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@TravelBug The mornings are the hardest for me too. The ache in my chest is so strong that I have to force myself out of bed. The rest of the day isn’t too terrible.
I think this is the perfect time to re-start NC. Who knows why he stopped? But since you are travelling, this is a good time to just not contact him. When you get back, I would see if he contacts you. If not, then keep going with the program as usual.
I still haven’t heard anything from my ex other than the package with no note. I really wish I could have gone over to her mom’s yesterday when I was invited because I never know if I will be invited again. But it is probably good that I had other plans.
Do a short round of NC will be my suggestion.
It seems to me like he is texting you just to see “if you are still there”. You gotta make him feel like you are over him. Like you have moved on with your life. I have the feeling that he knows that you are a mess right now.You said that he was a mess inside, but as long as he feels he “has you hooked” there is nu hurry in sorting it out. You will still be there when he is ready. That is how he thinks right now (I guess)
Work on yourself, plan at least 2 fun and exciting things for every week. And also plan: How will I make him see that I am having a good time and doing these amazing things.
Oh, and one more thing:
Do not listen to your friends on this topic.They do not know what NC is or anything else that has been written on this site.
Every time I bring up my ex, my friends also say: “Get over it, move on. You cant win anyone back when they have broken up”….I am trying to not listen to my friends and I tell them that I feel like it’s not over…but they don’t believe me. They probably just think time will fix it and I hope they are right. Today is day # 7 of second round of nc. How much longer should I wait? I still haven’t asked for my things back, I could break nc by texting to say, “Hey would you mind mailing my things to me? Let me know how much it is, and I’ll send you a check along with your key. Thanks.”
What do you think? It’s been 22 days since we broke up. I’m sure I’ve come a long way…I don’t cry anymore, but I still wake up ready early in the morning with this hole in my heart.
I don’t know how I’ll show him how much fun I’m having. I could send him pictures of my travels. I deleted him from Facebook for my own sake, so, he cant see my pictures there.
When I say he’s still a bit of a mess, it’s also from his previous relationship with his ex wife of ten years. He said he was over her but there’s still a lot of anger and resentment and he was very close to his in laws. So, that’s kind of complicated…do you think this effects his reasons to break up (that’s what he said…that he’s not ready and he’s still a mess)?
Please comment on how long I should do nc and if I should send that text?
Hey TravelBug,
No. Do not send that text. And continue NC. For how long? Well here is what NC should be about: You overcoming the break-up so that the ground is completely cleared of all the pain and you can start something NEW with a person you already know. For this to happen, you should be completely stable. The thought of the two of you never coming back together should not hurt anymore, you should be able to accept it. Only then can the two of you fall back in love together.
So for how long should you do NC? Well, from my own experience I know that desperation needs at least something to hold on to, so I’d say complete 30 days as suggested here. Should you stop NC after 30 days? Here’s how you know. Imagine the two of you never getting back together. Does this thought still hurt? If yes, continue for another week, then ask yourself the same question again.
NC is extremely hard. I know. From what I think, I myself failed doing it correctly. It is about discipline and it is about controlling your emotions, which is, as we all know, quite impossible.
Get distraction. I know it hurts. I know there’s nothing you’d want more than hear is voice, get a text from him, just some sign of his presence.
Love is the most beautiful and probably powerful drug there is. But right now you’re on detoxification. Cold turkey. And you can do it.Benz
It’s been 9 days since round two of nc. Haven’t heard a word from him. I returned from vacation today. It still hurts but it hurts less. I think the vacation helped to distract me…
Tomorrow, I’m going start a diet and start eating healthy. I’ve lost 6 lbs since we broke up. I’m starting to accept that this is how it’ll be and all I can do is move on. Going on a date tomorrow…life goes on…
I am kind of glad that he’s not messaging me. It’s helping me move on…
Just wish that the hope would go away.
I really thought that after a few weeks, it would get better. I haven’t seen him in over a month. Is 30 days really enough for the 5 step plan? I’m certainly not going to feel like I’m over it in 6 days…
Anyway, having a low night. Guess I have the post vacation blues. I wonder if he misses me or if he’s busy fucking some girl he just met on the bed we slept in and using the pillow he bought for me.
I hate the thought of him with someone else. It hurts, I cant sleep or eat.
Something I leaned in my NC is to take one step at a time. Set yourself a goal like: Ok I gotta get throug these next 3 days. And then set your self project or something you want to accomplish in those 3 days.
Like: I need to go on 1 date, loose x lbs and buy one new outfit…
I think I’ll do that today…set a goal for myself.
I just don’t understand why he just stopped texting?! I wish I was the one to say, hey, I need some time…so it would have been on my terms and not his. But I was keeping the communication line open and he stopped again. Why? I was a bit cold, but I was answering his texts. Maybe he’s dating someone from match.com and trying to move on…
Why do you guys think he stopped texting after I told him I was having fun on vacation?
I know I shouldn’t have, but he’s no longer on match.com. I think I’m pretty sure that he found someone on the site and dating her.
I know Kevin says that that’s normal, but it hurts to know that he’s with someone else. I can’t even think of sleeping with someone else…but he seems to have so quickly moved on…
Wtf is wrong with me? He doesn’t want me, why do I still want him?
Thanks @creed, you’ve been such a help to me. I’m writing down a list of things to do for the day and also start the master cleanse today. And I have a date tonight too, which I’m not that excited about but…who knows?
I really want to break NC and ask him to send me some pictures of us…before he deletes them. As I had mentioned before in one of my precious posts that I lost all the photos of us because I hid them in a folder on my phone and during the last update the hidden folder got deleted. So, I have ONLY one picture of us together…and everything else is completely gone.
Is that a bad idea? I want to ask him to send me my things and send me the pictures of us so I can keep the memories.
Please advise!
Normally I would advice you to not do it, because No Contact is No Contact… But in this case with pictures and memories I say yes: You should ask for them, and the do the NC after that. Afterall they cannot be replaced if he deletes them…
(But I am pretty sure he hasn´t deleted them…)And to answer your other post about match.com…
Who said it was because he has found someone??? Maybe he gave the dating world a try, but found out that he just wan´t ready to meet anyone??
But yes… When we are heartbroke we always asume the worst….But I dont think you need to worry about that…
I actually got some great advice today that I will use next time I am hurting…
Whenever you are down, sad, heartbroken or what ever. You write down on a piece of paper EXACTLY how you feel in this moment. Write it all down, and dont worry about the grammar, nobody is gonna read it… Not even yourself…
And be honest… Not matter how cruel, evil, scary of sad these thoughts might be, they need to go down on paper….
After all your thoughts has been put on paper, you go out for a walk. Clear your head and relax. Think about the good thingss in your life. Your friends, your family, your dog ect….When we hurt it is stored in the right ide of the brain (Emotional side), but by putting all our thoughtss onto paper we store it in the left side (the logical side)
After your walk you can throw the paper away…
I haven´´t done this myself, but I will give it a try 🙂
I like that. I’ve been writing a lot in my journal actually…it’s helped me a lot.
I talked to some friends in desperation and they told me not to contact him because I’ll be reopening a wound I’m not ready to open. I don’t think he’ll delete the pictures either…I hope not. I have one picture for now, so I’ll just hold onto that. I’m trying to convince myself not to be attached to something tangible like a picture, because they happened whether I hadn’t proof of it or not.
So, for now, I’ll be continuing nc. It’s already day # 9, I’m going to contact him on his birthday which will be thirty days from our last contact.
Thanks creed! I feel like we are friends!
Onto beginning the rest of my day…
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