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UPDATE: I recently had a conversation with my ex. He called me out of no where. We talked for a pretty long time we were both on about an hour and half drive and talked for almost all of it. At times he was being kind of mean and saying stuff to upset me and other times we were talking like normal. Overall, it was a very strange conversation. However, since he was being rude to me I thought it was okay to ask him a few questions. I asked him if he broke up with me for his new girlfriend and he told me he didn’t. I asked this question a number of times and the answer continued to be no. If he really did break up with me for her I think he would have told me especially since he was being pretty mean on the phone. He said she had nothing to do with the reason why we broke up. He says we broke up because he just could not talk it anymore. He couldn’t take me constantly having to be with him. He’s acting really strange. After we got off the phone he sent me a few snapchats. This is very confusing and I’m not sure what this means. I know he is still with the girl, but do you think that this could mean it is a rebound relationship? By the way our conversation went he clearly still has some hurt feelings about me, so what do you think is the best step for me to take? How do I show him I’ve changed and that I’m back to the girl he feel in love with?
Hello,
It seems like she recently has some more interest in you. I think you should say happy birthday but that is it just leave it at that. After all you were the closest person to her for a very long period of time so I think it is only right you wish her a happy birthday. Just a simple text and then end it at that.
Thank you so much for your responses! I will take your advice. I am going to wait a little while until I contact him.
Thank you for your postings! I know you said I shouldn’t contact him until he contacts me but my only worry is what if me not contacting him is actually pushing him further away because he thinks I have moved on and no longer care about him. I also worry that not contacting him will allow him to move forward with his new relationship. I feel like if I do contact it will keep me in his mind but I don’t know what to do. I know now is obviously the worst time for contact because he is still in the “honeymoon phase” of his new relationship but that only lasts a certain amount of time so I was thinking I should contact him once the honeymoon phase is over.
I’m trying to wrap my head around this by thinking “everything happens for a reason” or “what’s meant to be is meant to be” but I honestly do think we were meant to be bc of how much we have in common and how well we get along. Right now, I honestly can’t imagine getting married to or having kids with anyone else other than him. I’m starting to get the feeling like maybe I’m ready to try and move on, but I still feel like eventually it’s all gonna come back to him. It’s a really weird feeling but that’s just how I feel. These feelings may change in the future I really don’t know but all I know is a there will always be a piece of him in my heart and I believe there will always be a piece of me in his even if we don’t get back together.
And honestly if this new girl is the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with then he never even deserved me in the first place because I know I’m much better than her. I’m pretty sure she’s kind of a w**re and she just doesn’t seem like she come from the same kind of background that both my ex and I come from. I also don’t think she has the same opinions and stuff as him just because of the choices she makes.
I definitely do think there was some history with this girl, but if there was he did chose me over her in the past. He was with me for over two years so it’s just very hard to make sense of why after being with someone for 2 years he would want to go back with someone he knew in the past. I agree that maybe the fighting was because he was being a little more distant but I’m not really sure. I feel like some days it was like that but definitely not all the time. There were days even weeks towards the end of our relationship that were just like the first month we were together and we were in the honeymoon phase but then there were also bad days.
He was such a huge part of my life and I was such a huge part of his so it just doesn’t make any sense that he could just put another girl in my spot. We definitely had something special and it’s just a shame it had to end. I’m really hoping he will come back sometime in the future and for some reason I really do think he will I just hope it’s not too late and I’m not already happy with someone new.
@mr_the_ex, thank you for your response. I understand what your saying and although I have no idea, I am not denying he was contacting her before we broke up, but that doesn’t exactly mean it isn’t a rebound. Sometimes rebounds do start before a relationship is actually over. There is also a very slim chance that he was seeing this new girl before we broke up because we were together at his vacation house for about a month before we broke up. Also, we did talk about how we did not need to spend all that time together and that it was ruining our relationship many times, but it just happened that we would still always be together. I don’t think he could have lost all feelings for me in such a short amount of time and be able to take those feelings and have them for another girl. The reason for the breakup wasn’t exactly because we were spending too much time together but it was because we were fighting much more because we spent all that time together. I honestly think he started seeing this girl right after the breakup because he did not know how to be without a girl by his side at the time since we were together so much for so long. I’m just wondering, why do you think this new girl is not a rebound?
In case your confused as to why we broke up. I forgot to add that spending all that time together clearly increased the arguing and fighting. It was always about small stupid stuff but because we were together so often it just happened.
I think we actually spent more time together than most married people lol. The amount of time we spent together was definitely too much and if we get back together I plan on allowing us both to have our own space. I haven’t told him I miss him yet. I want to text him and I feel like I should but at the same time I’m really nervous to do it. He’s a very sensitive person but I’m the only person who knows that. So I think that if I happened to text him at the right time when he was home alone in bed or something we could have a good conversation, but if I text him at the wrong time when he’s out with his friends the conversation wouldn’t go as good.
