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i think we all do better when we arent in touch. as much as i want to hear from my ex, i dont at the same time. it sure makes things harder. but i love her and do want to be with her
I know it is better for me to do no contact. The only time I want to talk to her is if we are having a conversation about how she wants to get back together. I figure if she wants that then she will contact me. Otherwise, I am just doing my best.
I do want to hear from her, but it will hurt too badly for me to do a false friendship. If I could go back and only have a friendship with her, I would. But now I am in love with her. So no contact is best for me.
It is my responsibility to create a happy life for myself. I am still capable of doing that without her.
NC Day 6?
I think I’m starting to lose track of days. Hopefully after a while I won’t need to remember how many days it’s been. I still wish that I could talk to him, but I know it’s best for me that I don’t. I’ll do NC until he contacts me, even then, I’ll be limited to what I share with him. I won’t be rude, I’ll answer but I don’t want to be his friend like he wants. I only want to be his lover, his gf, his wife. I think the only way we could be friends is when we have both moved on and found someone else that we are happy with. Only then. Until then, we’ll just be pretending to be friends and I don’t want that because I’ll be going back to being emotional and hurt all over again and all this work I’ve done to better and improve myself will be flushed down the toilet. In a way, I hope that he doesn’t contact me, and in time it’ll be “out of sight, out of mind.” Wait, he’s already out of sight because he lives thousands of miles away, but if I don’t hear from him, I’ll eventually forget about him, I hope. But I know that he’ll contact me, and I’m afraid of how I’ll react to it.
The hurt is lessening everyday. I haven’t cried once yesterday. I mailed him his key and a blank check for the shipping. I donated the things that reminded me of him and threw away my toothbrush that I left at his house. In a way, I feel like I’m shutting down the door that was open for him, slowly. I’m building a wall around me that I don’t want anyone to enter and definitely not him. He doesn’t deserve my love, so I’m not going to give it to him. I’m going to try to take it away slowly till I have nothing left for him. It’s his loss anyway because no one will love him like I did, and he’ll never find the connection we had with anyone else. If he’s able to give me up, I should be able to as well. I am a strong person and I don’t need him to be happy.
Anyway, Happy Halloween everyone!
Day 7:
I feel soo good about my progress. Sure I cried again while talking to a friend, but I feel like I have myself back.
I went on a date last night and spent the night at his house (in separate beds) because I drank too much. He was very sweet and friendly and probably could tell that I wasn’t interested in anything physical. I had a great time and will see him again and I’ll probably be honest about where I am next time we hang out. Hope he’ll still want me around as a friend.
Go TravelBug! That’s great news, good for you. I’m so glad you feel as though you “have your self” back. That is a hard fought victory, and I’m proud of you!
I hope the guy you went on a date with last night will turn out to be a good and positive and fun influence in your life, and turn into a good friend, or maybe even something more, who knows? Either way, have fun, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you! And thank you so much for your wise words and encouragement to me.
Wish I could say I was doing as well as you, but, oh well. I have taken your advice and have been writing a lot in a journal about my feelings. It does help with the pain. And yes, I’m doing my best to get to know the wonderful new city and country that I’m so lucky to find myself in now (I’m in the south of France!). I do wish my ex could be with me, discovering and exploring it all with me, but I’m very happy to be here anyway. Most people would kill for the chance I have to live here, and I remember to feel grateful for that everyday.
Tears this morning for me too, in bed, when I woke up. oh well. Saturdays are hard. I’m in my seventh month now of the break up. And 12th day of new NC.
I heard the south of France is beautiful! Would love to visit someday! Try to be happy for yourself, tell yourself, I’m happy. I can be happy by myself. Because you can. Forget about him (I know seems impossible) and just go be happy! Think about yourself, be selfish. If something happens in the future, great, if not, at least you’ll have this great experience of living in a new country. Sometimes I think about who are more unfortunate than me, like people who have terminal illness or cancer, and I tell myself, I’m so lucky to have my health, my friends, a job, my home, and so much more.
Don’t be ashamed to cry. But each time you very cry, afterwards try to feel a little better. Keep writing, and plan things that you can look forward to. Go on adventures!
I find a lot of comfort in your story, as it is similar to mine. So, I want you to be where I am. I know you’ll get there, but you have to want to.
How are you doing, TravelBug? How was your Day8/9?
I’m OK. Trying to be strong. Grateful for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I’m happy enough on my own, have always been happy on my own, and have been single for much of my life (was single for four years before I got together with this ex). So I’m not someone who needs to be in a relationship to be happy. I miss my ex dearly, still, even after all these months, but it’s not as though we were together for ten years and I have to relearn how to live on my own again. I feel I’ll be alone again for a really long time. That’s OK. But that’s why this break up hurts so much. I’ve never dated casually, and he knew that. He knew that if he got into a relationship with me it would have to be serious. I’m also at an age where, well, I’ve no time to waste in pointless dating. So , well, it hurts. It really hurts that he left me. But no, I’m not desperate to be with him at all. I want to be with him only if he loves me and wants me to be his partner for life. Otherwise, I’m better off on my own. And if it means that I’m alone for the rest of my life, well, so be it. I’ve been alone for most of my life anyway, so nothing new…
But, god, how it hurts. I’m on day 12 of new NC. Not a word from him yet. And, as you say, what am I expecting/hoping to hear anyway? I was hoping he’d want to see me when I’m back in his city later this month but clearly he doesn’t.Hi SM, I went to a party last night and got really drunk but had a great time. Today would have been our one year anniversary, so I’m a little sad. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I was looking forward to it before and now it’s just another day. We met exactly a year ago. I think drinking makes me a little sad the next day, so I’m going to avoid drinking so much.
