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Hi, Truelover. The possibility of getting back with your ex doesn’t look good today – I mean, today June 14th 2015. Since it’s been 3 months and he’s with someone new, it sounds like he is really trying to move on and that’s something you should try to respect for the moment, as painful as it is. He seems to want something different right now. It must have been so hurtful to read the things he wrote when he broke up with you; I truly sympathize.
But today is one day. We don’t know what the future brings. You were together for six years; there’s no way he can forget you. Until now, you’ve made it clear that you still love him and that you want him back so he knows it. NC sounds like the only thing you can do, and I totally agree with what @roarimabear said about the point of NC; let them work things out in their head, get into a new rhythm, and then – blam – you come back like an asteroid. NOBODY is immune to the ex coming back into their lives!
You can take this time to work on the things your ex said damaged the relationship. He said you were selfish and took his freedom – is this true? Ask some trusted friends what they think and try to work on that. You also say that your self esteem is taking a hit; try to work on that as well. If, in a few months, you still want him back and he still loves you, it will be very hard to resist you….
I don’t want to give you false hope, but keep in mind, too, that nothing is static. He might not want to talk to you TODAY and he might be with someone TODAY but things change. But if you want these things to change, it’s important that you be open to changing yourself.
Dear @knitterz, thank you for your response. I am in therapy and have been ever since I first discovered he was with his girlfriend 3 years ago (yes, you are right – these are serious problems). My therapist is very kind and supportive. I’ve made a lot of progress with her in regards to trusting my instincts and taking responsibility for my actions towards him but, of course, I still have so much work to do at being open and brave and consistent. It’s like something paralyzes me… I get into my head… I always think, “I’m unwanted. I am being pathetic.”
But… I saw him today! There was band practice at music school. I had been to band practice once before and he stayed holed up in his office, earphones on, shutting out the world. But this time as soon as he saw me he came over to me grinning and making fun of me – calling me by a new nickname he’d come up with a few weeks ago, pretending to introduce himself and holding out his hand to shake. To my surprise, the handshake lasted a rather long time – it became more that we were holding hands than shaking. Throughout the band practice, he came in and out of the rehearsal room, sat next to me and teased me. I was very nervous because it was the first time he had ever heard me play the piano but I tried to hold it together. After band practice, he asked if I had a specific computer program to use with my keyboard – “come with me, I’ll show you”; brought me into the rehearsal room where we were alone – and said if I didn’t have a keyboard, he would give me one that he has. We were joking around a lot and went outside to sit with the other musicians. We were all chatting, but I started to feel pathetic, as though I were hanging around without a reason, so I said I had to get going: “I’ll see you on Monday, right?” He said, “….. possibly….” And then I left.
As soon as I got into my car I thought, “idiot! Why did you leave? He clearly had no problem with you being there!” But it was too late. Again, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
I feel much better – this week has been torture – but, of course, I’m still not sure what’s going on with his ex (it wasn’t the right situation to ask). At least it doesn’t appear that he’s going to cut me off like last time. I wish I could get him ALONE. Not at school. Not at a concert with our friends around. But we don’t have a phone or Facebook relationship; when I discovered he was with his ex the first time, I deleted his number immediately and have never had the balls to ask for it again. He isn’t on Facebook. He doesn’t text or call me. Over the winter, I tried hinting that I’d like to see him outside of school but he didn’t bite. I want to tell him everything! Everything!
I wish I hadn’t left.