I really care about him. He was my best friend and the person I loved more than anything. It’s been almost 2 months and nothing has changed I still feel the same as I felt on day one. Some days are better than others, but overall I’m still obsessing over him. I miss telling him everything and I miss being able to go to him if I needed help with anything. The hardest part really is that I lost my best friend. I know he loved me I could tell by the way he looked at me and held me at night every single night even the night before he broke up with me. I think he still does love me and sometimes I feel like he’s waiting for me to text him that I miss him. We are very similar and I know how he thinks because its similar to the way I think. I’m expecting him to text me, but I think he is expecting me to text him. He is not the kind of person that likes to give in. I know he is currently with another girl, but I just don’t see him being into her like he was with me. I was very special to him and honestly he put up with a lot. 2 years is a long time to spend with somebody and then just forget about them like they were never there. It was even that we just spent two years together. We did everything together for those 2 years (tons of vacations, events, weddings, sleepovers every night, etc.) That is why I don’t think it is possible for him to be over me already. We really did have something good and we really did make each other happy. His parents loved me and considered me their daughter. I thought we were getting married for real and I’m pretty sure he thought so too.
Also to be honest, I would understand if he wanted to be single. I did smother him and he needed his own space, but he was never single. He started seeing a new girl right away and basically just filled my place with her.
I’m thinking about texting him and telling him I miss him because I think doing that is the only way I will have a chance at getting him back. I know this site and all relationship experts say to do the opposite but they also don’t know him.
He answered my text and we had a little conversation about the boat. We ended the conversation saying that we should catch up soon. I’m probably going to wait to get my stuff because he doesn’t have much. I hate leaving things places so I never really left anything. The only thing he has in my skis and to be honest I don’t really need that at the moment. He’s definitely seeing someone else but I still don’t think its possible that he could have moved on so fast. He is the type of person that hates being alone, so that is why I really think this is a rebound. In my opinion, I think he moved on physically but not emotionally. He told me plenty of times that the way he felt about me was way different than he ever felt about a girl before. He was so in love with me. He dated his ex before for 4 years and he told me he had stronger feelings for me than he ever did for her. They had an on and off relationship that involved a lot of cheating on his part, but he never cheated on me.
How is it possible to move on in just a few days?
Your situation sounds really similar to mine. My ex of 2 years also told me that he wanted to be alone and that he wasn’t going to see anyone else. But he is involved with someone else. It is just so heartbreaking. He hasn’t contacted me like your ex contacted you, but I think ignoring him is the best thing to do right now. Even if you want to get back together with him. If you ignore him it will make him try hard to get you and he won’t want to lose you again.
Tommy! I really hope it works out for you. You seem like a great guy that she would be lucky to have. She just needs sometime and I think she will come back. I do not think you should wait for her though because waiting is awful. I know it is hard but you really should try to move on for the time being. Who knows you might even find someone better. Good luck Tommy, I wish you the best!
Also I wanted to add, you said your ex might be dating someone that has a nose ring and she normally would not date someone with a nose ring. I think that could be a sign it’s a rebound but I’m not completely positive. My ex boyfriend is actually with a girl that has a tattoo right now and he absolutely HATES tattoos. He thinks they are beyond disgusting that is why I can’t imagine him and her together. Therefore, I really think in both of our situations it can definitely be a rebound. And I know you have that feeling like what if its not because I do too. However, I now know that if she isn’t actually a rebound then it’s his loss because he had someone so much better (me lol, this girl is kind of a loser) and if he wants to be with someone like her then I don’t even want to be with him anymore and there is someone out there that is much better than him for me.
Hi Tommy! I can’t believe I actually read through that whole thing. I actually live in the New York Metro Area also! I truly think that your ex had strong feelings for you just as you did for her. I just think she is not ready to commit to a real relationship that is going to last and I think that is what she sees with you. She seems like she is very insecure and unsure of herself right now. I think once she finds herself she will realize she made a mistake and she will come back to you. You guys seem pretty compatible, I honestly just do not think the timing is right. If you were her first real relationship she probably needs to experience other relationships and she needs to experience a hard breakup before she can actually realize you really were the one for her. I know waiting sucks (I’m currently still waiting after about 2 months) but it is just what you have to do. You should try to think of it like if it is meant to be it will be. This is how I try to make sense of my breakup. If I’m meant to be with my ex he’s going to come back, but if we’re not meant to be it’s because there is someone out there that is better for me. I’m come to terms with thinking this and I can honestly say I feel much better about the break up. Just remember everything happens for a reason! The reason for the breakup could be because she needed to realize her life is better with you and when she comes back your relationship could be better than ever. But the reason could also be that she is not the one and there’s just someone better out there. I’m telling you thinking like that will help you realize it is not the end of the world. This of the positive things that could come out of the breakup.
