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I recently packed up a box with all my girlfriends stuff that she left in my flat and every gift or letter she has ever given me. The idea of holding onto them killed me, because it made me feel like I am trying to hold onto the idea that she will run back to me.
In that box however I wrote a last letter. I can’t remember everything I said, but it was a sort of goodbye message. A few things I said was that the reason I am sending her back everything she has ever giving me is because at this point (with how she broke up with me and everything) I don’t know if our relationship was a lie or she did love me as she did. So am leaving it up to her to do as she wishes with them. Secondly I said that I believe that we were made for each other. We were amazing together. (Seriously…I thought about it. We were amazing. We were one of those perfectly annoying in love couples.) I said that I feel in love with her more and more everyday. Things got greater and better day by day. So I said that day by day is what got us through things and made our bond stronger. And the only way to now the outcome of the future is to live it day by day. She broke up with me because she suddenly doubter our entire relationship and has been trying to find answers or a sign from God (She is religious…I am not) as she has been praying incessantly for answers. She was up and down. She seemed like she doesn’t know what she wants. She has said that she is in love with me, she misses me, that she has the feeling of ‘What if?’ going through her mind. She just seems scared.
Anyway I concluded the letter by saying that I have a feeling that she has made her mind up so not sure why I am writing this letter. Finished off by saying that I love her with all of me, and that it was a beautiful journey.
I know it seems a bit harsh and melodramatic but the way she ended it all and how she did it was wrong and unfair. We were doing long distance for a year. She had these doubts before she broke up with me clearly. However never said anything because she thought it was because of the long distance. I find that wrong. She had a whole year a part to think about it all, but she did it the last few weeks before moving to my city and starting her life her. Cold feet? Anyway I am not gonna chase after her. She is making a mistake. We were perfect…PERFECT together. We had issues here and there, but only when we were apart. Seriously not the only one who has done long distance that has mentioned about the issues and little fights one encounters when apart. But when together it was just amazing.
Thoughts?
If you feel the letter will give you closure by all means send it to her, giving all the stuff she bought you might be a little immature (sorry) she might see this as you trying to rid her from your life. I put all of my stuff into a box and in a cupboard out of site.
After the letter start the 30 days NC or however long it takes you to find your happiness again.
She is getting the letter and everything on Thursday.
How is it immature to send everything she has ever given me? (such as pictures, letters, her xmas card [which she gave to me two days before she broke up with me saying how she loves me, I am her best friend, finally long distance is over, we’re beginning our life and new adventure together, infinitely & eternally], and other little items of sentimental value.) She broke up with me out of the blue. Without warning she changed her mind. Why would I want to keep promises and objects from the heart if she ripped mine out? To be honest I am mad and deeply hurt and feel dis-respected. As I said in my last letter, I am leaving it up to her to decide what to do with the contents. I feel like our entire relationship was a lie and I was f***ed over badly because of her doubts and indecisiveness.
Everyone keeps telling me give her her time and space. She will miss you etc etc…but I shouldn’t bother and worry about what she needs. I need to worry about what I want. And what I want right now is her to chase after me and realise what a cruel and horrible person she has been. I know I sound selfish, but why should the person being dumped sit there and feel hurt and in pain because of someone who just giving up on you and everything amazing you had (especially when you haven’t done anything wrong. I never cheated on her, I never treated her like shit, I was always there for her. I helped her through everything. I gave my all.) I am not in denial and I am not taking this out on you, but I am tired. I am tired of waking up every morning and thinking of her. I am tired of trying to keep busy and small things remind me of her. I know that they say if you love someone let them free, and if they love you back they will return and it will be forever (something like that)… but how could I love someone I thought was my everything and the woman I would spend the rest of eternity with (and she said and felt the same) who from one day to the next changed her mind and has left me in a pit. I feel dead inside. I feel I’ve lost myself.
So call me immature, but I am not gonna stand for it. Someone who loves doesn’t treat you like this.
Look I don’t know if this is a phase. I love her more than anything. Have always respected, supported and honoured her. However I doesn’t feel like she is not doing the same. It just feels like she is moving on and just getting passed this hard period and then will move on with her life. And ontop of everything what’s so annoying is that she is talking to this one guy (who worked at the hospital she worked at while we were doing long distance, who I know has feelings for her) who she just claims to be best friends with, speaking to him about everything. She knew I didn’t trust him, but yet she is confiding in him. That hurts so much.
Humph…anyway I am done venting. I am sorry I come across immature, but I am just broken shattered alive. I truly thought she was the one. My perfect match made in heaven.
I know your angry and everyone on this site will agree with you, it hurts, it breaks you so much that you feel you will never be repaired, I have gone through all of these emotions and still do, it does get easier I promise you that.
