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I’m glad you’re doing better, Kaila – but those anniversaries can be so hard! I’m sending you hugs from Italy…
Yeah, small update. Saw him last night and he was friendly and fun. I said goodbye to him and his coworker before I head to the States. When his coworker told him, “Penelope’s going back to America” he looked startled for a split second and then said, “So what are you bringing us back?” It was nice to joke around with him and see him looking relaxed. As I was leaving, he called out after me, “Learn those songs! The band is waiting for you when you get back….”
Through the magic of Facebook stalking, I know that yesterday was his ex’s birthday. If she had a gathering, he wasn’t there. Who knows. Maybe she’ll celebrate later and he’ll be there and they’ll be thrilled. They really don’t seem to be together but something is absolutely up and it’s weird and it’s their business; if she’s what he wants, what can I say.
I’m glad we had a nice encounter before I left town. I’ve been so angry and disappointed ever since that scene with his ex. But when I see him, my heart melts and I just want to be near him. I’m proud of myself; in the past, I would have avoided him like the plague for months; been cold to him in public. This time I’ve really made an effort to be kind and friendly to him, even if I’m heartbroken that his being more open with me these past few months didn’t mean what I thought it did.
So something you said made me think. You said that of course he didn’t think about me when he made that scene because he doesn’t know how I feel about him. I honestly don’t know!!! Sometimes I think that he HAS to know, that everyone knows, and that they all laugh about it when I’m not there. When he pushes me away, I always think it’s because he picks up on my love for him and is rejecting it. But at the same time, I also know that I’m absolutely terrible at being open and clear; when it seems to me like I’m being direct, I’m often actually the opposite. A few months ago I “told” my friend that our physical relationship was over (we slept together once and kissed a few times after that). I asked him a few days ago if he remembered when I gave him that speech and he said he didn’t!!! I thought I’d been so direct and my whole speech had been over his head.
That night when F suggested we eat something together and I told him all those things about my fears and I hugged him… I thought that was telling him that I love him and always have. But maybe that’s not how it came out. And I was thinking this morning that I seriously can’t pinpoint any flirtatious signals that I give off; nothing to differentiate that I “like” one man and only like another as a friend.
Maybe he really doesn’t know? I honestly can’t tell. I still need some time to calm down and get my head straight before I can be more open with him about my feelings – time to accept outcomes that do not involve riding off into the sunset together. But you’re right – I can’t keep delaying. Five years. Enough already.
I probably won’t see him for another three weeks, when I get back. In the meantime, I’ll have fun with my family and friends in the States and try to look at New York through the eyes of someone who might live there again.
Hi, Kaila. Thank you so much for always responding to this thread and having such keen insight. I know you’re going through your own heartache as well.
I think that’s what upsets me – that he was only thinking of himself, and that his behavior and reaction had nothing to do with me. Either because I’m not important or he’s so self-involved he doesn’t think about how his actions affect others. Can he really not know by now that I care about him? Again, I know that I’m totally shutting down and going into protective mode, but I still have to ask myself – who is this man that I’ve adored for so many years? For the first time, I feel like he has to prove himself to me instead of the other way around.
So that all said, I saw him at at a concert tonight. i’ve been so angry with him all week and feeling so dead inside, but as soon as I saw him my heart began to pound. Ludicrous!!!
I approached him and he wasn’t a cold dick like he was at school last Monday, but he was in a really weird mood – somewhere between friendly (lots of smiling and laughing) and punchy/skittery. I told him that his friend had called me to ask me to be in the P!nk cover band and he said, “Yeah, I know. I gave her your number.” I asked, “When?” and he yelled: “What do you care when I gave it to her? They needed a pianist and I thought of you! Are you going to do it or not?” He was laughing and smiling as he said it, but I was startled. I’ve only ever heard him raise his voice one other time, 2 years ago (he had a tantrum when I was laughing with some men). I said, “I know the why, I just asked you the when.” He reluctantly said, “a few days ago. You said you love P!nk, right? So I did something good, so it’s perfect! So are you doing it?” He asked a couple more times if I was doing it and when I said, “Yes! Yes, I’m doing it!” he got quiet… relieved? satisfied? He made a few more weird comments – he asked me I know how to swing dance and when I said, “Yes, do you?” he replied: “Are you challenging me???” And a bit later, I forget what I said but he said, “Do you want to fight with me tonight or something?”
