hayz

@confusedbutok

I think negative thinking is not good and we need to think positive thoughts. Also I read somewhere on a link someone posted that we need to not hope about things because the ‘universe’ or law of attraction will do the opposite.

I think it is really best we focus on our own lives as hard as that can be. Especially if they have cheated on us and gone of with another person like my ex has done.

Maybe its best to not think about the future and if our ex will come back to us. To not wonder or hope. I know this is the hardest thing. I struggle with my thoughts and all the possible outcomes. But I am lucky as I am moving to South America to live in the city and country my ex is from because that is the plan we had together and just because we broke up doesn’t mean I will change my plan.
I move in 11 days and I know he has returned home after studying abroad where I met him and it hurts that he took his new gf with him there too. He has basically replaced me with her and everyone thinks she is jealous of me and trying to be me and look like me.

Just try and focus on yourself, stay busy, work out, go out, start a new hobbie, sport or join a club or something, read and watch a new tv show and movies to distract yourself.

I don’t know of I want my ex back or not, I change my mind because I am hurt at what he has done to me when he was such an amazing guy and this is very unlike him. All our mutual friends are disgusted by his behaviour.
But sometimes I think he is in a rebound relationship because of signs that say it could very well be one, but I don’t know if he is brave enough to dump her and be alone again and deal with all the shit he has caused to me and hurting/disappointing so many people. Maybe he will try to continue it to make it seem like its all been worth it and not look like a fool for just having a temporary fling.

Oh aren’t breaks ups just terrible especially when a 3rd person is involved

Stay strong everyone and keep up the NC, I am on day 51 of NC. You can do it, just don’t get tempted for anything. Think about the end result.

@crescendanu
I agree dont message your ex when her exam is coming up or on her birthday, as hard as it will be its best not to contact her. Stick to the full 30 days or more.
My ex of 13 months broke up with me during 6 months of us being in different countries but when due to be reunited again and move together to his home country. He kissed my so called friend and now they are together. 7 weeks ago this happened and it’s so hard for me. Not only is a break up hard but 10 times worse when your cheated on and even worse when the other person was supposed to be your friend and your in a different country to them and you had been so excited to see them and start a life together and our relationship so great and envied by others.
Its hard the NC but its for the best. I have been NC for like 45 or more now. He is still with the girl and blocked me on instagram and fb and he flew to be with her in her home country the day after boxing day and is still there. I believe its a rebound and will end at ssome point.

Stay strong.

@confusedbutok
I find mornings and evenings hard too. Mornings I lie in bed thinking and nights I sit up reading stuff online and thinking weighing things up.
I quit my job because I am moving to my ex home country still like we had planned and have been trying to stay busy and not think but its hard. I saw a psychic which helped a bit but still was hard, tried mediation that helps a bit at night and the mornings but what helped me most was a spiritual healer who kind of did something like Reiki, I have thought of my ex tonight but I haven’t felt emotional or had sad feelings, it feels like when the lady placed her hands on my head and I kept thinking to myself ‘please take away the pain and emotions’ that it feels like it has gone. It may be temporary but for the last 8 hours I have not had these hard painful thoughts, emotions or feelings that I have for 7 weeks.
Some people aren’t in to spiritual stuff but I truly feel so much better and hope tomorrow is the same. It was free too.
Check it out people and mediation. 🙂

Hey seldog09 and kiwi

I too was in a long distance relationship. Me and my ex were together for 13 months, not as long as some of you here. We met in Australia, me working holiday visa him studying and after 8 months of dating and 2 months of being his friend I returned home due to my visa running out and not easy to renew it and getting a good paid job there ans being able to save money was pretty hard so I came back to.to the UK to work and save money. I worked my ass off in a job I hated, I was quite sad and down at times missing him and the life and all the friends and social life I had in Australia. But we had a plan, me to save up so we would move to his home country and start our life together. He was flat out busy day and night with studies and with that and the time difference we didn’t have a lot of time to chat and he mainly whats app me not too bothered about Skype. I did complain at times that he should message me more and skype and think that could have made things bad and me seeming more negative about my life compared to the person I was in Australia that he knew. Though when going through hard times and being apart our partners shouldn’t give up on us and show us that when the tough gets going they leave us and give up on us!!!?
Well mid November he finished uni and he was hanging out with a female friend of ours and I was a bit worried because they hungout a fair bit and the day after my birthday he kissed her, dumped me and now for almost 7 weeks they have been a couple.
We were so happy before and planned our life together, he was sweet and romantic and said all these lovely things to me about spending our life together and how much he loved me and how he was excited to come to England for xmas before we flew to his home country to start our life together. Since he kissed her he just called me not skype, cried ans said he hasn’t loved me in months which I dont know if its true (he bought his visa and I bought his flight 1 month before the break up, he was so excited and still said all these things how he loved me etc) and he was scared to break up with me ending the perfect relationship etc and resented me for things.
I am heart broken. Its been 45 days or more of nc and he flew to her home country to spend new year with her and has been there over 2 weeks. I think it is a rebound relationship, they only knew each other for some months as friends and only hung out for 3 weeks before they got together and he always told me how much he missed me and I feel she sniffed around and he allowed himself to get to close then with us arguing he chose her over me. I am not sure.

