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So she called me, and we’re meeting tomorrow. I’m going to her. There was a weird mood though. I was admittedly really nervous. She was very hungover. Just upsetting as she started talking about her night out and I asked a few questions and it felt like she thought I was being paranoid again. Eurgh.
It’s just trying to keep that hope going that is so difficult. She is a realist, and her mood didn’t sound like someone who wanted to reconcile. The reality of it just being me who has all the faith kind of hit me today.
I’d really appreciate your input Patrick.
Hi Patrick, good to hear from you!
I think that she wants you. That much is evident. But I think that she wants it to happen with some element of mystery, without you two actually having to say it. Do you know what I mean? I guess that when two people first fall in love it just happens (for the most part) and I think a lot of women/people still look for that in their long term relationships. I think guys lose sight of that side of the relationship quite quickly, especially in situations like this. She’s probably still looking for some romance to be had, I think it needs to be an even balance of the two as at some point you’d need to discuss what you need to fix. Unless she already considers everything fixed.
I know that in my relationship she would often actually say that to me when I used to try and discuss things with her. “Why can’t you just let it happen?”
On my side, I have been a bit of a mess this week. I am going to see her tomorrow, and we have had sparse but pleasant contact since last weekend. Honestly I am terrified. I’m also very excited.
On top of it all, it’s weird. I have this funny feeling that she was “I don’t knowing” and not making contact to actually try and hold on to the intense feelings in our relationship. Maybe not, but now that we’ve had some normal contact and I haven’t said I want her back for two weeks, I’m so confused as to what’s going on. I feel up and down by the hour now as opposed to the day.
I went to my counsellor and he assured me it’s fine how I’m feeling which helped a lot. When I spoke to him about it all he seemed to think that she wants it back. When we had our last serious talk she did mention about a ‘honeymoon’ period with her new friends, and now she’s realised that some people you just don’t share the same views with and that’s ok, and that she’s realised how much she values our mutual friendship group. She didn’t mention me directly. I said how they’d all said that we seemed made for each other.
It’s just difficult as much like you I’m not getting a straight answer, she couldn’t talk for long last time as she had her final exam. Didn’t want to discuss activities for tomorrow then but said she would call soon. Just waiting to see what the tone of everything is now.
Wow dude, that’s really a big thing. I went through the same thing in my relationship, and a woman’s body changes entirely with the hormones. She won’t be the same person again. That will be the root of all her pain as well, the psychological implications are huge for a woman. We can try to understand but ultimately we don’t experience even half of what they do.
I mean no wonder she’s gone off the rails with it all. You really need to be there for her, regardless of whether you’re together or not. If this is recent there’s no way you’re a booty call or anything like that. She’ll just be going through ten times as much as you are.
I mean I don’t know your situation at all, but from the outside I don’t know why you haven’t just asked to get back together yet. Maybe it’s risky, but I don’t know why you guys are even apart. Maybe you can spend more time together before having that conversation though.
That’s pretty much the perfect mindset, you nailed it.
Keep it up girl.
As I said though, be aware of where you are. It will help you in the long run.
And don’t be afraid to grieve if you need to. You have to do it for yourself. It’s good to face the emotions head on.
Hold on, and let go I guess.
Got a reply. Another smiley in it this time.
It’s really weird, this nice contact is kind of spazzing me out now. Will be cool about it. At some point maybe I’ll get to ask her what happened. Not that it really matters.
Maybe I happened haha.
It’s really hard to say what he’s going through to be honest. Please though, for your sake do not read into whatsapp and facebook etc. I did that for a long time, and it will drive you insane.
The only thing you can work on is real evidence. As much as it hurts, be perfectly aware of your situation at all times. You two are not together. He’s not your boyfriend. You’ve got to accept it to move forward. You have to respect his decision first and foremost, that shows understanding and love. Make sure not to tell him what his decision is again.
Look at the way you post on here, you need to be more calm. I do it too, you can see my thread and you’ll see how erratic it is at times. Be very, very cool. Always.
Until you are really not second guessing yourself, you are not ready. That is very important otherwise you could make mistakes you don’t want to.
A good link for you here, it has a a good message to send in response to no contact.
http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-to-stop-your-exs-no-contact-rule/
Hi Patrick.
So we had some contact yesterday evening. She text apologising for not calling back, smiley faces. Few back and forths, sent photos of the cats. Maybe a little too normal but it was ok. Mentioned my x-ray which I probably shouldn’t have though. She asked about the results, and before I had a chance to reply sent a long message saying she’d been inconsiderate and rude to ask. Kind of set a weird tone on things. Not her fault obviously.
Played it off, said it was fine and that she wasn’t rude at all. Waiting for results. Going to bed, goodnight.
Today I sent her a link about cake and said it reminded of mugcakes we used to make. She responded and we joked about how hers was ‘always better’ (my food envy ha). For some reason though I got a bit freaked, talking about even the good past memories might not be a good idea right now?
So then waited an hour to reply on Facebook, made some lame attempt at flirting (I said ‘quiet you :)’ eurgh, that’s even gross to me) then said I was going for a walk and good luck with her work.
Get back from the walk which was only a bloody hour anyway, go online and she replies to me saying thanks very much, hope the walk was nice. It was muted again though.
So tried to call her just to try and calm the air, not actively saying it of course. No answer. Sent a text just to tell her I was calling to see how work was going, walk was very nice. Good night. Just wanted to close things, not leave it open ended.
Bit of a mess.
What about you?
Did she say why she’s been doing it?
You did say she suffers from bipolar so it might not be rationally to do with you.
Unfortunately I don’t think these boards can give you advice about this kind of thing.
You can only ask if it has anything directly to do with you, and continue to give her the supprt she needs.
Difficult situation dude, you could kindly suggest she tries to get some counsel from someone.
Are you two back together?
I was thinking of recording a video of this for her.
We saw her together, and I learnt it on guitar for her. Kind of says exactly how I feel right now too.
I don’t know if it’s a bit stupid though.
I think it’s really important to remember where you stand at all times, as awful as that is. There will come a time where you and her will have to speak about the two of you as I guess it’s not really fair on yourself otherwise. How can you move on if that’s the case?
I’m kind of aware of that myself. I keep denying it because it means going through the motions again. But now that we’re kind of talking, I’m feeling all that hurt again. That’s the part that has to go. You need to do that too. It should be making you feel good, why it doesn’t is something that needs to be tackled.
Not feeling great myself today. Still no reply to my phonecall, but I shouldn’t expect one. Seeing her post in our group page though hurts me. I recognise that she doesn’t know what I was calling for though, and that speaking to me is probably difficult.
The same goes for your situation. She doesn’t know what’s going on for you when you’re not together, and the same goes in reverse. That’s the hard part, but you simply must not try to let it bother you. It didn’t when you weren’t talking. Check out that torontodatedoctor site and read all the articles you can there, there’s a lot of good advice on what you should and shouldn’t expect from the other party.