“Yeah, almost,” I said.We didn’t talk much after that, but he stayed near me. We just listened to the music in silence. In the past I might have worked hard to keep the conversation going but I’m through breaking my neck. Sometimes we talked to other people and I felt his eyes on me (I was with two of my guy friends, including the one who claims that F stares at him in public). When my ride wanted to leave, I went over to wish him goodnight and say I hoped that he slept well tonight. He said he’s been sleeping better since last week. I said, the important thing is that you’re well. We made some jokes and that was it.
I have to say I feel slightly better; if only for the fact that he wasn’t being a total cold jerk. And I guess he’s not back with the ex; she was nowhere to be seen. But I’m extremely guarded. I want to be nice to him for old time’s sake and to be compassionate about his own struggles. But I really feel like I need to evaluate very carefully who this man is.
A few things:
I have a date for Thursday night; one of my students who I’ve always thought was sexy. He noticed that I was looking down yesterday and sent me a really sweet message, which led to us talking and him saying that he’d like to be my friend, not my student.
I feel completely heartbroken; but you know what the worst part is? Yes, it was painful realizing that he’s still so involved with his ex but I’ve been through that before. The worst part, I think, was that he had this horrible scene in front of me. Not only did I feel absolutely insignificant, but I feel like I don’t even know him. Like I’ve spent the last 5 years longing for someone who wasn’t worth it. And he was such a jerk to me on Monday. Just wait a minute here – if his moods are about his ex, and HE’s the one who broke MY heart, why was he being such an arse to me??? I know that in the past I’ve treated him badly but what did I do this time to deserve such crap?
I finally got to talk to my therapist last night. She said that nothing he did changes how he feels about me and that he obviously feels something strong towards me; he’s absolutely not neutral but I almost don’t even care. How will I ever trust him again? That could just be the fear of getting hurt again talking – this was a terrible blow for me and it would make sense if I were going into deep protection mode – but that’s how I feel today.
Regarding leaving: a few people I’ve spoken to have described me leaving on July 25 and never coming back as “impulsive” and “an escape.” I’m starting to think they’re right. I’ve only told 3 people – two friends and a coworker – that I’m not coming back and their intense reactions shocked me. I’ve made deep roots here and have touched a lot of lives. I have a life here. When I think about telling my closest friends and my students that we’ll never see each other again my throat closes up. I’ve been crying nonstop for two days. I think I do need to leave, but maybe 10 days is just too fast.
One more thing:
Last night, I got a phone call at work. It was from the waitress of the pub F took me to on the night of our marathon hang. She has a P!nk cover band and that night, he had said to her, “Hey, you need a keyboardist, right? Penelope plays the piano!” and he asked me, “Would you like to be in a cover band?”
“Sure,” I said. “I love P!nk. But I don’t know if I’m good enough.”
“Why?” he said.
“I don’t know…”That was 3 weeks ago, a couple of hours before we were light and free and happy together and I was clumsily trying to tell him that I love him and I held him in my arms. And last night, I get this call from the waitress. She said that they’re still looking for a keyboardist and that F gave her my number, that we’ll even rehearse at his school.
I told her that I would have to get back to her because I’m planning to go abroad soon and I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’m really glad that she called because I love P!nk and think it would be a lot of fun. As soon as I hung up the phone, I started crying. Who knows when he gave her the number? 3 weeks ago when he was still pretending to care about me or just now, when I’m apparently persona non grata? Does he even still want me around his school?
Test or sign?
i need a couple of days to lick my wounds. i’m still feeling heartbroken and hurt. just three weeks ago i had him in my arms (!!!!) and last night he would barely look at me. It seemed like everything i’d suffered and learned had led us to the point of being together. now i realize that i was just plan B. it’s a lot for me to take.
right now i’m imagining telling him that i won’t be here anymore. i don’t even know how he’ll react. when i think about him saying, “oh, too bad. have a nice life” i start crying.
my friend who was there that night is now telling me that according to him, F’s jealous rage was more from wounded male pride, because his ex was being cozy with an insignificant douchebag (shirt open to the navel, gelled hair, gym socks) and that the girl might be hot but she’s not the one for him because she’s too vapid and ordinary. doesn’t matter i guess; the heart wants what it wants.
i’ve started going through my things to decide what to take with me. i was looking up apartments the other day and think chinatown might be a good option (i’d still feel a bit like i was in a foreign country). i’m sure as the time gets closer for me to go i’ll want to tell him something but seeing how cold he was with me last night i can’t imagine he’ll even agree to sit down with me.
