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I’m sure he still loves you too. I love my ex. And that’s what tears me apart, is that I can’t take her back because I wouldn’t be able to trust her anymore.
Like my ex, it sounds like you want to sweep it under the rug. You might not cheat again, but he can’t ever be sure of that. Especially not after you probably promised you wouldn’t do it again after the first time.
Are you doing any counselling? Even if you think you don’t need it, at least it’s something to show that you are working on your problems.
I’m sorry it’s not what you want to hear, but sometimes shit happens in life, and you don’t always get second let alone third chances.
You obviously know your situation the best. He might take you back. He might do it just for the kids (I know one such couple where the guy was cheated on multiple times and then just said fuck it, and stayed together for the kids, but they had a miserable marriage after and once the kids got older they divorced anyway).
I don’t think this place is best when cheating is involved. I would head over to SurvivingInfidelity.com.
aamls, I haven’t read the whole thread but I saw in another thread you said you cheated on him a second time. Why do you think you wouldn’t do it again? How do you get yourself into these situations?
I feel sorry for the guy. I was cheated on too. If I got back with my ex and she did it again, I’d be murderous. In fact, I’m fairly certain there’s no going back after the first time. It has to be the most painful thing a man can experience.
Sounds good…I would need to see something like that from my cheating ex if I was going to consider taking her back, not the random call or text that she does.
OK, I just realised you were the guy who cheated. In that case I wouldn’t say anything more to her. She won’t care if you’re hurting. She wants you to hurt! Just leave it at that. If you cheated, then the letter isn’t as pathetic, as it sounds like it’s more of an apology. I would probably still just say to contact you if/when she is ready.
You know the situation the best, but the letter speaks volumes. I wouldn’t even say you’re moving on. She’ll see through that. I’d just admit that you’re still hurting and wish her well for the future. At least then you don’t leave that letter as the last impression.
8 pages…yes, sounds like you were needy. That’s expected from a girl, but not a guy. I doubt she’d be feeling very attracted to you right now.
I wouldn’t say anything great is going on in your life. She’ll see through it. I would say something along the lines of you’re obviously still hurting and good luck for the future. Then NC for as long as it takes you to be strong again.
How long had you gotten to before with NC?
For me it’s been a slow process with lots of ups and downs, but looking back, I’ve come a long way. I was still teary in the second week but I haven’t cried since then. I took a short holiday around that time which I think helped.
I just got to day 30 and I feel a lot better. I have no intention of contacting my ex. She was just as uncaring – if not more – than your ex has been. She has called and texted during the 30 days (to which I didn’t respond), but it wasn’t enough. She can plead for me if she wants anything, but I’ve realised I can do better.
Stick to it. It will be hard. I think the best I’ve felt has been the previous week. I thought I felt good during the week before, but I feel even stronger now, and will probably continue to get stronger.
Here’s a quote I just read that might be helpful:
Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go.
You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.It gets easier. The urges are very hard to resist at first. You’ll have some good days where you barely think of them, and then other days where you’re obsessing and don’t feel like doing anything. There will be highs and lows, but overall your baseline will trend up.
In the first two or so weeks she was occupying most of my thoughts and I cried a lot. Now I’m on day 24, and it’s been at least a week since I cried. I still haven’t fully recovered, but I’m making progress.
I don’t really even want her back at this point, because of how things ended. But staying in contact with her was only doing me more harm and this site helped me get out of the cycle we were in.
