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What do you all think? I guess I just hung up on this new guy yanno. I like to think it’s just a rebound but need a second opinion.
Yep i agree. Just hoping that while I’m working on myself, the facebook thing helps trigger her emotions.
Also @mrtdg, as some extra info to your point earlier how her going public about the new guy being either a coincidence or an attempt to get a response out of me, I can tell you a bit about the context in which it cane up.
It was as the conversation was picking up steam. Not quite an argument yet but a passionate conversation. I was telling her how she can’t just give up whenever things get rough. That she can go on and find her next “soulmate” but if she doesn’t learn that relationships are hard and require effort, nothing is ever going to last. I wasn’t really talking down to her here…just expressing my feelings and hopes for her. She seemed to take it as me talking down to het and this is where she came back with “I actually have found someone else. Thanks for the best wishes!” This was obviously meant to be taken in a sort of cocky tone.
Then, as I said, after the conversation she made her IG public…seemingly because she expected me to go there lookIng for who this guy was. (She was right too)I think this only further backs up the suspicions that this is a textbook rebound, right?
I like to think I’m okay and happy without her. I’m just in that space where I’m okay w/o her but still really want her.
I know. I definitely made significant progress during the first NC period but I’m by no means “over her” and completely okay with the fact that we might not get back together. I guess that means I’m not done haha
Yeah. If you saw my earlier post, I was saying how around Thanksgiving time last year I went down to Florida to visit her at her school for the week. So that feature on Facebook that shows posts that you posted on that date in the past will hopefully come in handy. Our anniversary was also a van December 16 so hopefully that date will cause her to think about our relationship and maybe kick in some emotions and make her miss me or something
Yep. I did a month of NC starting 2 days after the breakup. Then we started talking and were basically in LC but my mind just gets to me thinking about what I could say or do to jolt her back into reality. It’s hard
And as for her likely telling me about her new relationship in order to get a reaction out of me, I do think that is the case. But I don’t think she knows it. I think she legitimately thinks she has moved on and that she’s happier in this new relationship. I think it’s all happening at a subconscious level. But eventually, she most likely will realize that this is just a rebound relationship and that she’s doing it either to help fill the void or to get a reaction out of me… or both
I can certainly agree with you there. I know that her roommate at her college and her talked about this quite a bit leading up to the break up. Unfortunately, all of her three roommates are also very inexperienced in relationships so they were probably simply backing up her instincts.
And that is something I am keeping in mind to calm myself down. Of course I want her in my life romantically because that’s how I feel about her, but when it comes down to it I know I would be happy just to have her in my life. I actually just recently got back in contact with my ex prior to this one and we very easily rebuilt our friendship
It certainly is similar. Oddly enough, in the 20 or so months of this relationship we almost never fought. Being her first relationship, she wasn’t really aware that the “honeymoon phase” comes to an end at some point. She had just never been in a relationship to experience that. I had to explain to her that that’s just how relationships are. It doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart or that the love isn’t there, it’s just a normalizing of things.
Other than that, we never really argued or anything too much. I guess that was probably bad because she never got “used” to having arguments but understanding that they didn’t mean the end of the relationship.
I tried talking her through this most recent thing by telling her that all relationships get strained..especially long distance ones. We were experiencing a loss of connection but it was something we needed to work through, not a sign to end things. She may have took my words to heart but she at least stayed true to her convictions and said that she didn’t think we could’ve worked through it. It just sucks that I /KNOW/ she made this decision because she thought it was the end of the relationship and didn’t know that it’s okay to have rough patches and the you need to work through them.
Hopefully everything I said last night to her and my full on NC will do something. Even if she is trying to move on, she must still be thinking about things and the “why” of it all. I know I sure have been…whenever I’m not studying or in class, it’s always in the back of my mind.
Of the two I definitely think it is the second. This was right about the point of the convo where I was saying I feel like she quit on me and idk if I can be in her life right now.
I have fully accepted that this is going to take a long time to reconcile (if at all). I would love for her to realize she broke it off over a rough patch we needed to work through and for her to come back in hopes that we can start anew. But at this point, I just want her to be happy and for myself to be happy alone.
I’m definitely sticking with NC. I figured if she doesn’t contact me by Christmas, I might send her a short “Merry Christmas” text and see what happens. Bonus points if she has already broken it off with the rebound guy because that means she realized it was a superficial “filler” relationship.
Thanks for that advice @Mrtdg82
I definitely agree with everything you’re saying so it’s reassuring to hear someone else back up my thoughts. I’ve said everything I could have possibly said to her about what went wrong, what I could’ve done, what she could have done, that I think she is mistaking a rough patch for “a sign that it isn’t meant to be,” and all that. I’m glad I finally got to say everything in our fight yesterday because the fact that I hadn’t said things I wanted to was eating away at me and tempting me to contact her.
After one month of NC, I did try to contact her but it was like you said. Very short, superficial, and sometimes she just wouldn’t reply. She made clear that we can’t talk every day like we did in the relationship (and I knew that) but that we could still say hi every couple of weeks. That’s when it hit me that this LC was bullcrap. I know I can’t interact with her like I did before but she’s so clearly just tossing me in the corner and trying to keep me around just enough to make her feel like she still has me in her control.
I definitely think this new relationship is a rebound (if you think otherwise, please let me know and why….don’t want to make miscalculations). But I mean going from a very deep, emotionally connected 2 year relationship to actually seeing someone else regularly (not just went on one date) is ridiculous. It hurts like hell but I know I can’t do anything about it. We aren’t dating anymore and she can do what she pleases. But it does do me some good to know that she is having such a hard time that she is turning to someone else to try to fill the void. Of course, that never works and hopefully this rebound will actually be the turning point where she realizes that she misses me.
I do hope that the high tensions of our fight will have really pushed home my sentiments that she miscalculated and took a month long rough patch as a sign that things weren’t working out and she should end it. For reference, this is her first relationship…like very first EVER (I’ve been in 2-3 before this, so I definitely have more experience and insight into what is going on). She doesn’t have anything to go off of. She has no way of knowing between a rough patch that needs to be worked through and a complete falling apart of a relationship. So I don’t blame her but I hope that once everything hits her (me completely pulling out of her life, her realization that she’s filling the void with the rebound, her mulling over my thoughts on her decision), she will at least reach out to me to discuss things and I can work from there to patch things up.
@Mrtdg
Exactly my thoughts! The few weeks after the first month of NC where we did LC was really shitty. I felt like she was pitying me and that the whole thing felt forced. I also felt like it wasn’t fair to me. You don’t get to toss me out and then ask me to stay in yor life.
I fear if I do LC, that having me hanging on plus her new relationship (even though it is cleary a rebound) will help her breeze right through the “moving on” process.
Even after the fight last night when I told her I need to not be in her life for right now, I could tel it upset her.
I’m hoping my complete removal of myself from her life for a time will make it more likely that she realizes her new relationship is a rebound, that she actually does still miss me, and maybe even that the decision she made was in haste and that she should’ve stayed and worked through things
It also just so happens that around this time last year, I went down to visit her for the week. She posted a lot of pics of us on Facebook and has not deleted them. So starting next week, that Facebook feature that shows you posts you made on that date in past years will be helping me a bit when it comes to jogging her memory and making her start missing me. Our two year anniversary would have been December 16 so there’s a few “Happy anniversary” posts and photo collages that we each posted that will be popping up in that same feature.