Hi, Ikkemarl! And Hi, Kaila. Thank you so much for your kind words and insight. I’ve been thinking so much these past few days. The first three were very rough; I know he never promised me anything, but it really seemed like he was there with me. I really thought I would finally be brave enough to love him in the real world, with spoken words and shared emotions; that we would finally get it right. It seemed so thrillingly inevitable. To see him still so wrapped up with his ex made me feel used and played with. Plan B, when she was Plan A. That’s been devastating. I wish I could believe he loves me, Ikkemarl.
I spoke to my friend Angelo and he told me that i’m selfish, that I only think of myself; never what F needs and wants. He’s right. My terror of rejection keeps me wrapped up in my own head. I’ve loved him all by myself; I never invited him to be a part of it. And it looks like I’ll never get that chance.
I think that the best way I can love him right now is by letting go. Stop trying to “get him” and instead, treat him with kindness and empathy; after all, he’s heartbroken, and who understands better than me right now? If I can get out of my own head and think about him, maybe that will be the best way I can actually love him in the real world.
Today I had a piano lesson and tried to think what I would do if a friend of mine were upset. So I made brownies from scratch and brought them to school with me. He was holed up in his office with my piano teacher and I poked my head in and said I’d brought something to eat. The teacher was excited; F was glum. I went close to him hoping to kiss him on the cheek, but his body language was forbidding so I just touched him on the shoulder lightly. I asked how he was and he said, “BAD,” covering his face with his hands. The teacher asked, “Why?” and he said, hesitating “I can’t SLEEP.” The teacher asked why again. F hesitated again, “It’s HOT.”
“So get an air conditioner,” said my teacher.
“I HAVE one. It doesn’t WORK.”
“I’m not sleeping either,” I said. “I understand.”i said I’d brought brownies and they both ought to eat because they never eat at that school. He continued being grim. My teacher picked up a brownie and said, “This is great! Saint Penelope!” F didn’t touch the brownies. As I was leaving, I called out to him, “Eat something, okay?” He grimaced.
All through my lesson I kept trying to think of nice things to tell him that might cheer him up. I settled on a story about my sister in law; how when she wanted to get engaged to my brother she was freaking out, never knowing that my brother was planning an elaborate surprise proposal. All of us knew about it, but she didn’t. And she just went on about her daily life, going to the supermarket, going to work, all the while not knowing that something wonderful was about to happen to her. That I like thinking about that when things get rough. I also thought I would tell him to make sure to eat brownies because brownies are full of chocolate and tryptophan which makes you happy and helps you sleep.
When I got out of my lesson there was his coworker and one of their musician friends (the guy who was trying to hit on me at the concert). They said the brownies were awesome and asked if I wanted to listen to their jam session. I said sure. F was in the room, setting up the instruments and playing around on the bass. I said, timidly, “P and J invited me to listen to the session. I hope it’s not a problem.” He didn’t say anything, just kept fiddling around on the bass. I asked if he was going to be play and he said “No”. I made the hand gesture for “a little”, to ask him to play a little. He sat down and jammed for a good bit with the drummer; that made me happy. I love seeing him play. By the end I could see that he was smiling with the other musicians. But then he got up and left the room without looking at me. I listened to the guys play a couple of numbers and then wished them a goodnight; thanked them for the privilege of inviting me to listen to them jam. I went to his office hoping to get a chance to wish him goodnight and tell him something that might cheer him up, but he was in there with other musicians, clearly talking work. So I just waved goodbye at him and he waved at me with a normal smile. I left.
It’s a bit easier now that I know why he’s so moody; it isn’t me or anything I’ve done, it’s her. I feel a bit like I can’t make mistakes now since I realize that I’m not important to him. But I was thinking as I was leaving that maybe this is the last time I’ll see him; I’m leaving on the 25th. I started crying on the drive home.
I’ve started telling people I’m leaving, like my friend P and my friend A, who both freaked out. I wonder what F would say. If he’d even care.
