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Just stay strong. From reading your post you are coming off as a needy guy and no woman likes that, that’s what NC is all about. You both are young and you usually see this from younger couples that they will play games and she is playing games with you and seeing how far she can take it. Listen to Rasputin and follow his advise.
Sounds like she is unstable right now and has things going on and maybe the best thing to do is dont contact her and let her contact you and you dont have to be there for her on the spot. The best thing you can do is just listen and dont try to solve her problems but at the same time dont let her rely on you to be there. Another thing I have learned dont believe what a woman says but judge her by her actions, woman can say one thing but will do the opposite.
Im also going threw a 4 month break up and getting the hot and cold treatment and just found out that there could be another guy that she is seeing. But after 4 months Ive analyzed myself and asked myself the person I thought she was she really isnt her and do I really want to be with her and that’s something you need to ask yourself?
Sometimes we get stuck with the idea that person is the one but sometimes we just dont let go and hold on for too long.
I’m not trying to bring you down but Maybe she needs that time to get herself together and maybe down the road it will happen. We get inpatient and I say that myself because we want it NOW but it takes time.I ran into her yesterday by surprised and we talked for a bit but I kept it cool kinda let her do most of the talking and just B.S with her, she seemed excited to see me. She has tried to text me since and I haven’t ignored her but Ive changed the way I would reply back to her. Ive kept it short and was cool with her but have just left it at that and I haven’t done any of the contacting myself. But I’m still holding strong doing my thing.
Thats usually what I get from her then I initiate contact and we go back forth for a few days and boom next thing you know she goes distant but I’m going to hold myself to my word and not give in this time.
@labound thanks for the advise I agree with you. I’m doing my NC again and to be honest its only been a few days I feel good as the days pass that I have no contact with her. Im not going to lie but I do have feelings for her and also being honest with myself if I havent been able to get her back and not even have much success why Im I wasting my time. Keeping contact with her all it does is screw me up because those feelings start to comeback and once she goes distant Its like starting over again. Thats why i feel like she could be just messing with me, maybe theres feelings still there or maybe she is seeing someone else but she is the only one that knows why. SHe has initates the contact when I stop talking to her so its not like im the one doing NC and then present myself to her.
@labound Did a second round of NC help fix that for you? I got to stick to my game plan if she ever contacts me I wont fall for her and giving her the attention. Im not going to go out of my way at all. I just need to keep that in my head and sometimes I run into her at the gym so Im doing my best to avoid her too. To be honest this last time I avoided her had no contact whatsoever for over a week felt great then what happens she contacts me via text and I reply to her and I get the feeling that she is like “yes I still got him” then I feel stupid.
You think doing NC again for that long would help. Since I can say after having done NC I went from not talking to ignoring each other to building my friendship with her where she feels comfortable around me that I dont want to have to start from scratch she is someone that if I were to do that I would have to rebuild what I have with her now, she is a very private person and keeps a lot to herself unless you have gained her trust but you maybe correct and I just need to stay away from her for a while because I’m just not making any progress.
Since its recent I think you need to work on yourself, I can say that was huge for me. I can tell you from experience its not easy doing the NC you get those weak moments where you just want to give in but stay strong. If you dont mind me asking what was the reason for breaking up? It seems like he is a person that needs to be around people and he is using them for to fill in your spot and even using them to try to make him feel better about the breakup. I would keep it simple and just send him a happy birthday text and leave it at that if he replies with a thanks just say you welcome and maybe throw in a hope you have a happy new year too and leave it at that and at that point maybe wait a week and start doing first contact with him and see how that goes since I think you should be around the month mark.
My problem has been getting her to meet me I have asked several times and she always flakes on me. She has a kid and I feel like she uses her as an excuse to get out of it. Ive been around her in a group of mutual friends and I dont pay too much interest to her I’ll talk to her but Im not chasing her and just act cool and give I have given everyone there equal attention even less to her. But my main problem is getting her to meet with me. About two weeks ago I ran into her at the mall and we walked together to a few stores but she had her kid with her so just kept it cool. I dont want to keep asking her and come off needy. I recently asked to a concert this past weekend and she told me she had plans and was going out of town to a football game. I was trying to get her to the concert thinking that would be fun. In about 3 weeks there’s a comedy show I was thinking of inviting her but I probably want to wait a little before I ask again. Any suggestions on how to get her out with me?
