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Posts
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Sorry about the rant yesterday. But ‘anger’ is part of the process right? I’m working on forgiving him. I’ve been writing in my journal a lot and that helps me tremendously. But, all of us need to forgive our exes before we even consider getting back together with them. That’s what I’ve been working on the last two days. It still hurts, but I need to find my own peace of mind without him.
It’s been 5 days since we talked, who knows how long this nc period will last but he chose this for us, just like he chose to breakup. There’s nothing I can do about it.
I wish time would speed up…
Yes anger is fine. Journals are good. I found that reading my first entry from weeks ago, while painful, showed me how far I’ve come.
I am also feeling hopeless like you…maybe I’m getting close to acceptance. It still hurts so much and I still feel so broken. But I don’t cry as much, I am able to eat and sleep for the most part. This suxs. I hate him for putting me through this, I thought he would marry me and we would live happily ever after. I don’t know if I was so blind that I missed all the signs. I feel like a fool.
Don’t feel bad. We’ve been here before right? I mean broken up with. It will pass. I am finding that these sites becoming counterproductive. To constantly talk and rehash small details…I mean it’s good at first. Good to get an unbiased opinion. But after a while it feels like just reliving small moments and details to get that small good feeling back. I think I am going to taper off my posting and viewing. Maybe you should do the same.
I agree with you. I think I get constantly reminded of him and not in a moving forward way, but rather “hoping that won’t allow me to move on” kinda way. I’ll be unsubscribing from many of the threads. Or I might check back if he contacts me, but until then, good luck everyone. We will get through it…
He sent me an automated email from where he sent me my stuff. I did ask for my things back a week ago, but it still hurts. I was really drunk last night when he sent it, and wanted to send me a nasty email about how I hate him for hurting me (in my drunken state of mind) but my best friend stopped me.
I am still going back and forth between anger and acceptance. A lot of anger sometimes. But, this feels very final…getting my things back from him…kind of heart broken all over again.
That really hurts. I am sorry. I do think it is good that your friend stopped you from sending the email. Just feel what you feel. This is a very hard process to go through. Each step is like a fresh heart break, I think.
Maybe it is final, and maybe it isn’t. But I am coming to think that thinking it is final is better. If he really comes around in the future, you having moved on won’t stop him. Then you can decide what to do then.
I sent him a text today wanting to talk and wanting closure.
I probably shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help myself. Now I gotta wait for him to call me. He’s probably at work.
So, I broke all of Kevin’s rules and talked with him yesterday for about two hours. I was tired of carrying all the hurt and anger inside and just told him everything about how I was feeling. I never told him I love you or that I wanted him back though. Because right now, I don’t want him back. I know he still cares and loves me, but he’s emotionally not capable of letting me in. So, at this point in time, we don’t be getting back together. We laughed, we cried, we asked questions, we caught up on the last month…it felt very natural. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but he really wants us to be friends and get to know one another from a distance. As we became physically involved before emotional when we started hooking up.
Anyway, I’m going to just try to not think about him as much and just focus on myself, my yoga practice, moving to the west coast. I know I shouldn’t, but I’m going to depend a little on him for emotional support to get through this. It’s possible I might get super confused, but I only want him. I know we can’t be together right now, but I do have hope for us in the future. I’m just going to be his friend, and become a better person and pursue my dreams.
Hi everyone! I want to write a different kind of blog from now on.
Just a little update: I told him everything I wanted to say, asked him everything I wanted to ask, and I feel satisfied now that at this point in time, we will not be getting back together. He told me to move on. And I think for the first time since the breakup, I’m actually going to move on. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still the one I want and I hope and know that we’ll get back together, but not now.
I told me I didn’t want to be friends because it’s too hard, then I changed my mind and told him that I didn’t want to lose him. The thing is, it doesn’t matter what Kevin says, my ex isn’t capable of loving me right now like the way I deserve to be loved. He has to heal, and after a month on nc, I want to help him too.
