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My break up was back in early October I applied NC and started to build up my friendship but I just haven’t been able to close the deal with her. We talk and text on a regular basis. There’s days where she seems interested then there is days where she just gives me the cold shoulder. I end getting discouraged and ill stop contacting her about a few days and then she is there again. I did ask her to go with me to a concert the weekend after christmas and she told me she couldnt because she was going out of town to see a football game. Could their be another guy? I didnt ask who she was going with all I said was cool maybe next time. She literally will text me all night some nights were I haven’t suspected their being another guy. Ive noticed that when I dont contact her for a few days she will end up contacting me so that’s why I considered to re apply NC but I also dont want to be rude and completely ignore her? I also feel like maybe I’m staying the friendzone? Any thoughts or suggestions?
are u being really nice and friendly to her? if so, you should change that. u need t talk to her like she is just someone u know and not be personal and emotional,, kind of distant but nice… it wouldnt be bad if you also wouldnt respond everytime she textes u… at least wait a few hours or one day… she just needs that small dose of you and when she gets it she gives u the cold shoulder… try to be strong and dont always answer her immediately.
would u mind (since u are a guy) look a my post and give me some opinion/advice idk anything, i am so confused…
Maybe you’re acting like a friend? Are you listening to her problems and trying to give advice? Being her emotional dump ground?
You need to treat her like a new girl that you sense is into you but you’re not that into her. Always keep the dynamic a little one sided like that.
I’d start accusing her of trying to get with you in a very funny teasing way, build tension and be a challenge. Do not act like you’re so nice and caring and hope she sees those qualities that she wants you back. It’s all about doing the opposite without being a jerk that she doesn’t want around.
@tami420 Sure Ill check out your post and reply to it.You help me and I help you. I’m being nice but I dont go out of my way. I do always reply or talk to her I never ignore her or delay my texts but she will do that to me. To be honest I think I act the same as before. There was a time when she started calling me babe and it seemed like we were going to get back together she showed a lot of interest then idk what happened she started to distance herself out of the blue. It seems like she gets comfortable then gets scared and baks away. The other day I seen her and she complimented me over my outfit after through a text and I started doing that to her complimenting her before but then I kinda stopped doing it. I think one of the things I should do is limit the texting with her and not get stuck in these long text conversations with her would you agree.?
@confusedbutok I think you’re right I show her too much interest and need to back off. I noticed that when I dont talk to her I think she expects it she then ends up getting a hold of me. I think I need to get her chasing me not me chasing her. I may start to be shorter with her. The last weeks I have been complimenting her on her outfits, she had her hair done and complimented her on that, she cooked a meal for a group of mutual friends and I told her that I was going to have to go buy the engagement ring joking around stuff like that so it doesn’t get me in the friend zone. I like your idea of of doing the opposite if she compliments me on something I may say something like are you hitting on me obliviously joking around.
@josemasa: Thank you for reply. I think you really should cxut off contact completly, or if you can just limit the texting. If you act like u always did, it wont help u get ur ex back..You ned to be distant, with short answers.. dont pretend hard to get, neither dont be all loving and so.. just be normal and distant in a nice way… things need to go slow.yoo responding to her textes that she sends whenever she feels like, and responds to yout texes whenever she feels like.. she gets what she wants/needs idk, and when she gets it, she pulls away
i agree. short conversations. few words, short answers/questions. and dont get too personal or emotional, she needs to get curious about you and your life.
about my case -i will answer on my post . thank you again 🙂
Being friends with an ex is a good thing, but playing the friend too long sends the message you are really just a friend.
By this point, you shouldve taken her out alone.
1st meeting with ex after NC: group hangout wjere you act confident and happy. You talk to your ex but do not revolve aroind her. Showing more attention to others and even a person of the opposite sex.
2nd meeting is the same pretty much.
3rd meeting is when you go out alone with her and use techniques to attract her.
Idk. Once in the actual friend zone, it’s extremely hard to get out.
I wouldnt go NC. Id get her out to somewhere fun. Be flirty in a very subtle way. If there was a cute action or touch you used to do with her, then work it in casually.
After that, back off if she doesnt respond like you want.
@tami420 I will check your post. I havent contacted her since saturday night she just stopped responding to my text. I noticed when I distance myself from her for more than two days she will text me. I agree I think I need to play it cool dont get into too much text convo with her and maybe even start responding to her texts like she does to me. To be honest when I asked her something personal she had talked to me about 3 weeks prior she never even replied about it this past week. About a month everything seemed like it was heading in the right direction for two days but then all of sudden it was back to where I was at before. But If she doesnt contact me anytime soon should I contact her?
My problem has been getting her to meet me I have asked several times and she always flakes on me. She has a kid and I feel like she uses her as an excuse to get out of it. Ive been around her in a group of mutual friends and I dont pay too much interest to her I’ll talk to her but Im not chasing her and just act cool and give I have given everyone there equal attention even less to her. But my main problem is getting her to meet with me. About two weeks ago I ran into her at the mall and we walked together to a few stores but she had her kid with her so just kept it cool. I dont want to keep asking her and come off needy. I recently asked to a concert this past weekend and she told me she had plans and was going out of town to a football game. I was trying to get her to the concert thinking that would be fun. In about 3 weeks there’s a comedy show I was thinking of inviting her but I probably want to wait a little before I ask again. Any suggestions on how to get her out with me?
well she probably will contact u again, but i advise u not to text her back.. at least a day. No dont contact her for at least 20 days, tho 30 would be even better, but that is pretty hard to keep up. but people do it everyday, you can too and if u feel bad u can always write on this board when u are feeling weak and like giving up.. she really just wants some attention from you, but you need to make her miss you and her to be curious about you if u want her back. i think its the best solution right now. do NC , if she texts do not text back.
You think doing NC again for that long would help. Since I can say after having done NC I went from not talking to ignoring each other to building my friendship with her where she feels comfortable around me that I dont want to have to start from scratch she is someone that if I were to do that I would have to rebuild what I have with her now, she is a very private person and keeps a lot to herself unless you have gained her trust but you maybe correct and I just need to stay away from her for a while because I’m just not making any progress.
its not about rebuilding what you have with her right now, that didnt work the way you wanted it to if u guys arent together.. you need to build a new realtionship with her,a new one you just have to use the feelings u two have for each other. which in my oppinion is harder than the first time,since everything (you know eachother’s flaws, good sides etc etc).. I understand that she is a private person, my ex is the same.. so ya… as long as she texted with you and so, there is always a chance just, dont get too much on a friend level since she might take u as a friend only for forever.. I really think NC is for the best right now. If you arent making any progress then consider taking a step or two back..
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