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Update!
I replied to him yesterday, saying “I think I’d like that, actually”. And he said “Ok, let me know. Pretty much all I’m doing these days is working” {so not spending time with a new gf??] I told him I’m busy this week and leaving town for christmas, so maybe sometime after the holidays. Sooo that’s the plan at this point. We shall see I guess!
Yeah that’s a possibility for sure. At the time he confessed he said it was just once and with a stranger, but he was lying about so much at that point I certainly took that with a grain of salt. Am I crazy that I just want to know?!
OK so I texted him last night (since the package should arrive today), something like “just a heads up, put some of your stuff in the mail today”. He was like “I had stuff at your place?” Ummm yeah. He then said “I think everything of yours here is stuff you don’t want but let me know”. Stuff I don’t want? What is that supposed to mean? I mean, I want all my stuff, it’s just a matter of how important getting it is. Like I have a bag of toiletries (that I literally restocked with a bunch of new stuff the day before we broke up) that he gave me for my birthday. Or a mixing bowl I left there. All of that I want but it’s not that important that I need him to send to me. But the lingerie on the other hand, was brand new, why the heck wouldn’t I want that? I’m just not sure what he meant by assuming I didn’t want it. Like does that mean I probably don’t care enough about it or I have a bad association or whatever and truly would rather not have it? I’m probably over thinking this. And now feeling a little awkward about having to ask him to send him my stuff, like that probably wasn’t completely necessary to do. After he said he would get it packed up and sent to me I was just like “thanks, no rush”.
He also complemented me on my Halloween costume (posted a pic on FB that got like 50+ likes and many comments) which was of a character from a TV show we used to watch together. I told him it was a last minute costume since apparently I already own everything that she wears and he was like “yeah, I recognized everything you were wearing and it reminded me how awesome your wardrobe is”. Not sure how to take that, especially since this character is pretty dorky. I asked him what he was for halloween and he sent me a pic.
Anyway, I guess we’ll see if he contacts me after getting the package. It’s kind of funny that he doesn’t remember that he had anything here so I guess everything will be a surprise!
OK, just put the package in the mail! I ended up sending a note that was pretty much the same as above, but minus the sentence about missing him, and I also didn’t put my new address in. Mostly because the closing date on my house just got pushed back again and I don’t know when I will be moving and that was too complicated to put in my short note. Plus even if he sends it to my old address after I move it will get forwarded to me, and there’s no reason for him to have my new address. But this also leaves it open for him to suggest giving me my stuff in person… he’s kinda lazy so I almost wonder if he’d do that just to save himself a trip to the post office, lol.
The post office guy said it should get there tomorrow (seems super fast!) so we’ll see. Now I’m debating sending a text just with a heads up that it’s coming. I don’t know what he will think just finding a package on the front porch from me without knowing about it ahead of time…
Yes starlight, I think you are expressing it better than I am, I think he might need permission from me and I wonder if I’ve been playing a little too hard to get when he reaches out. He knows that he made such a huge mistake and is punishing himself for it, I just don’t know that he would try to reconcile even if he wanted too without me giving him some sign that it’s ok. But I don’t know…..
I’m thinking I will send the note (I feel like I have to explain the broken book and the new video game, plus I really do want to get my stuff back! He has my brand new lingerie!) but perhaps without the sentence about still missing him.
Thanks for all of your thoughtful comments on my situation, I figure I should try to help you with yours!
My guess on the facebook blocking is that rather than it being something logical (like he wants you to not be able to see certain pictures or whatever), he just was hurt or ticked that you unfriended him, so he wanted to one-up you by going a step further. BTW I didn’t even know blocking was a thing on facebook, I had to google it when I read your post! Also, how do you know he blocked you? Just that he doesn’t come up when you search his name or what?
I agree with Penelope that it sounds like your ex has talked to H about you. That hurts so much to lose mutual friends on top of everything else 🙁 hopefully the situation with your ex will have cooled off enough the next time he comes to visit (or maybe your ex won’t be in the country any more?) and you guys can be friends again.
I sent something like “hey, do you remember the name of that place we went camping at the beginning of the summer? A friend of mine is looking for a good camping spot”. I think something like that is good because 1. brings up good memories 2. Asks a specific question, not just “hey how are you?” and 3. maybe triggers a little jealousy, letting him/her know you are with a “friend” who could be more than that. For me he couldn’t remember the name of the spot but quickly came back with “how are you doing?”
Thanks Theresa, don’t apologize for being blunt! I can take it and it’s nothing I haven’t already heard from other people in my life. I do think you are probably right about most, if not all, of that.
I do just want to clarify, the texting has mostly been initiated by him, not me. And when he texts I usually wait several hours or a day before responding, whereas he always responds to mine immediately. Which leads me to wonder if perhaps he is wanting to open things up again but is holding back. So i guess i’m just trying to find a way to invite him to pursue me without actually pursuing him, because I agree he should definitely be the one to try to win me back!
Quiet in here 🙂 but it’s ok I understand. Sometimes I read others’ posts asking for advice on their situations and I’m like “I have no freakin clue what you OR I should do, that’s why I’m here!”
I’m gonna send my ex a package with a note in a couple days and looking for some feedback on the note before I send it. I guess i’m trying to open the door for some kind of reconciliation or meeting but without coming right out and putting it all out there…I want it to seem like I’m over it and fine, but entice him to want to get together. Easier said than done probably. Here goes…
X,
I’m starting to pack for my move and wanted to send you some of your stuff that was still at my place.
[Book he lent me that fell apart but I’m still sending back to him] kind of fell apart on me as I was reading it. Sorry about that. Great read though! I’m still working on [another book he loves and recommended but didn’t lend to me]
I bought [video game he always wanted to buy for the two of us to play together while we were dating but never did, maybe because he didn't think I would actually play with him bc I'm not that into video games] that night we went to your Best Buy and obviously never got the chance to give it to you. I can’t return it anymore, so I hope you can still enjoy it.
Let me know if you think there is anything I forgot. If you could get my stuff to me when you get a chance I’d appreciate it (at least the lingerie). My new address will be [address].
Hope you are well and happy. I probably shouldn’t tell you that I still miss you, so I won’t.
-Y
What do you think? Too much, too little? Too cold, too warm?
Specifically looking for feedback on the last couple parts. Should I add after I give the address “if you want to mail it” or leave out the address entirely? Or is that too obvious a nudge to have him suggest to return my stuff in person? Do the last couple sentence open the door enough to meeting up without sounding desperate?
Also, I had originally thought about putting some cash in the book that broke if he wants to replace it but that seems a little pathetic. I’m already going out of my way to send him his stuff. He broke my heart, I feel like I can break his book without buying him a new one.
I guess maybe I do have a couple questions…
1. What do you think about getting back together with a cheater? Based on my story specifically? I know that my friends/family are very against me getting back together with him and I’m curious if there’s anyone out there with a different opinion.
2. If I do want to get back together with him, what’s the best way to try to make that happen? While I never wrote a “magic letter” I think I have already communicated with him most of it’s components– that I have accepted the breakup, that I am doing well (better in fact), etc. And also I have gone a little beyond that to let him know that I miss him and he has reciprocated. Should I try to say more in the note next week (like be more clear about my feelings rather than hinting) or suggest meeting up and then bring it up in person? Or should I just continue being coy and letting him make any moves?