Last night was great; I was so surprised by my friend’s kindness. he treated me to a fancy dinner (i hadn’t eaten in 24 hours) and he listened to me talk all night long. He was strictly in friend mode and I was very touched. He had some good insight, too. Like everyone else he says, “you gotta tell this guy how you feel but I wouldn’t tell him that you’ve been here 5 years for him….” and, when I said that i worry that F’s been using me as a Plan B or to make his ex jealous my friend said, “that’s not how you use someone. if you want to use someone you parade them around town in short bursts; you guys talk for hours and hours, until 3 in the morning, alone.” I’m still not totally convinced of this but it was nice to hear. He basically echoed what you said: “get a little bit of space right now before you go back in there. right now you’re hurt and you’re in no state to do anything….”
I’m heading to the States in 2 weeks. One of the problems, though, is that I don’t like being in the States. Every time i go back I dread it. I’ve never been one of those people who loved her country (otherwise I’d have never left, and certainly not for 8 years). Every time I go back, I’m irritated as soon as I set foot in public. I don’t feel good there. But I can’t be here in Italy any longer, unless something changes. And after starting my life all over again 3 different times in 3 different countries, I don’t have the energy to go somewhere new.
I feel a bit better today but then I get these bursts of sadness. I just don’t know what’s real anymore.
okay, i told my coworker (the guy I slept with a year ago) that i’m more than likely leaving Italy. He sprang to action: “you tell me over text?? this is not a conversation for whatsapp. I’ll be at your house at 9; may I invite you to dinner?”
So I have a dinner date tonight with someone I’ve had a physical relationship with. And you want to know the insane thing? my instincts are still telling me, “don’t be too hasty! don’t get carried away! don’t undo the good work you’ve done!”
i need to be committed.
Well, he wasn’t there at band practice today. I kind of expected it. He’ll probably be feeling all sorts of crappy today. I’m a bit glad, though – I don’t think I’m ready to see him yet.
re: closure. If you recall, my original post on this message board was asking how I could get closure because I suspected that he was back with his ex. And then, just a few days later, he shocked me by continuing in the same flirtatious, attention-seeking vein and then all the other things happened which makes last night’s events more shocking. I’d just gotten to feel secure about the fact that they weren’t back together; that they were maybe just friends.
I think you gave me good advice for how to proceed and that’s what I’ll do. He’s clearly still got some voodoo with his ex and I’m no one’s plan B. It’s just so painful, especially after having gotten closer and seeing – feeling – how glad he was to be with me, feeling his attraction to me for the first time in so long. I held him in my arms just two weeks ago….
Some clarification on not letting him see me with my friend Angelo: for the past 5 years, I have conducted my social life exactly as I saw fit. If I felt like it, I went out with only male friends, and I went wherever I wanted. Angelo and I got close last summer and we both like the same kinds of events so we’re seen together alone a lot; even our friends thought there was something between us. Sometimes I forget that this is a small Italian town; it had never occurred to me until recently that maybe I was doing myself harm by letting myself often be seen in the company of one man (often leaving together; I’d give him a ride home). F has seen me in the company of one man or another ever since we stopped seeing each other; what does that look like from the outside? I picked up that he was giving Angelo and I annoyed looks so in the interest of trying to be consistent and make him feel secure about me, I tried to limit being seen alone with him at night (I hung out with him plenty during the day). Angelo told me that just a week ago he saw F at a bar and F stared at him all night long….
This week my boss asked me about my availability for next year; I told her, “same as this year, and as always, I need to be out at 7:30 for my piano lesson on Monday.” That was yesterday afternoon. Now I feel like an idiot. I have a lot of legal responsibilities here in Italy, unfortunately – I manage my mother’s estate so it’ll take some time to sort that out. But I have a ticket to go to the States on the 25th for 3 weeks (my mother’s 60th birthday and my nephew’s first birthday). Maybe I won’t come back.
I feel like black is white and day is night. It was so clear to me that finally we were going to work out. And now this.
Every time I reach out to him to get closure he shocks me by being open and a new trajectory starts. And then I get so hopeful. I start to think I can have him. All i’ve been able to think about these past few weeks is how much I love him and finally kissing him; finally showing him and telling him how I feel. I can’t help it. I say I want closure but I really want him. He isn’t some guy; he’s the man I’ve waited my whole life to meet. But maybe things aren’t black and white. Maybe several things can be true at once. He has complicated feelings for me; he still wants her. He’s the love of my life; I’ll never have him.
