Boards Reconciliation broke NC and did something really stupid. need help :(

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  • #9359
    divjun
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 536

    I was on day 26 of NC. Everything was going according to the plan and I too got some positive reactions from my ex. He was trying to reach for me and wanted to talk to me from a week. On our 3 year anniversary, he actually called me up at 12 am sharp but I didnt pick.

    He probably was thinking that I dont need him anymore and im moving on with my life.

    Well, I decided to break NC and reply to his text. All was going well. He was concerned about me and was showing as if he still cares for me.

    Prior to our break up, we were having endless fights for about 3 months.
    when we were talking, it changed into an argument and all his frustration came out. He told me that he knows that he did all the mistakes but he was proud of himself that he was with me for 3 years. He said anyone else would have committed suicide because I fight on the silly things like a baby. I told him that I was sorry for wasting his 3 years and I didnt know that being with me was that tough. He said that he doesnt care if its tough or whatever. He loves me but said please grow up.

    Then our arguments ended and we started to talk normally in which I told him that I still love him and miss him and I didnt move on.
    He also said that he can never move on.
    He told me endlesa times that he loves me and cant live without me.
    But he didnt even feel sorry for his actions. He didnt even say sorry to me once.
    We again fought because he was not feeling guilty that he lied and hid things from me.

    Its been 3 days after I broke NC and he didnt contact me again. I also didnt contact him. But he said that he cant live wothout me but he is still not talking to me. I know he was frustrated about our fights for so long.
    But what now? Is this because I told him I still loved him?

    What should I do?:(

    #9385
    aamls
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 894

    re-start no contact asap. seems like hes still confused. give him time and give yourself time as well. try to better yourself. good luck and keep us posted. you still have a chance. πŸ™‚ would you mind reading what I wrote and letting me know what you think. thanks πŸ™‚

    #9399
    divjun
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 536

    @aamals thanks for reading and replying πŸ™‚

    I m on NC again. But you know what? He is talking to those girls whom I hate a lot and have asked him not to talk to them.
    We fought so many times on this and still he is talking to those girls. I don’t know what he wants and what he is upto :/

    And yes I would love to read your thread too πŸ™‚

    #9403
    Megan
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 5

    Hi Divjun,

    I think the major issue here is trust. It sounds like it is what causes most of your fights. You need to trust him enough that even though he talks to other girls that he loves you and he wouldn’t do anything beyond have a friendship with him.

    If he sees/hears that you trust him he will appreciate your confidence and trust in him and he will respect you for it too. It will also show him that you are being mature and grown up about it.

    I know its hard. insecurities are what bring up fights with my guy too.

    Maybe leave it for a while. then ask to meet him and say the above. Or if he calls answer and say those things.

    You need to learn to trust though. otherwise you will never get past these issues.

    goodluck πŸ™‚

    #9407
    divjun
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 536

    But he is lying to me and hides things from me.
    For more details you can see my other threads.
    He was flirting around and is still lying to me.
    I really dont know what to do about this.

    #9409
    Megan
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 5

    suppose you need to think about whether you want to be with a man who is a lier.
    You deserve more than that!

    #9410
    divjun
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 536

    He was not like that.
    Actually due to our constant fights he started to hide things from me because he knew it will lead to another fight.
    We both were actually frustrated.
    He stated lying just to avoid fights but has been doing all those stuff.

    Right now he is not with me so it shouldn’t matter if he is talking to those girls or not.
    But I still hate him for talking to them.
    She was the girl who tried to create misunderstanding between us.
    So I just hate her to the core. I want whether me and my ex are together or not, he shouldn’t talk to her.
    But right now, he is talking to her.
    I know he loves me but needs time after 3 months of constant fighting and was filled with frustration at the time of our break up.

    He is getting better now( his friends told me that)
    And he tries to keep his mind off me so that he would miss me less and think less of me. Thats why he talks to those girls but I really bothers me so much!!!!!

    #9484
    Laurais13
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 42

    I honestly think that every relationship should be based on honesty, and i know it sounds hard, but maybe you should go and start the NC again, cause besides the fact he still blames you for stuff shows that he hasnt grown up, he might love you but the fact he was contacting and telling other girls he was single was very immature, and he is probably having a hard time to accept it, in his vision he probably think your giving too much thought on this, which isnt very important for him. Every guy wants freedom, they might like the fact your jealous and posessive at frst, but no on lkes it constantly, the more you let your bf free the more he will commit to you, trust me. I used to tell my bf to go party on the weekends with his friends and he didnt have to talk to me or text me, to text me only when he wakes to make sure he is ok, and guess what? he texted me the whole time. And his friends would be like: dude your gf is awesome, cause their crazy gfs would obcess about it. Trust is the most important thing. And I think you should try and move on, forget him during this period, maybe invest on another relationship, its hard but it will distract you, set an appointment on your phone to let you know the day you should contact him, and if he contacts you, ignore him, i know we feel bad but he didnt feel bad when he treated you bad and flirted with other girls(:

    #9487
    keepcalm
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 3

    i agree, i think that starting NC again may help make thinks even a little clearer, but keep in mind that he does seems to be messing you around sometimes! good luck x

    #9489
    divjun
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 536

    Thanks laurais πŸ™‚
    I have started second round of NC and its day 4. Again he didnt contact me.
    I have my exams next month so I am going to keep myself busy studying for exams.
    I have that much faith or u can say trust in him that he wont get into another relationship. He might be frustrated due to our constant fights and his friends say he is getting better now.
    I don’t know I ll just talk to him when he is fine and ready to accept what he did and change for good.
    He needs space as I can see. So NC is the best option for me .

    #9490
    divjun
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 536

    @keepcalm.. yeah.. I have already started NC. Lets see what happens πŸ˜‰

    #9492
    Leslie
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 50

    Yes I also agree with what everyone is saying go No contact again.
    You broke it and that’s fine just learn from your mistakes! And while doing this round of no contact try to work on yourself and you trust issues. Trust is one of the main keys of a relationship.
    And then after 30 days or however long you are goin no contact, when you contact him again do not get emotional on him or show him you want him back.
    Remember : it needs to be his idea to get back together! Show him the fun happy confident trusting girl you can be!

    It’d also mean a lot if I could get your advice on my updated threads

    #9499
    divjun
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 536

    Thanks leslie πŸ™‚ and yes I m on NC again. But I m not planning the number of days of NC. I ll just see when he reaches out for me in the way I want (feeling guilty and actually begging me to get back).
    And I m going to prepare for my exams well. Last time I didnt clear it because of the constant fights we were having. So I ll try to cear it this time :)…

    #9505
    keepcalm
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 3

    maybe ignoring him next time he contacts you would help, to show he needs to try more? i don’t know, maybe it will work or maybe not.

    good luck with your exams too. less distractions. you’ll ace them πŸ™‚

    #9508
    divjun
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 536

    Thanks πŸ˜€
    I ignored his texts and calls for a week.
    But he isn’t contacting me this time πŸ™
    It feels so bad and disappointed that he tood me he cant live without me just 4 days ago and now not contacting me again. :/
    I think I ll give him and myself some time. I hope it gets better with time πŸ™‚

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