-
Posts
-
NC Day 3:
I had a great night last night with a co-worker and a friend in NY. I laughed, giggled, got drunk and just had a great time. Unfortunately, I get sad and a little depressed after a night of drinking.
I am dreading receiving my things from him in the mail. I’ll receive it tomorrow I think.
It’s hard to let go of someone when you know they still love you. I know he loves me is hurting just like me, but he’s not capable of being with me right now. I feel like it would have been easier if he was an asshole, but he’s not. He always picks up when I call and I know he will now too if I called. But I’m not going to. He said he’ll give me time to heal before he contacts me again, I wish it was soon. But I know if he contacts me, I’ll feel my mind up with “hope” and not move on.
I just can’t let go of him. I’m going to hold on to this love I have for him and make myself better. I want to be the best I can be, for me, and for him. I want him to come to me. It might take time, but I think it’s possible to love him still and not feel the hurt anymore. I’m going to concentrate on that, lessening my pain for now.
It’s getting better!
It can mean that, but it doesn’t have to mean that. The only problem with staying in love with someone is that you can’t fall in love with someone else. I feel like that is the problem with my ex. She was still in love with her ex even though they had been apart for 3 years, and it doesn’t look like they will be getting back together anytime soon. But she still talks to her every couple of months or so. They are still connected. In the end, while I think she was attracted to me and really liked me, I don’t think she could get over the final hurdle of falling in love with me because in someone’s emotional hierarchy there can only be one person at the top.
I heard Mike Tyson’s ex wife say in an interview that she was still in love with Mike Tyson, but she could no longer be with him because he was abusive. So she just had to love him from afar. I do think she went on to marry another person, but I could be wrong about that.
In the end, I am not really sure. I really fell in love with T. And I am hopeful that if she can figure out whatever she needs to figure out that it could work out in the future, but at the same time, if she feels that strongly about someone that she isn’t over them in 3 years, then I wish it would work out for her too.
I know a little about her ex, and I think I am a “better” choice. I am pretty, smart, educated, funny, and available. Her ex is married.
I think the best thing you can do is just feel whatever you feel. Just because you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be in a relationship with that person, even though it is very painful to not be.
Yes, I’m trying to just take it one day at a time and try to be happier, lighter each day. I believe things really are getting better for me, but I take steps back sometimes. I know I’m not going to fall in love while I’m still in love with my ex, but I don’t want to fall in love anyone right now. I’m moving next summer and would like to be single until then.
The thing is, if our exes want us, they know where we are. We can’t do anything to change their mind. Specially, our exes, who are confused about who they love.
Like you said, I’m going to love him from afar and keep my distance with him and hopefully, eventually, I’ll know what to do.
Thanks for your kind words.
No my friend. That is not what it means. It just means that you have accepted the fact that you are not getting back together and are doing what is best for you: moving on 🙂
NC Day 4:
Yesterday, by the time I went to sleep, I was doing soooo well. I thought surely that I won’t wake up with the emptiness I feel in my stomach that wakes me up every morning. But unfortunately this morning is no different. But I’m still hopeful that things will improve as the day goes by. They always do.
I talked to someone yesterday who was in the situation as my ex, and he told me not to talk to him at all. He said, it’ll only increase his confusion.
I am thinking I want to do nc till the end of the year if he doesn’t contact me. But I think he’ll message me before that. I wonder what he’s thinking? Whether he’s also moving on? I wonder if he’s doing better than me now that I gave him an ego boost by letting him know that I was having a hard time with the breakup?
Travel- check out Corey Wayne. He’s kind of a man’s man- “hangout, have fun, hookup” is one of his fav mottos, but he has some advice on having s positive outlook, high self-esteem, and making your ex chase you.
Free youtube videos and there’s advice on his website. Although I wouldn’t bother spending the money to email or call him. I did the email thing and got a generic response. But its totally up to you.
Found this article and really liked the positive outlook. Enjoy!
NC Day 5:
I received my things in the mail yesterday. I was dreading this for a long time. I cried a bit, but put everything away as quickly as I could to be done with it. Sending him his key, and a blank check for shipping (as the box didn’t say how much it was). He asked me not to pay for shipping, and didn’t ask for his key back, but it’s more me being proud and letting him think that I don’t want to hang on to his key and I don’t need him to pay for the shipping. What do you guys think? I was the one who asked for my things back first.
Still can’t sleep in in the mornings…urghhh, so frustrating, but I’m getting stronger everyday. I feel fine without him now, more at peace. Not wanting, waiting for him to contact me anymore. It is such a great feeling…
TravelBug, I’ve been following along with you and reading your notes, and just want to say that your writing is a huge comfort to me, and your determination to be better and stronger is an inspiration to me, in my own heartache. I’ll keep reading, and I hope you’ll feel better and better.
I’m sort of in the same boat. I was proud of myself for maintaining NC for two months; I did everything Kevin suggests we do; then finally wrote a light, casual email to my ex – whom I still love with all my heart – ten days ago. He never responded. I also sent a postcard from the city where I am in now. (I moved overseas after our breakup). He didn’t acknowledge it. Like you, I have to accept that he’s not coming back, and like you, I want to be strong and move on. I adore him and think of him (like you, in the mornings) but I’ve always been a very independent person and I’ve never needed anyone – certainly not him – to make me feel happy or complete. Thank you for your honesty here, and keep writing. I hope it helps you to know that there are others in “the same boat”, who are taking solace and encouragement from you.Hi SM,
Thank you for your kind words. Truly appreciated and is a bonus that it helped you feel a little bit better. I’ve been writing a lot here, as well as in my journal. Writing has helped me a lot through this process.
As more time is passing, I’m realizing that my happiness only depends on me. I’ve been doing yoga and meditation, which has been helping a lot. I talk to my friends about it, who are such wonderful people for listening to me cry and talk about the breakup for over a month now. And yes, each day it gets better. It has to! It will for you too SM! It’s ok to still love your ex, don’t force yourself to do anything or feel any certain way, time will fix everything.
TravelBug your posts really do help me, and make me realize that I’m not alone. I’m still heart broken over a breakup that happened over six months ago – six months! – and I’m mad at myself for letting it/him destroy me and my peace of mind for so long. Over half a year. It’s just too stupid. We werent even together that long but, god, how I loved him, and how good I felt when I was with him. It’s just so hard to accept that he didn’t ever love me – I’m sure of that now – and doesn’t miss me at all. It’s shattering. I wish I hadn’t reached out to him after keeping NC for two months. I hope you won’t reach out to to your ex either, not even after two months. I know you’re early in your NC stage, but I hope you’ll keep it up – way beyond the prescribed 30 days – and I hope you get stronger and better and happier every day. You will keep being an inspiration to me.
If you can do it then I can too. I hope. It’s just too terrible to lose so much of one’s self to someone else’s indifference.I agree. I’m doing nc forever if he never contacts me. I have already lost my dignity to him during our last talk when I revealed how I was still heartbroken after a month, I don’t want to lose anything else to him. I ain’t give him the satisfaction.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with breakups, don’t be so hard on yourself for not being able to let go after 6 months. It’s ok, but I suggest that you start to move on with your life now instead of holding on to the hope that you’ll get back work him. No one knows what’s in the future, but you can’t put your life on hold for him. It’s ok to move on, just because you move on doesn’t mean that you don’t feel the same when he comes back. You are trying to hold on to the feeling of when you guys were together, that part is dead. If you guys were to get back together, it’ll be a new relationship. Not the old one you are clutching on so tightly. Let go…its ok to let go. You will survive.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.