I know I wasn’t mistaken in my perception of what he and I have been sharing these past several weeks. It was so different; it truly felt like being with him 5 years ago, when he was crazy about me. So this is a huge blow to the gut.
P.S. He last showed jealousy a week ago, that most recent night at school. He ALWAYS gets uptight when I talk to other men, even his close friends. I understand nothing.
I don’t know, Kaila… his reaction seemed way too strong for it to be just wounded ego/possession. He himself once told me, many years ago, “There is no jealousy without love.” They broke up about a year ago and I know they’re still in touch (I saw them together in her car just a month ago, which brought me to this message board in the first place). I really don’t know anything else about them. I’m so confused. I was up all night staring at the ceiling. Nothing computes. I know I didn’t imagine the re-opening of the connection between us. It was so different this time around. He was different. I was different. I was so sure we were really getting somewhere wonderful, that finally it would work, and until last night, everything seemed so clear. It felt like more than pure physical attraction; it felt like we were clicking on every single level. Maybe this is why he was resisting me so hard – not because he was afraid to get hurt again, but because he was hoping to get something cooking again with her. But why even open anything up with me then?
Right now, I’m thinking that nothing he says to me can ever make this right. That I’ll never believe another smile or inside joke or invite again. Was he just using me to pass the time until he could get to her, or because he thought he couldn’t have her? That would be supremely ironic; all this time, I’ve secretly hoped that he was only with her because he thought he couldn’t have me. I know he didn’t tell me he loved me, I know he didn’t ask me to marry him, but I feel so led on. How can this not change anything between us? Once he saw her, it was like no one else existed, least of all me. He didn’t care that I saw this happen. If he cared about me at all, he’d have tried to control himself lest I get the wrong impression. Nope.
And the really stupid thing? I’m now worrying about the fact that he saw me with my friend Angelo; I’ve long suspected that he thinks Angelo and I are an item (watching us crankily at events, following us with his gaze as we leave places together. Angelo even told me that a couple of weeks ago, he saw F at a bar and F stared at him all night long). For the past few months, I’ve made sure that F didn’t see Angelo and I together but last night I didn’t care. Angelo knows all about the F situation and I was so upset that I needed some support and F obviously doesn’t care about me so…! Why not?!!? And yet… now that the smoke is clearing a bit, I’m wondering if it was a stupid move. How ridiculous is that? I get CLEAR PROOF that he doesn’t love me and I’m still worrying about making mistakes with him. F probably didn’t see anything but his ex that night; he was furiously texting for about 20 minutes.
What am I going to do when I see him today at band practice? I know I have to be friendly and nice but I feel so hurt. Anyway, he’ll probably take care of that for me; I’m sure he’ll be in a foul mood, holed up in his office and avoiding everyone. I almost hope that’s what he does because I’m so upset with him right now I don’t think I can look at him. If he tried to flirt with me, how could I take it as anything but him looking for a consolation prize?
I can’t believe he flipped his ex the bird and crossed the street to yell at her in her car. Who the hell is this guy?
okay, well, so much for that. i went to a concert tonight, full of vim and vigor to tell him these things, but his ex was there with another guy. At first I was glad to see that she was there with a different guy (I thought, “maybe they’re not back together”) and even his friend said to me, “Oh, F’s ex is here”, which also made me feel good because he said “Ex.” But then F showed up at the club, saw his ex with the other dude, and went ballistic. I’m still in shock from what I saw. He watched her and this other dude like a hawk, and when he finally caught her eye, he flipped her the bird and clapped sarcastically. Then he went over to where she was; she and her guy made a beeline for the exit of the club but he followed them. I couldn’t hear what he was saying to her but I could tell from their expressions that it was awful. She left with her sister and he crossed the street to yell at her some more. I can’t believe it.
They might not be together, but he’s obviously still in love with her. So what the hell has he been doing with me these past couple of months?!?! It felt so different, it felt so clear to me that all these old feelings were still alive between us and it seemed like we were finally going to get to explore them.
He didn’t care that I saw the whole thing. He didn’t care who saw. He just went nuts when he saw her with this guy. I feel absolutely insignificant. I feel like I need to be in an insane asylum.
I have to see him tomorrow at the school’s last band practice for the season. I don’t even know what to say.