Anyway, the reason I say that I want this to be different from now on because I want to stop being a pathetic person in love right now. I can’t change my situation or his mind, so the best thing is to move on for all of you. It doesn’t mean that you give up on your ex if you think they are the one, but it means that you care enough for yourself to allow yourself to move on and step away from the black hole that we are right now.
I am starting NC again, not because I’m going to wait for him to contact me, but because I am going to allow myself the time and space to heal, forgive, and move on.
Who is with me? We can do this if we really want to and realize it’s best for us.
NC, not sure what round, Day 1:
I woke up this morning really early (I always do after a night of drinking) and even though I was sad but I felt a glimmer of hope that things were going to get better. Today is the first day of moving on, and I am ready for it. I feel resolved after talking to my ex about the breakup and why he did it. Even though I don’t agree with it but he was able to convince me to move on. So, I am. He said, move on, it’s ok to move on. And I said “ok.”
I know more than ever that I’ll always love him, but I’m going to make space in my heart for me and what’s best for me. I know we’ll get back together, someday, but I can’t allow myself to keep hurting in the meantime. I am going to allow myself the time and space to heal and move on and welcome the possibility of really dating another man. Not ready for it yet, but if I heal, I can.
All of you should do the same. Don’t be the pathetic lover who’s still waiting because that’s unattractive. Be the strong person you ex fell for and let them know that you are fine without them and that you’ve moved on. If you linger, you won’t look attractive to your ex. So, move on for you, not to show him anything, but do it genuinely for you. You deserve better. You deserve the best, so go get it! Get a hold of yourself!
I always like to hear from you @Travelbug. I think that no matter what Kevin says, you have to do your breakup your way.
I am having trouble deciding if my ex is capable of a relationship or if she just didn’t want one with me. I don’t know.
Sounds like you are doing pretty good considering.
Sunshine11, I asked my ex that question too: whether there want enough love or whether he was just too fucked up to be in a relationship. The thing is, it doesn’t matter what they say, but in my mind I know that he’s not capable of being with me right now, the right way. And I also don’t want an “half-ass” relationship. So, tell yourself whatever you need to to help you move on. You can’t read their mind, and I know for my ex, he doesn’t know a lot of answers himself. At the end of it, it still doesn’t matter because he still doesn’t want to be with me.
NC Day 2:
Woke up dreaming about him and my stomach was in knots, I tried to calm my mind and sleep through it, but couldn’t. I have to accept that this will take time.
But, I feel the same positive feeling I felt yesterday of hope that it’ll be over soon and I’m going to be happier everyday. I do and will feel happier than yesterday and I will move forward. I think I would really like to do nc this time and ignore his calls and texts. I already told him how I feel so even if I ignore him, I know he will understand and not hate me for it. The thing is, we are both nice and good people, and I don’t want to get him back by tricking him to believe that I have moved on. I really want to move on so he knows that I have strong and capable of not being with him and am happy without him. I don’t think even that will bring him back, but at least, I won’t be hurting anymore like I am now.
I know he won’t contact me today, and I know I won’t either, and I feel like I’m not waiting for it or expecting it anymore. I just feel more peace not thinking about it, obsessing about it, or waiting for it.
Those of you that read what I write, I hope that you find a little bit of hope for yourself or find a little strength for yourself to move on. That’s the only option we have right now. Even though sometimes I feel like I don’t want to, but I know I have to, and I’m going to.
Travelbug- I’ve been taking time off from reading this site so I just read your previous few posts. You should take solace that you got answers from your ex and know where he stands. At least your mind is not asking those questions.
Now to your new period of NC, yes that is for you and only you. NC cannot get your ex back on its own so keep that in mind. If you haven’t already, then remove all reminders of your ex. It may hurt thinking about doing it, or even hurt while doing it, but will help a lot in the long run.
The dreams will come and go. Not much you can do about them except know that they will pass and become less frequent. the pain after the dream will pass too. Keep in mind we have our memories, but they are only memories. It is okay to think of our ex and something we did together and get emotional, but you will find, as I am finding, the sadness gets less and less each time and you do start to feel better.
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