NC 4 Days – Struggling

Its been 4 days since my last phonecall with her.

To read my story here is my link: https://ebpforums.com/boards/users/acwreck/topics/

Last phone call was me telling her a lot of things (calm and collected), but the main thing was to tell her that we should not meet this coming week as she is flying into the city i live in for a final job interview. From when she broke up with me, she said she wanted to use this time (3-4 weeks) to thing about us and our relationship. To be honest I think she is just being scared and panicking over the fact that she might be making the wrong mistake of moving closer to me as she has her doubts about us. What sucks though (if you are not gonna go read my story) is that she was all happy excited about life with me, head over heels in love, and then when I went to spend xmas with her and her family she dropped the bomb of all the doubts about us etc etc (she gave a million reasons, and she was so confused about her decision. She kept changing her mind constantly, and even the last couple of times I have spoken to hear she still seems doubtful of her decision. I recently asked if she feels like she is making a mistake and has the feeling of ‘What if?’…she said yes).

Anyway I am really struggling. Even though I want to move on, there is such a huge part of me that loves her so much. I’ve played and thought about our entire relationship and can not find anything thats excessively wrong. We had fights like normal couples, but would resolve them. We did long distance for a year. Sucked so much and was tough as shit.

Just hurting really bad. My heart is in so much pain. I loved her unconditionally. She was the first I ever thought worth it, but now I have come out short. It sucks so much. Was so certain of us. It was incredible. We were best friends. We were a team. She was my everything.

Anyway would love so pick me ups and advice to help me get through this. I feel stuck in a limbo with thoughts of her and us playing on loop.

HELP 😐