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By the way…at this point I am not planning on getting her back. As much as I want her back in my life…the decision to breakup for the million and one reasons was hers. I shouldn’t be chasing after her. I fought long and hard for our relationship. Now its her turn to prove to me that she wants me. However I am really not holding onto that idea. It only keeps you hoping. I am going on with my life (even if the pain is still there and I love her more than anything), but if it is meant to be, it is meant to be!
By the way, just in case you wanna know what happened and what was said in that last call, I’ve copied it here for you to read:
“So I contacted my ex last night. Told her that I don’t think its best we see each other next week. Not to sound to melodramatic, but I also told her that if she is completely certain with every fibre of her being that she doesn’t want to be with me that she should not contact me ever. I know thats harsh, but its my coping mechanism. I would prefer not to meet up or hear her talk about how she doesn’t want to be with me. I will get my answer one way or the other. I just prefer not seeing or speaking to her.
Was an odd call though. Even though I spoke most of it (was calm, collected, and calm), I could sense that she still doesn’t know what it is that she wants, because I asked her if inside she has the feeling of ‘WHAT IF?”. She said yes. I even spoke about our relationship and how and who we were together, and she agreed that we were amazing together. However, I did say I understand what she is doing and why she is using this time to think, because I said its important that one is happy with the partner they chose to be with in their life. Even though I did say I thought we were perfect together because we were a team. We bettered each other and wanted to be better for one another. Anyway, I just get this feeling she is still confused. Although she never really said much.
Last thing I said to hear is that I wish her all the best of luck for her final job interview next week, and I know that she will be amazing because I know how brilliant she is at what she does and they will take her. She broke down into tears wishing all the best for my future and everything I will do cause she believes in me etc. From that I kinda gathered for her that she has made her mind up though and we are going our separate ways.
I felt like I need that conversation. Kinda gave me the closure, but made me feel in control as the ball has been in her court, and I don’t think its fair that she thinks I am gonna wait and hope around for her like a puppet. I want to move on. Holding onto that expectation of her running back to me after doing NC is a hope that leaves you in Limbo…”
So went to stop the box (which by the way just contained photos, letters, and other sentimental things. Not material gifts) with the letter from being delivered and returned to me yesterday. Unfortunately the postoffice had already delivered it even though they said it would only be delivered this Thursday. *FACE SLAP*
Anyway oddest thing happened…last night I received a notification of a new follower on my facebook page. It was her. She unliked my page a few weeks ago just after the breakup as I was posting pics of me and my friends having a great time out and about. Dick-ish and childish move. Incredible how your emotions can make you do stupid things. I am kinda surprised considering I sent that letter and all sentimental items that belonged to us. I thought she would be upset or think of me as immature. Okay maybe she does, but why would she start following my page? Am I reading too much into this or do you think she is trying to stay in loop with my life? I did delete her as a friend on FB just after NYE. Again emotions got the better of me. Anyway its been 6 days since I last spoke to her on the phone and I plan on doing the 30 days of NC.
She is getting the letter and everything on Thursday.
How is it immature to send everything she has ever given me? (such as pictures, letters, her xmas card [which she gave to me two days before she broke up with me saying how she loves me, I am her best friend, finally long distance is over, we’re beginning our life and new adventure together, infinitely & eternally], and other little items of sentimental value.) She broke up with me out of the blue. Without warning she changed her mind. Why would I want to keep promises and objects from the heart if she ripped mine out? To be honest I am mad and deeply hurt and feel dis-respected. As I said in my last letter, I am leaving it up to her to decide what to do with the contents. I feel like our entire relationship was a lie and I was f***ed over badly because of her doubts and indecisiveness.
Everyone keeps telling me give her her time and space. She will miss you etc etc…but I shouldn’t bother and worry about what she needs. I need to worry about what I want. And what I want right now is her to chase after me and realise what a cruel and horrible person she has been. I know I sound selfish, but why should the person being dumped sit there and feel hurt and in pain because of someone who just giving up on you and everything amazing you had (especially when you haven’t done anything wrong. I never cheated on her, I never treated her like shit, I was always there for her. I helped her through everything. I gave my all.) I am not in denial and I am not taking this out on you, but I am tired. I am tired of waking up every morning and thinking of her. I am tired of trying to keep busy and small things remind me of her. I know that they say if you love someone let them free, and if they love you back they will return and it will be forever (something like that)… but how could I love someone I thought was my everything and the woman I would spend the rest of eternity with (and she said and felt the same) who from one day to the next changed her mind and has left me in a pit. I feel dead inside. I feel I’ve lost myself.
So call me immature, but I am not gonna stand for it. Someone who loves doesn’t treat you like this.
Look I don’t know if this is a phase. I love her more than anything. Have always respected, supported and honoured her. However I doesn’t feel like she is not doing the same. It just feels like she is moving on and just getting passed this hard period and then will move on with her life. And ontop of everything what’s so annoying is that she is talking to this one guy (who worked at the hospital she worked at while we were doing long distance, who I know has feelings for her) who she just claims to be best friends with, speaking to him about everything. She knew I didn’t trust him, but yet she is confiding in him. That hurts so much.
Humph…anyway I am done venting. I am sorry I come across immature, but I am just broken shattered alive. I truly thought she was the one. My perfect match made in heaven.
Hey Aphrodite,
I completely understand what you mean. My girlfriend did the unforgivable. She broke up with me literally the day we had finally ended long distance (26th Dec 2014). I was completely unaware that she been having doubts about us and our compatibility, but yet she never spoke to me about it. She broke my heart when she eventually told me everything. I was just so excited to finally be over with long distance and finally be together every single day. I thought I would be marrying this girl. Our relationship was great in my eyes. Of course the occasional hiccup here and there. Long distance was hard and frustrating. Was the only time we argued the most. When we were apart.
Anyway, if this guy has treated you so badly why would you wanna get back with him?! Thats the question you should be asking yourself.
If I was you I would write a letter, but perhaps not give or send it to him. Spill out all your anger and then burn it. That might make you feel better. However if you are not interested in getting back with him, and then by all means call him up and give him the ear full. No one deserves to be treated badly, especially when you are the one getting dumped. You have more of a right to get angry and pissed off, especially if they have messed you around. Its not fair and kind of them to do so.