I just wonder if I could forgive and take him back if he realises what a huge mistake he has made. I feel there is no reason that is good enough for what he did. Even if I was sad and not being the best gf he was not being the best bf during the long distance and could have done better.
How would you forgive and forget?
People say I deserve better and I wouldn’t have done what he did to me and it’s been 7 weeks and he still with her.
I have been improving myself, happy photo’s on fb and Instagram (he blocked me on both) and I lost weight during the break up though I wasn’t overweight before. I have been planning my move to his home country still and I’ll be living in the same city as him again, I am going to teach English there so I have happy positive things happening in my life and I saw a kind of psychic guy who said that my ex is still in my future and that he may come back around, but that it would have to come from him. But he said I may meet someone else too.
So I am a bit confused. Do I try and forget my ex having a relationship and having sex with a girl who was my friend, him putting photo’s on fb etc and also he ignores his family and friends who tell him what he is doing to me is bad?
How would you be able to forgive and trust them again? No that if things got tough in the future again they wont leave?
The psychic guy said my ex isn’t a cheater normally but he was lonely, but its still no excuse, he was 3 weeks away from coming to me.
Sorry super long message.

@confusedgirl

Just stop all contact.
Start the nc and don’t break it for anything. Not just a little text reminding him of something or anything.
The nc is for you to work on yourself, to become stronger and focus in you.
And how can he miss you if you message him, and reminding him of something will just make him think that you are thinking about him.
The nc 30 days is there for a reason. Stick to it. I know its hard. I am on day 27 and not broke it once, my ex has messaged like 4 times and wants me to reply but I won’t. I passed a message on through a friend and that’s it.

Stay busy, start a new hobbie, go out, exercise, try not to think of him.
We all know how hard it is and my ex is in a rebound relationship too though luckily at the moment they are in different countries over Christmas but he has changed his whats app photo to a picture of him and her which hurts me. Think he saw I changed mine to a different picture and he decided to change his.
He may fly to her country to be with her the day after boxing day too which will hurt me but I am fairly confident that there relationship wont last as they are from different countries and it will be hard for her to move to his home country where he has to return for the next 3 years. And where I am going to move to in January as me and him had originally planned. So he will bump into me. But I am not sure if we will get back together.
Its very hard breaking up and trying to get back together and it can take a month or more, we need to be patient and not rush it, time is very important and we need to take it slow and work on ourself too.
Good luck x

@SL11

I am not sure, maybe him not saying anything is just him seeing what you will say or he will wait to say it in person.
Men are complicated at times, I just don’t understand them and they are all different so how 1 guy thinks and reacts is different to others. Like women I guess.
And I don’t know your ex so hard for me to say. Just try and judge it, you know him and try to look at how he acts and what he says and judge it looking at the positive and not so positive way he could be meaning things.
Good luck

@frankie
I’d probably wait, give it a week or so, maybe she won’t ho yet, could she be bluffing? Maybe she won’t make a drastic decision just yet.
Keep up the no contact for a bit longer, she wants you to reply so don’t do it yet.
I am on day 21 of nc and I know its hard. I am not even in the same country as my ex as I had to return home for 6 months and he is returning to his home country soon but started seeing another girl even though they are from different countries and seems hard for them to stay together. I think nc is best, you have already told her all you feel so what else can be said to change her mind? and it’s her that has to realise it, if you beg and plead and say you want her back and to give you another chance then you’ll seem needy and clingy.
I know its a risk but best not to break nc, dont think you’ll achieve anything and its not like she couldn’t return.
Maybe chat to a mutual friend and ask when is she leaving. But don’t tell them that you want her back as it may get back to her.

Stay strong, hopefully it’ll be worth it.

@martin

Relationship rewind is what Kevin recommends using, in his first email he recommends buying it. Did you sign up for the emails?
It’s the step 5 of the 5 step plan. He sends emails and it was in my first email. Google it if you can’t find it.

@tami420

Yeah I think I’ll contact him when he goes home, not sure when that is but I’ll try and find out from his family.
He never mentioned any problems in our relationship when we were together and in the same country and when he emailed to confirm our break up he didn’t say there was any real problems just he realised he resented me for asking him to message me more, especially when he was at a difficult end week of uni. I was going through a tough time and missed him like crazy and I saw he had time to hang out with friends and do stuff but not to message me much, we had a few text messages about it but he was ok and said sorry and I said sorry to I didn’t realise how bad things still were and stressful and I apologised many times and told him I felt bad, I said this too just a few days before we broke up. But apart from that he said he had just fallen oyt of love with me which I dont believe is true because of everything he wrote in messages and said on skype all up until 1 day when he kissed this girl he is now dating.
He said I had changed his life, I am amazing and unique, he loves me so much, this was all the day before and he had bought his visa too. So I think its bullshit and he is just giving shot reasons to justify this rebound relationship.
It makes me so sad he is with her. Its been 3 weeks today.
I just hope they finish soon, and if he goes home soon he may think more about what’s happened and hid family are mad at him for what he has done to me so at least they are on my side.
I do believe he still loves me deep down and I try to believe we will get back together, just will be strange to want to be his friend after he cheated, he may wonder why I want to be his friend.

Hope your doing well with the nc, you going to make it to 30 days? Stay strong. I will do 30 days or more, I know I can do it. It’ll be worth it rather than break it and start over again.

Maybe your ex his still hurting from the break up.give him space and time, do the 30 days, you’ll be pleased and maybe its better. Hope it all works out.