@tami420 I will check your post. I havent contacted her since saturday night she just stopped responding to my text. I noticed when I distance myself from her for more than two days she will text me. I agree I think I need to play it cool dont get into too much text convo with her and maybe even start responding to her texts like she does to me. To be honest when I asked her something personal she had talked to me about 3 weeks prior she never even replied about it this past week. About a month everything seemed like it was heading in the right direction for two days but then all of sudden it was back to where I was at before. But If she doesnt contact me anytime soon should I contact her?
Hi Tami,
Its kinda tough without knowing whats going on with him but sounds a little how my situation started with my ex. I kinda was in a similar situation like you where it was weird like that. I got to day 27 of NC and what I did was send her a text message saying that I wish it had worked out between us but at least we tried and that I didn’t want it to feel awkward between us when we seen each other and hope that we could at least be friends and after I did it changed everything, little by little she was contacting me and I started to get her trust. It could be that he feels awkward being around you even though he says no or maybe he feels like being around you so soon makes him feel awkward that you’re there and he feels like maybe they are trying to set him back up with you. I think it just might take a little more time since its only been 17 days. Give him some time I wouldn’t say avoid him but maybe he needs his space right now. You know him better than me and maybe consider the text or some way of contact after you’re done with your NC so it makes him feel comfortable around you.
@confusedbutok I think you’re right I show her too much interest and need to back off. I noticed that when I dont talk to her I think she expects it she then ends up getting a hold of me. I think I need to get her chasing me not me chasing her. I may start to be shorter with her. The last weeks I have been complimenting her on her outfits, she had her hair done and complimented her on that, she cooked a meal for a group of mutual friends and I told her that I was going to have to go buy the engagement ring joking around stuff like that so it doesn’t get me in the friend zone. I like your idea of of doing the opposite if she compliments me on something I may say something like are you hitting on me obliviously joking around.
@tami420 Sure Ill check out your post and reply to it.You help me and I help you. I’m being nice but I dont go out of my way. I do always reply or talk to her I never ignore her or delay my texts but she will do that to me. To be honest I think I act the same as before. There was a time when she started calling me babe and it seemed like we were going to get back together she showed a lot of interest then idk what happened she started to distance herself out of the blue. It seems like she gets comfortable then gets scared and baks away. The other day I seen her and she complimented me over my outfit after through a text and I started doing that to her complimenting her before but then I kinda stopped doing it. I think one of the things I should do is limit the texting with her and not get stuck in these long text conversations with her would you agree.?
I agree with you, I was never like that even the relationship and I’m not like that now. I play it cool with her and show her my confidence and even the times Ive asked her to meet with me I never bring it back up and act cool like nothing ever happened. I’m very laid back and she did tell me that once before when we were together that it was like I didn’t even care because im so laid back (dont know if it was a good thing or bad). I just got to give it time and be patient and allow her to open up more and more like you said. I can say Ive made more progress this week.
I do feel like she is coming around and she still has feelings for me, I can say Ive noticed little things about her that show me that, but like I said earlier I feel like she just has her guard up but there’s times I get the feeling lately like she is waiting for me to say something about us but I’m trying to feel her out more.
I do wish I could talk to her about things on our past relationship that I know I would change if I had a second chance but I know I cant bring that up yet with her but I would like to do it one day if we were to get back together.
Thanks, that was very helpful I think youre right. I know I kill myself with the texting sometimes because she will just stop replying. I need to start to plan out things I can talk about like you said to make my conversations oozing. I also need to take my time and analyze what I’m going to reply instead of just writing and sending messages. I also sometimes stay on the same subject too long and Ive been working on correcting that already.
