stalking me quite a bit though. He’s always the first to view my public snaps even though he has no reason to be on that app. And nope not today all he said was “looks epic” didn’t actually ask if I had a good time or how was it etc like a normal conversation. Don’t even know why he bothers with these stupid comments of him.
Unfortunately I think becoming friends and developing from there is the only way to develop trust again.
I really angry at myself and her for what happened the other night. She new I went there to walk away and say goodbye. If she doesn’t want me why not just say.
She said she has just shut down and can’t think about anything right now. Told me not to wait for something that might not happen.
Read that book man. Trust me. The Game by Neil Strauss. I was in a similar position many years ago and that book cleared my vision. Coolcat I don’t doubt that he is stalking you a lot. But I think he can sense that you are holding onto things to a degree through the social apps. Why would u want to be in touch with him via these social apps if you don’t want to be friends? The answer is clear as daylight. Because u still want to be with him. So he has nothing to lose. He is comfortable. The string is just lying on the floor ready to be played with whenever he wants.
Well Iwould also like to keep him on there cause if I do move on in the near future I would like him to see that I’ve moved on and I’ve met some great new man or some shit haha. Because of this breakup I feel almost unworthy and very down on myself these days and thats cause of some of his behaviours so I want to show him that I am worthy and other men can like me and such. I don’t stalk him anywhere near as much anymore these days and I know when we weren’t friends on fb for a while there I found all these crazy ways to stalk certain things and I feel I would do that again lol so this just makes it all out in the open
Mate looked at the book it’s an out of date book by a pick up artist.
I couldn’t see how it would help really, it’s all about law of averages and picking up girls.
I am not like that and never will be.
I just need to try and get back to where I was again. The stress of trying to move isn’t helping me seek a security blanket.
The reason I suggest the book isn’t for the tactics and picking up girls. What it helped me do was to find myself again. Its just a story and nothing to take to the grave. But it taught me to be independant and find myself. Coolcat I have heard nothing from the ex since she last said that we didn’t need to decide that night about being together. Think I just maintain silence. I’m finding it pretty difficult with all these thoughts about her arising. I’m just wondering on the timeline for her to start contacting me. Think I’m doing the right thing by just giving her space? It seemed when we last spoke she started to see some positives from our relationship. Do u think time will increase that seeing positives?
Lol mate you’re in the same boat as me worrying why she won’t contact you and stuff ?. But yes time does nothing but help your cause. If you got back together now not much in either of you would have changed and you would go back to the same shit and you could wind up here again feeling just as shitty if not worse a second time round. Positives are very important for her to reflect on as they all say the negatives are present right now and if you keep at her those will stay present for a good period of time. If you interact let it not be about the past or present relationship but how you are in life at the moment
Hey guys. I’m going through a rely tough time today. I’m worried she might be seeking comfort in other men. I really want to contact her. I don’t wanna play games and shit.
Paranoia can play on your mind. I know this myself. I drove past his house one day and he wasn’t there when I expected him to be there and he wasn’t. I was freaking that he was with someone else. I don’t think he was in the end and just with his friend. But when you aren’t seeing things you expect (e.g. them online regularly and them contacting you) your mind plays games. I think it best you keep to yourself 🙂 I know its hard but you contacting her won’t get the answer regarding what you;re seeking here and if you bring up that topic that will certainly not help your case. So in my opinion its a lose lose.
Well reading online a lot of people seek comfort in new relationships or hookups. Also she was online last night I assume talking to someone on whatsapp. The last I spoke she said that we won’t decide on whether we will try and make things work now. Basically leaving the option open. I am just so scared off all this shit. My sister is fighting with me because I’m down. But I kinda need the comfort that I get from the ex. I dunno what to do. Part of me feels like letting her know that I am missing her and our dog (we got a dog together and are both massive animal lovers) and having a tough day will help. Shit I am feeling super anxious about all this. And I really need some form of comfort. My sister just gets pissed off with me and I felt like I could turn to her now which isn’t helping.
Dude I know how it feels my best friend would go off at me for talking about how my ex made me feel and would say things like “i told you so” it caused quite a lot of conflict and almost ended our friends. I know blood is thicker but just be careful 🙂 you don’t want to push her away just cause of your ex. Now I don’t know much about whatsapp or how it works but I see my ex on fb all the time and for long periods of time and I start stressing he’s talking to someone or when his snapchat tally goes up I’m stressing about who he’s snap chatting and what he’s doing. When in reality its probably not much. That being said I don’t actually know how whatsapp works, whereas with fb people are always online just stalking haha. I personally don’t think you should message her that. If you have the desire to really contact her then perhaps just ask how the pup is doing and leave it at that, nothing about her or missing.
I just don’t know what the best thing to do considering our last chat. We spoke about trying again and I mentioned that would be the only way we could see if the relationship would be different. She said we aren’t going to decide tonight. Then I said okay cool. Hope you’re having a good holiday! And that was it. Do I start to push it further or just wait for her to contact me? She has a real soft spot for people who feel down. So I don’t know if this no contact shit is actually gonna work or if maybe I can open up a little. Sorry I’m just really taking a knock today…
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