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Hey! Stay strong you’ve been doing really well!
That talk about wanting to die is really quite worrisome… He may want to go see a doctor or something about that…
Sorry this took me a really long time to read 😛 It seems like you two have definately made ALOT of progress since the beginning of this thread, however his mood seems to change very rapidly.. One minute everythings fine and the next he seems angry for no apparent reason.. and the other girl you’re telling us about.. Don’t outright confront him about it because as you said, that will just lead to you two fighting again, but next time you guys are having a nice conversation maybe just ask him about it. It’s quite obvious that he loves you! He just seems to have alot of stuff going on which is quite confusing :s
Hang in there! You’re on the right track! Now you’ve just got to travel the distance !
My issue is that I tend to think alot differently from most guys (for better or for worst) But sometimes other guys really surprise me by their lack of consideration or actions. So in some ways I’m just as confused as you. His actions are very confusing which leads me to believe that he really doesn’t know what he wants. But it’s evident he still has feelings for you.
What’s the rewinding technique?
And yes I agree facebook is making things worse. But I don’t want to delete her because she might take that very poorly.. However I have literally no clue whether or not she even checks my facebook. Or if she cares.. I have no clue what she’s thinking or how she’s doing and it drives me nuts!
Based on his email he definately still has feelings for you he just seems confused. He mentions that you’ll have to build a new way to be together but right now you’re not capable of it. To me that means that he stills has hope of a future for the two of you, however at this exact time he isn’t ready. The door isn’t closed, its just not fully open either. And I understand about the facebook thing I constantly check to see if there’s anything new (my ex and I were never big on social media so she rarely posts anything.. but still). I’m sorry I can’t be anymore help than someone who can empathize :/ I’m going through pretty much the same thing and all I can do is follow NC and try to improve myself :/
I wish I could be more help!
Yeah I really like that quote! I makes me feel better about the whole situation.
And I agree completely. Although this breakup is terrible and is killing me and I wish so much that it hadn’t happened. I think NC will be good for me. As I said I’m 18 (about to turn 19) and I’ve been with my ex basically since we were 15. Although we work well together and are definately compatible I think she felt like she needed to see if she could stand on her own before she could stand with me. (I really hope that she feels that way and its not that she doesn’t feel like we work) But I need to do the same. I have quite a few self esteem issues and other things to work on. If I can work on those during NC and go back to her a stronger, more independant/confident and better ME. THen I think not only would she be incredibly proud of me for doing it, but hopefully she’d be willing to give me another shot.
Who knows, maybe during NC I’ll realize I don’t want to be with her (although at the moment I can’t imagine that, It’s just that everyone keeps saying that so I must be a potential outcome!)
I am struggling with a very similar thing. Although the cause of breakup between us is different (I honestly don’t really know why we broke up… I received barely any information) but I know how you feel when you say you just don’t know how to prove it to them. Its how people always say “you never know what you had until its gone” I suppose. Even though you thought you appreciated the relationship so much and thought you knew exactly how much it meant, losing it put those feelings to shame. Its ridiculous, and it makes you even more determined to get them back right? And the only way to show them that (this is all that I can do I suppose.. It seems like the best advice I can get) is to make a serious positive change in your life, show them that you’ve changed and that you’ve realized and understood those problems and made the changes (It’s better to act then to say. Really prove it! That’s what I plan to do) but also give it time for him to miss you more and more as he gets this “single” business out of his system. And the only reason he would do that is because he misses you and he’s trying to move temptation from his path! I know how you’re feeling but just try not to overanalyze! (believe me… I know it’s easier said then done.. I literally sit at home and overanalyze… regardless of whether or not I know its wrong) but try!!
I can’t even compare my situation to yours. hell I’m only 18 so that “chunk of your life” is more that half of my life. But I know exactly how you feel when you say you’re trying to move on but you don’t want to give up that easily. Because it feels like. If there’s even the slightest chance that you could be happy together again then you would endure this pain for as long as it took. Just so long as you knew it would happen. (I think that’s how you feel atleast!) When you say you agree with him that you can’t have it the way you used to have it, it made me think of a quote I saw the other day that made me feel better…
“Even though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”
So yes maybe you can’t have it back the way it was, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have something new and even better with that same person!
And again, like I said, I’m 18 so I don’t really know how much wisdom I can offer, but based off of everything I’ve read and the advice I’ve seen on different threads, if you hang around and talk to him or keep a “false friendship”, he’ll never really be able to miss you since you’re still there. But if you’re just *poof* gone. He’ll wonder what happened to you. Furthermore it seems like he still feels terrible for what he’s doing and “keeping you on the back burner”. Perhaps its that he’s been in a relationship for so long that he forgot what it’s like to be single, or what some people (me not counted among them) consider “freedom”. Again this makes me think that, after a while he’ll realize its really not all its cut out to be. ONce it’s out of his system I’m sure he’ll realize how much he missed the feeling of being in a relationship. This makes me think of another quote…
“I don’t care what people say about being in a relationship. Having someone that cares about you 24/7 is the best feeling in the world”Sorry for the lengthy message! I hope this helps! Stay strong! 😀
Yeah I agree, it sounds like that relationship is definately a rebound. If he’s hiding it. not being nearly as open about it and seriously lowering his standards (you know him best). It sounds like he’s almost ashamed of the new relationship and he’s trying to manage his pain. And if you say he was originally showed that they were in a relationship and then he proceeded to hide it after, it makes it seem like that even more! If you just keep up the NC and really evaluate it I’m sure the time will help you both get a new perspective!
That’s pretty much what I’m hoping for with my ex. I’m just starting NC and I’m not even sure how I’m feeling. I really want her back and I just want to message her but at the same time it seems pretty clear that we shouldn’t talk. And somedays I feel better about that! And I know more happy days will begin to come! We’ve just gotta hang in there! 😀
