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Day 20 of NC
This week has been hard. While on holiday this weekend… a young lady in my group attempted to take things to the next level but I shut it down. I told her I was still in love with my ex and described the situation. She started crying and went on to say “Every guy I’ve been with has cheated on me and lied to me. You break up with your ex because you loved her too much. The one guy I like is still in love with his ex, FML ” Today, the young lady emailed me a long letter about how she felt. I feel bad but I dont want her emotionally or even physically. Im not ready.
After all of that, all I can think of is contacting my ex. I wanna call her now and tell her I’m in love with her and how in these last 20 days Ive made alot of changes. Crazy what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it… These changes have put me in a happier place but in the back of my mind, I hope one day they will help me rebuild with her.
Sigh.
Counting down till Dec 2nd.
Today is day 20 of NC for me.
You can read my story here > https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/damn-i-really-messed-up/
In summary… I broke up with my gf of 2.5 yrs because I was going through some major life issues and I did not want her to be burdened/hurt/down/depressed from my problems. I was still desperately in love with her but I listened to my heart instead of my brain. I truly thought it was the right thing.
This week has been hard. While on holiday this weekend… a young lady in my group attempted to take things to the next level but I shut it down. I told her I was still in love with my ex and described the situation. She started crying and went on to say “Every guy I’ve been with has cheated on me and lied to me. You break up with your ex because you loved her too much. The one guy I like is still in love with his ex, FML ” Today, the young lady emailed me a long letter about how she felt.
After all of that, all I can think of is contacting my ex. I wanna call her now and tell her I’m in love with her and how in these last 20 days Ive made alot of changes.
I miss her so much. I plan on emailing her Dec 2nd. Just counting down.
@travelbug thanks, I am thankful.. it def had its ups.
Last night was another rough night. A year ago, my ex and I visited this same island and while waiting to for our flights at the airport, we browsed the shops in the mezzanine. We stopped in this jewelry store and she showed me the “perfect” ring for her. When we finally got home, I went to the jewelry store I had her engagement ring on lay-a-away at and exchanged it for a ring similar to the one we saw on holiday.
Maybe I did it to myself but last night I stopped in the store to see if the ring was still there… and it was. Lets just say after, I got no rest on the flight home.
One day at a time, Day 18
Today starts day 17 of NC and this weekend has been the most trying. Right now I’m on holiday in the Caribbean with friends and a few pretty ladies. Been here since Friday …. However most of the time I zone out and think of my ex.
This is the first time I’ve gone on holiday in the last 2 years without her. I picture her on the sand, by the pool and even across from me at dinner.
While here I’ve reading this book called The Zahir and I feel like I can relate to the character. It’s been helping me get back to myself and have fun when I can’t get her off my mind.
Time heals all wounds I guess.
Just checking in. Day 5 of NC. I’ve just about finished reading the Alchemist and its been pretty motivational. I feel good.
I’ve also decided to become a mentor again… I had been one for years but around the time my problems reached an all time high, my mentee graduated from HS and I declined to rejoin the program once he left. I’ve rejoined and will be matched with someone soon. I’m excited.
Working on my happiness.
@SM thanks.
I started reading this book this morning called the Alchemist… I’m about 1/3 through. Its pretty good so far and is helping me with my situation. It was suggested to me by a friend years ago when she was going through a rough patch in life but I just decided to download it this morning and check it out. Check it out , it may help you in some way. Its a short read.
I came into work this morning and signed into gchat…. Gchat saves ALL past convos you’ve had through it over the past year. I read the last convo I had with her, the one that pushed me to this website. I was down but then I started reading the post here again and it brought me back.
One day at a time.
@niyesuh
That was super motivating. I’m glad you’ve evolved as a person. Even after all of this time you still feel for her , thats amazing.
I never really knew what love was until I met my ex… I’ve said it to other women but never really experienced it till I fell in love with her. So reading your experience reminds me that real love exists… you cannot move on until youve seen she has. I totally feel you on that. Good luck on growth and who knows what can happen.
I’m going to do the journal thing. I haven’t had a journal since I was a child but At this point I’m open to try anything.
Just finished day 2 of NC.
Day 1 was smooth. I went to brunch with an old friend and then that night to a chill lounge with old college buddies.
Day 2 not so much. Went to church in the AM and I felt the word was relevant to my situation. After I got a good work out in at the gym.
Tonight my family invited me out to dinner… About 10 of us at the table. We were having a good time. And then my cousin brought up my ex gf.
I started shaking and I had a anxiety attack. I didn’t make it noticeable to anyone but I just excused myself about 15 min later and came home.
Hoping this gets better over time.
Like my relationship, I never cheated on my ex … we actually had a good relationship. Stress and depression are a killer. Looking back, I wish I would of let her be there for me because even after we broke up, for 4 months, I was just depressed missing her. I did that to us.
Compassion is always good but remember do things for yourself and be happy. I’m trying to do the same.
Thanks for the well wishes. I plan on doing a strict NC. I need it.
Don’t let his lack of response get you down! I believe I read your story, didn’t you move out the country ? That’s amazing! Keep working on you and I’ll do the same.
My mom is no longer draining me financially and my health has improved. My mom had always held me down so I had to do the same.
Just came from brunch, cruising through day one.
Yeah. Just thinking of not contacting her makes me queasy.
She just posted on her fb a super hot photo in her Halloween costume, titled “no worries, no stress, happy Halloween” :/
I unsubscribed from her posts, didn’t unfriend tho. Looking fwd to brunch in a few… I need some human interaction.
I know it hurts. I broke up with my ex due to stress and depression so as a man I know how it feels to see your partner in pain from my pain and to not have any mental bandwidth.
I dont know him but if he’s still not responding, things may still be a foul in his life. Starting a new forever NC may be best until he reaches out. Good luck, I’m tright here with you.
