Recent Heart-break

I didn’t say it to be hurtful. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Update:
So after exchanging a lot of texts yesterday, he called me last night and I called him back. He admitted that he wasn’t as good of a bf as I needed him to be. He apologized profusely and told me that he was scared to get hurt again after his ten year relationship. He seemed very sincere and sorry that he wasn’t “ready” for us. I played it cool and I told him that I deserved to be with someone who loved me whole-heartedly. He said I was a really important person in his life and that I still am.

We also talked about the orgasm thing and he said even though his pride was hurt that he understood. He said it would have helped us grow if I were honest, but he understands why I did it.

He said, it was really nice to talk to me and that he didn’t want to lose me as a friend.

I told him to see a therapist to work on his issues.

I just feel like it’s not over for him either but he can’t do it right now. We also live on opposite coasts now…so long distance would not work. I wish I could see him…

But I know if I did, we would just jump into bed because we have this crazy attraction.

We ended our half an hour conversation with him saying “don’t be a stranger” and that I’m really important and that he really cares for me. I didn’t say I care for him too, I just said “thanks, that’s nice to hear.”

I feel kinda better after our conversation…I don’t know if I’m giving myself false hope but we had this amazing connection that I just can’t give up on. I am going to continue to date and work on bettering myself…can’t I just be a distant friend for now? It’s not like we’ll see each other anytime soon with him being a 4 hour plane ride away…

Please tell me what you guys think…

I had this realization today…I think I understand now why he broke up…

So, I’ve been feeling like he wasn’t giving me enough time and attention since we got into a long distance relationship after 7 months of dating…I kept wanting more and telling him if he doesn’t do what I ask, that I’ll leave. The first two times, he calmed me down, but the last time he broke up with me. I think, he realized that I was going to leave him if he didn’t do what I asked, freaked out and broke it off to protect himself and his heart.

It’s still not my fault because I wanted what I needed for him, and he was really busy with a very challenging new job, a new city, and a whole lot of stresses. It really wasn’t any of our faults, but I pushed me too hard when he had too much going on in his life…but a heart wants, what a heart wants…

I wonder after some time as things are settling down for him at work, and he is getting settled at his new house in a new city, if he will miss me and want me back, or would he try to find someone there?

I don’t want to wait till we are old and grey to get back together. I’m going to give it till next summer when I am planning to move to the west coast as well. But I’m going to obviously see how things go with us being friends. Frankly, I want him to date someone else to realize that what we had was something spectacular that people don’t come across that often.

But I can tell that he’s still very much in love with me and is emotionally connected to me. I think this space and time will help clear his mind.

But at the same time, I won’t stop dating and seeing other people. Who knows? I might find someone else and forget all about him. I remember this one ex bf who broke up with me and wanted me back three months later…But I had already moved on by then and had really worked on myself and had a lot of new things going on in my life.

I am just going to focus on myself and talk/text with him once/twice a week and see where it goes.

I hope so!

Haven’t heard from him today. I think he’s unsure of what he really wants to do and how much he should contact me. But, he has to communicate first this time before I reply.

Good night all of you heart-broken people. I hope we get stronger everyday!