I am sorry for saying immature but she will see it has a way that you just want rid of her which I know deep down you don’t but you want to clear the thoughts and memories out of your head and start afresh. I didn’t give them back just put them in a box and out of the way, maybe someday I will look in there and not be heartbroken, sad, angry but smile that I am stronger and moved on.
I thought my ex was the one but clearly not if he could walk away after everything and leave me broken, but day by day is does get a little easier. I’m on day 6 of NC and can already feel the benefits, you don’t feel the rejection time and time again if you stay in contact.
As for the guy she is talking too he could be just a friend don’t let your emotions cloud your judgement, you know her better than anyone, she made just need a bit of support to figure it all out. Give her space and time, not only for her but for you also.
If it helps I have a diary and everyday I write down my thoughts and I don’t re-read but it helps clear the mind, I go for long walks, call fiends and keep busy around the house or at work, focus entirely on you.
I also know that once you accept the break up which can take a little while you do tend to feel better and mentally you feel stronger.
If you can stop the delivery by all means do it. You should not act on anger at this point if you want her back.
That won’t bring her back. You will still feel the same as you are after you get rid of her stuff, while effectively closing the door for her which she won’t bother knocking again.
If you really can’t have the things she gave to you, then by all means get rid of them instead of doing what you are doing. Those are just items in the end. Real value of relationship is through communication and love, not some replacable, disposable things.
Everybody here feels your anger and frustration. That may have valid reasons but you need to be calm now more than ever.
So went to stop the box (which by the way just contained photos, letters, and other sentimental things. Not material gifts) with the letter from being delivered and returned to me yesterday. Unfortunately the postoffice had already delivered it even though they said it would only be delivered this Thursday. *FACE SLAP*
Anyway oddest thing happened…last night I received a notification of a new follower on my facebook page. It was her. She unliked my page a few weeks ago just after the breakup as I was posting pics of me and my friends having a great time out and about. Dick-ish and childish move. Incredible how your emotions can make you do stupid things. I am kinda surprised considering I sent that letter and all sentimental items that belonged to us. I thought she would be upset or think of me as immature. Okay maybe she does, but why would she start following my page? Am I reading too much into this or do you think she is trying to stay in loop with my life? I did delete her as a friend on FB just after NYE. Again emotions got the better of me. Anyway its been 6 days since I last spoke to her on the phone and I plan on doing the 30 days of NC.
By the way, just in case you wanna know what happened and what was said in that last call, I’ve copied it here for you to read:
“So I contacted my ex last night. Told her that I don’t think its best we see each other next week. Not to sound to melodramatic, but I also told her that if she is completely certain with every fibre of her being that she doesn’t want to be with me that she should not contact me ever. I know thats harsh, but its my coping mechanism. I would prefer not to meet up or hear her talk about how she doesn’t want to be with me. I will get my answer one way or the other. I just prefer not seeing or speaking to her.
Was an odd call though. Even though I spoke most of it (was calm, collected, and calm), I could sense that she still doesn’t know what it is that she wants, because I asked her if inside she has the feeling of ‘WHAT IF?”. She said yes. I even spoke about our relationship and how and who we were together, and she agreed that we were amazing together. However, I did say I understand what she is doing and why she is using this time to think, because I said its important that one is happy with the partner they chose to be with in their life. Even though I did say I thought we were perfect together because we were a team. We bettered each other and wanted to be better for one another. Anyway, I just get this feeling she is still confused. Although she never really said much.
Last thing I said to hear is that I wish her all the best of luck for her final job interview next week, and I know that she will be amazing because I know how brilliant she is at what she does and they will take her. She broke down into tears wishing all the best for my future and everything I will do cause she believes in me etc. From that I kinda gathered for her that she has made her mind up though and we are going our separate ways.
I felt like I need that conversation. Kinda gave me the closure, but made me feel in control as the ball has been in her court, and I don’t think its fair that she thinks I am gonna wait and hope around for her like a puppet. I want to move on. Holding onto that expectation of her running back to me after doing NC is a hope that leaves you in Limbo…”
By the way…at this point I am not planning on getting her back. As much as I want her back in my life…the decision to breakup for the million and one reasons was hers. I shouldn’t be chasing after her. I fought long and hard for our relationship. Now its her turn to prove to me that she wants me. However I am really not holding onto that idea. It only keeps you hoping. I am going on with my life (even if the pain is still there and I love her more than anything), but if it is meant to be, it is meant to be!
I think it is ok you sent everything back. I might be in the minority here. She wanted out, it hurt you, she is not available for you, you might have to move on, sometimes the easiest way to move on is not to hold on. I sent my ex-gf stuff back after she said she didn’t want to see me again and she was in complete tears. Don’t know why someone would react like that if they don’t want to see you.
I say you just be yourself. Just be the person she fell for. If she can’t realize that then it has to be her loss.
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