No news officially, as i haven’t seen him. The only update is that i’m through messing around and i’ve made up my mind to talk to him plainly. I think we were really headed somewhere good but we both got scared. I think it’s salvageable but only if i act fast and properly. So the next time (assuming conditions are right) i see him i am planning to say a version of this:
I am glad to see you. I am sorry we didn’t get much of a chance to talk the other night. You seemed so busy, i would have loved to spend some time with you but i didn’t want to disturb you. I am frustrated. The thing is i really want to spend more time with you and i always have to rely on luck. It was so good to spend all that time with you the other night, just the two of us. We hadn’t done that in so long and i have missed it so much. I wish we could again. I wish you would feel free to call me. I know that in the past i have seemed like i wasn’t open but i always was and i am.
I will definitely see him tomorrow, and perhaps tonight at a concert. See what he says. See where it goes.
What do you think?
Hi, Origami! You’re living the 21st century social media nightmare… sometimes I go into panic thinking that I might accidentally click “like” on something I’m stalking…
The milk is spilt; all you can do is remain calm. I agree with Steve that facebook stalking never does any good and we only ever feel bad afterwards. However, I also understand that it’s so easy to do it, especially when we don’t have any other way of getting information. You’re not alone – I’m sure 9 out of 10 people succumb to the temptation.
I don’t agree, though, that having looked at her profile is the end of your potential future reconciliation. So you looked at her profile. Big deal. We all do it. Your ex has probably looked at yours since you’ve split. Try to look at it this way: if anything, he’ll see that you’re still interested/jealous. That’s information he can work with if he wants to consider getting back together with you. At least your cards are on the table.
By the way, your guy’s new girl sounds awfully smug; if she had class she wouldn’t have gloated about your accidental like. Maybe your guy will pick up on this.
Well, I saw him tonight and the ice is definitely melting, but I didn’t get enough positive vibes for me to overcome my own fears and be direct with him. So I guess we’re back to where we were before we had dinner together.
When I went to my piano lesson today, I told myself: “You have one job – make physical contact no matter how weird he is.” When I saw him I made a beeline to give him the cheek kiss (I almost never do this with him). I said nice things to him and he smiled nicely. He was still a bit standoffish so I went up to my lesson. Afterward, I tried really hard to create an opportunity to interact. I’m actually kind of embarrassed now that I think about it; I hung out talking to his coworker (also my friend; engaged to a friend of ours), hoping that F would come and join us, or that he’d stay still long enough for me to pin him down. I’m ashamed to say how long I stayed at school tonight. For F’s part, he seemed very busy with work; he only came out twice while I was talking outside to his coworker.
The first time I said, “Hey, come over here. We’re having a really interesting conversation that I think you’d be interested in.” He took a step towards us, then hesitated. “I… the other musicians are coming in and out.”
“Oh, okay,” I said, and let him see I was disappointed. A while later, he came back out and stayed talking to us for a good while. He was pleasant and open and we shared a lot of nice grins (his shy, happy ones). I made him the focus of attention and touched him teasingly (something I never do). I told him he’s a cowboy and said something poetic about his face; I could tell he liked it. I also tried making another reference to the time we dated; he didn’t say anything, but I could tell it hit home.
After a bit, he went back inside and didn’t come out again to talk to us, just to tell us and the other musicians to keep it down.
I’d been hanging out there for hours by that point and was feeling ridiculous. I did see an opening: his coworker hinted at inviting me to have something to eat with him and I could have said, “let’s get F to come with us” but it was too risky; I didn’t want to end up with just the coworker (not my bag!!!). I had been getting positive smiles and looks from F but it just wasn’t enough. I know he was at work, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he was staying away from me and his coworker on purpose. So once again, I gave up. I went over to say goodnight and he initiated the cheek kiss; I made sure to touch the back of his neck again. It was another slightly awkward, cold, hesitant goodbye – similar to the ones before we had the long marathon/dinner.
I feel good that the ice seems to be melting but I’m also feeling stupid about how long I stayed. Of course he knew I was there waiting for him. Or, if he somehow didn’t pick up on that, I’m afraid he might have thought that hanging out talking for hours is something I do randomly. And then, at the same time, he was probably about 20 minutes away from being done with work; I’d already been there 3 hours, what was another 20 minutes to ask him if he wanted to get something to eat? Mismanaged, as always. But I guess the important thing is that the cold-warm ratio is shrinking.