But overall, I’m doing good. No urge to communicate with him. Time really does help to move on. Oh, I met this really handsome German guy on the plane. Flirted with him and we ended up exchanging numbers, and he messaged me to say how beautiful I am and it just made me feel so good. I felt like I could make space in my heart for someone because I felt a spark with this guy. He invited me to visit him, who knows? I might! It’ll be nice to have a fling and that way there’s no question of relationships because frankly I won’t be ready to be in a relationship for a bit.
I am happy to hear that you know that you don’t want him back unless he’s ready to give it his all. I agree with you totally. Unless he comes begging at my doorstep, I won’t even consider giving him another chance. And yes, I feel like I’ll move on faster if I don’t hear from him at all. The source of my pain, confusion is not eliminated.
And don’t worry, you’ll find someone else. I’m 32 now and don’t have any more energy left in me to go through another heartbreak. But I don’t have time for meaningless relationships either. Just accept that you can’t control the future and let it unravel.
Good night! Hope we all find more peace and hurt less tomorrow.
Hi TravelBug, good for you! Keep being strong, even if you feel sad today, don’t let it overwhelm you! Good for you for going out and having fun and realizing that there is fun to be had without your ex, and that the anniversary is just another day. It really is. And never mind if you got a little drunk; as long as you don’t get sick or drink too much that you lost control, no harm in just letting go a bit and having fun – but safely – with friends.
I hope something fun happens with the hot German guy! And even if nothing comes of it, I hope it will give you some positive impetus to keep being strong and reworking your life without your ex.
I hope you will find someone else who will give you what you deserve and want and need. I hope the same for myself, though I don’t have much hope. I’m older than you – 37, almost 38 – and at some point I have to realize that it is not necessarily a “given” that I will find a life partner.
But, again, having been alone for much of my adult life, I don’t feel I need that. I would have loved to share my life with my ex, and spend the rest of my days with him, but I also know that I don’t need a man; certainly not a man who doesn’t love me. Nor do you; nor does anyone.
I’m glad to hear that you won’t give your ex another chance unless he comes begging. That is exactly the attitude I’m trying to have. I know that will never happen – he will never come back; he hasn’t even responded to my casual email yet (it’s been 13 days now, so I know he’ll never respond, and I will not write again) – and you know what, it’s better this way. Unless he writes begging to see me and get back to me, I’d rather never hear from him again. This is something I knew intuitively, but thanks to you and what you write above, I know it for sure. So, thank you TravelBug for your wisdom again!
Hope you have a great day and a great new week.
TravelBug – Kudos to you for getting yourself out there, partying and meeting some new people! Good to hear there was no drunk texting the ex!
NC Day 12:
I haven’t had any need to come here the last few days. I’m flirting with this guy I met in Germany via texting. I guess we are just two lonely people looking for attention. He does have a girlfriend however, but they are going through trouble. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.
I went on a date with this one guy that seemed promising! I do feel like I’m not ready for a relationship though, or be tied down. If I do anything, I know it’ll be a rebound but I don’t know how long I can stall. I guess don’t worry about it and just go out and have fun right?
I don’t wake up hurt anymore. Even though I’m missing him a little today. But I guess that’s normal. I still think about him, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. I feel like the nc is helping tremendously with that.
I feel like I’ve moved on, maybe not completely, but I’m in a great emotional place in my mind and in my heart. I accept that we may never get back together, but it’s ok. It is what it is. I’m sure by now he has received his key back. All transactions are done. There are no reasons for us to talk anymore, and I like that. It feels resolved.
I guess I’m in NC forever. I don’t know what I’ll tell him if and when he contacts me. I guess I’ll think about it when that happens and check with you guys.
Until then, I’m just living my life and enjoying it. No point wasting my time over someone who doesn’t want me, no matter what the reason is. Life is still good and worth living and cherishing every moment of it!
travelbug- everything you say sounds great and positive. just be careful with our emotions. 12 days of NC is not so long. i know this b/u is not 12 days fresh but still take it slow. but it does get easier and each person is different in how they handle it.
also be smart with both of these guys. one is seeing someone and could be just looking for an escape from his relationship (temp or perm escape). The other guy is totally up to you and how you feel, but you should be honest with him and yourself.
Hope you’re doing well TravelBug. Thank you again for all your good advice and wisdom. I hope you remain in your “good emotional space” and keep your NC forever. I hope I can manage to do the same. You’re absolutely right that there’s no point in wasting your time and life waiting for someone who doesn’t want you (or me), and that’s the right attitude to have. I’ve been trying to be as good and strong and positive as you.
Hi SM and all of you broken hearted people, I am on Day 15. This is the longest I’ve gone without talking to him since met. I must say I missed him a little today, but I haven’t cried for him or felt hurt in a while. I still feel a bit angry sometimes and want to tell him to fuck off if he ever contacts me, but in reality I’ll probably be more reserved and cordial when and if he contacts me again.
His birthday is in two days, but I’m going to keep my nc through it. I already wished him ahead of time, so I won’t feel bad. I’m doing nc as long as he does.
I’ve been talking to this guy in Germany. We met on a flight, and it’s been really exciting. I’m still in love with my ex, but we’ve been talking and it’s kept me distracted. He’s the first person I found whom I felt a connection with. I wish he lived near! We are kind of having a long distance/emotional affair but it’s not real because we have never been involved physically. But it’s wonderful to have someone to talk to, flirt with.
All in all, I’m doing great. Thanks for checking!
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