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You dont need to be “over her”. Just try to evaluate whether you can be happy without her too. If not then you still need to work on yourself. Once you reach this stage, then also if you still not “over her” it means you are ready to pursue her again with renewed enthusiasm and personality!
You seem to be a good sport! Good luck!
I like to think I’m okay and happy without her. I’m just in that space where I’m okay w/o her but still really want her.
Yep i agree. Just hoping that while I’m working on myself, the facebook thing helps trigger her emotions.
Also @mrtdg, as some extra info to your point earlier how her going public about the new guy being either a coincidence or an attempt to get a response out of me, I can tell you a bit about the context in which it cane up.
It was as the conversation was picking up steam. Not quite an argument yet but a passionate conversation. I was telling her how she can’t just give up whenever things get rough. That she can go on and find her next “soulmate” but if she doesn’t learn that relationships are hard and require effort, nothing is ever going to last. I wasn’t really talking down to her here…just expressing my feelings and hopes for her. She seemed to take it as me talking down to het and this is where she came back with “I actually have found someone else. Thanks for the best wishes!” This was obviously meant to be taken in a sort of cocky tone.
Then, as I said, after the conversation she made her IG public…seemingly because she expected me to go there lookIng for who this guy was. (She was right too)I think this only further backs up the suspicions that this is a textbook rebound, right?
What do you all think? I guess I just hung up on this new guy yanno. I like to think it’s just a rebound but need a second opinion.
It doesnt look as if you’re “okay” without her. It does sound like a rebound but she has to realize this. You trying to tell this will not have any effect. You having any emotional/ intense conversations with her will either drive her away from you or confuse her more.
Use the NC period to your benefit. Things will turn around.
Yeah I know I’m not. It just sucks that whenever I’m bored and not thinking about anything, my mind goes to her. It doesn’t make this easier.
I know that the only thing I can do is work on myself right now. If anything is to happen in regards to us, it will have to start with her.
Its okay if she crosses your mind every now and then during NC. It happens since this was not a passing fling but an emotionally invested relation. That doesnt mean you have to further sulk in this feeling.
If you really want to have a shot at the relation again, man up, improve yourself to the point where she will see what she is missing out on and make her moves on you again.
It is not right to say that for anything to happen between you two it has to start with her. It has to start with you improving yourself first. Why would she care to start anything with the same person whom she left? So obviously you have start improving if you really want to have a shot at it. If you feel that she misread you and you’re not exactly at fault and dont exactly need an “improvement” then NC will help both clear out your heads. At the same time use this period to improve your overall personality (join gym, play some sport, read up, go shop, have a new style, groom yourself more often etc). Trust me, the change will be noticed.
MOST IMPORTANT, try to be happy without being dependent on her or anyone emotionally. This is the best step in the direction to get her back. Then your confidence will speak for itself. Women want to see a confident man always.
Yeah i know. I guess when I said “she has to initiate it” I meant that she has to be the one to decide to come back. Nothing I explicitly do or so can convince her. I just have to work on myself now.
Progress! She just texted me this out of the blue after 9 days of NC after the argument. Now the question is do I reply or follow Kevin’s advice and ignore this to drive her a little crazy?
“Hey xxxxxx. I know we didn’t end on good terms the other day, and I’m not asking you to forgive me, but I’m really sorry for the way I acted. It was uncalled for. I just felt like you wanted a reason to hate me, and I didn’t know how to respond anymore. I was such a bitch and I’m really really sorry. You don’t have to respond to this, and I know you probably wont, but I just needed to say that. You didn’t deserve to be treated the way I treated you, and it’s hard for me to imagine not talking to you ever again. You were such a big part of my life. I know I’m a shitty person, and I can’t ask you to stay in my life, or be my friend after everything that’s happened, but I’ll always be here for you. I hope you had a good thanksgiving with your family.”
Reply wishing her a happy thanksgiving too and hope she is doing well.
DO NOT type anything personal at all. You’re in your NC period. It is highly likely either the facebook calendar has triggered her memory and emotions and/ or her rebound has started to run in troubled waters. Either ways, you stay away from giving a friendly ear/ crying shoulder etc.
You’re not in the same state as her and if you give any emotional support then there is a good chance that she’ll feel good and again get back with her rebound as she still needs emotional support and needs to fill the gap in her life your relation left in the last 2 yrs.
Keep the good work going during the NC period.
If she calls, DO NOT pick up the call. May be call back after a few hours or the next day.That’s what I was thinking. If I was going to text her at all, I was going to make sure that it’s very short and not emotional at all. I think I might just not reply so as to maintain all of the benefits of NC for both me and her
I’ve been doing alright since the fight. Been 3-4 weeks now and I’m feeling better alone. Like I’vemade progress as far as getting used to being happy and whole in myself.
But I haven’t heard anything from her. I was hoping that since she reached out earlier and apologized, that she was running into doubts w/ her rebound
Also another note: She finally deleted our pics off her facebook just this past week
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