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Yeah we went to Mexico, Cyprus, Turkey and all over California cuz that’s where we lived (he still does, I left). We had an awesome bday picnic for him in Santa Cruz when we first started dating, it was really quite nice. He used to tell me it was the best bday he ever had. And now he’s got someone else to celebrate his bdays with. Life is funny, ain’t it?
It doesn’t hurt to say happy bday. Nothing wrong with being polite. Just don’t write him a long diatribe, “Happy birthday” is enough.Oh so nice really . Very cool that you guys have traveled.We live here too California .
And you said it was 1,5 years ago ? He is dating come one now ?
If you not mind me to ask , where do you live now ?Yeah I figured you live in California since you go skiing in Tahoe (something we were planning too but didn’t go in the end!).
We met in 2013 and dated for a little over a year. I’m back in my home country now, we broke up 6 months after I came back. Long distance just made it so much more complicated.
Last time I spoke with him was 8 months ago and he told me he was dating someone. I don’t know if they’re still together. Last week he really surprised me cuz he sent me a nice message (let’s reconnect, let’s be better to each other, I hope you’re doing good blah blah). No word for 8 months and then this… I don’t think there’s any chance for us of course, I’m too far away, it’s been too long but he’s still on my mind a lot. I’ve made great progress in these 8 months and I’m truly focused on my future now. But he brought up some old memories when he wrote to me and I’ve been a bit blue these days.I sorry to hear .?
It’seems like you ex still thinking about you .I don’t think he in relationship now , that’s why he wrote you .
Even if he is . Not fact his next relationship will work . Not fact .
Our exes both immature like you said before and it’s sad . They don’t understand still by age 36 and 41 that as long as person love you and care about you and ready for changes it is big deal . They both looking for perfect . And not as many perfect there are .They are also not perfect .
I am 33 in a few month and I cant wait for him forever . I need to figure my future. If even he will decide come back in a year or two , I can’t wait for him.? I am pretty sure he will not come back never. Because He is move on fast .
Life is not at a standstill.
I have to move forward . And build life and new relationship.
Now , I even didn’t want to think about stay with other man , or date some one . I still have strong feeling to my ex , I don’t know how long it’s going to be like is .?I’m turning 31 in 2 weeks. I absolutely agree with you that it’s very hard to find someone who will truly love you and you need to hold on to such people. And of course we made mistakes and we’re not perfect. I wasn’t fully honest with my ex and did some things I’m not proud of, I agree. But these are all things that you can work on if you want. Some things are really beyond repair: cheating, loss of a child, drugs, domestic abuse. That’s serious shit. But everything else is just really small stuff that you can work on if you truly love someone. I really believe in that and I’m sure you do too. The problem is that we’re not on the same page with our exes about it. They either don’t love us enough or are just too lazy and foolish to work on good, solid relationships. Either way for us means we need to move on.
I don’t know what’s the deal with my ex now and frankly I don’t wanna know. The less I know the better. I don’t need information about his life, what use do I have for it? You’re right, there’s no guarantee his relationship will work out. But I’m not going to wait to find out. I still have feelings for him and if he wanted to give it another try I would but I don’t want him to think that I’m always available for him. That’s why I cut him out of my life to show him that he really lost me.I don’t want to know too . I was working in this relationship hard , and for that relationship I worked hard .I worry about what if my ex will just now meet somebody and get marry within 3 month. That’s happened all the time unfortunatly. Very good frind of mine she just had that . She was dated a guy 7 years !She stared date him when he was 26 or so . He was inmuture , not very responsible , very younge , not very seriouse .And my gilfriend made him basically . It’s took her long time like 3/4 years before he in general stared tell about her like – it’s my gilfriend and my fiancé . He was moving bake and force with her to his ex gilfriend he been with 5 year! He first didn’t wanted anything , marry , kids, relationship . . But then something still went wrong and didn’t got married . They broke up when she was 33 years old last year and and him too . And then he stated almost next day date a girl for two weeks , then other , then other . And almost 6 month of dating short term with 5-10 different girls. 2-4 weeks each of them . And then he stared date one other girl and in 2 month he proposals this girl .Can you Believe ? ?My gilfriend in shock .
In our cases also there is cultural difference. It’s also can be a problem. Not a all guys want date foreigner woman .First they are very exited try somethings new. And after they usually get disappointed.?
Well, that kind of happened to me too in college. And it happens all the time. When a man says he’s nor ready for kids, marriage etc. read “I’m not ready for that with you”. But it doesn’t mean he won’t do it with someone else. My ex was like that too: he didn’t start calling me his gf right away even thou we were serious and exclusive. And it really upset me but he told me he needed time, he’s not used to that etc. Eventually he started calling me his gf but it took a while. And marriage was a taboo subject for us because he thought it was too soon, how can we know blah blah. We got in a huge fight about that cuz he thought i was pushing him and wanted to get married so I could stay and didn’t have to leave the country. I did want to marry him but only because I really loved him, I swear! In retrospect I understand it must have looked suspicious to him but I explained it, I apologized and said I didn’t want to put pressure on him and everything. I asked my parents not to push and pressure him when he met them. But the damage was done, he kept thinking I had a hidden agenda. And he even told me “How do I know you really love me?” These things are so hard to get right, you really never know:( You can live with a man for 10 years and then he can go marry someone else in 6 months. So I wish I could tell you that our exes won’t do that but how do we know? But that’s why I say I don’t want to know. I don’t want to torture myself thinking about it. And you shouldn’t either! What is meant to be will be, worrying about it won’t help or stop it.
I can write a book about cultural differences! My story is this: my ex and I are both not American (he’s a naturalized citizen). At first, we bonded over that. We both love the US but we were born and raised elsewhere so that was a common ground for us to begin with. Moreover I’m well familiar with his native culture as I’ve spent considerable time living in that region (my dad can even speak his mother tongue!). So I’m pretty open-minded and ready for those “cultural differences” and to challenge them. But the problem is his family is extremely conservative and was opposed to the idea of us dating when he told them (they never even met me!) I suspect he didn’t tell me everything but basically they told him they will be extremely disappointed if he brings home “a Western whore”. They think we are all whores! I mean I’m sorry but they can’t just make such a blanket statement, they don’t even know me! So of course I was really upset and hurt when he told me this, but said “Baby, don’t worry, I know I can win your parents over, I know what they expect of me, we can work on this blah blah.” Never once did I tell him: “You’re a grown man, make your own decisions!” Because I know that is not how it works in his culture. That’s not even how it works for me, my family is also quite strict and traditional. But I think his family got into his head cuz he changed after he went to visit them and they told him all these horrible things. We started fighting, he kept getting jealous about my past, wanted to know how many other men I’ve had before him, blah blah. Eventually he accused me of lying to him because I didn’t tell him about ALL my previous bfs and he told my friend that I was “too Westernized” for him. Wtf does that even mean? That I’ve had sex with other men and didn’t tell you all about it? I was shocked. I said: ” You knew this about me, you knew your family won’t like me and you will have a problem with my past, you knew we had all these differences (religious, linguistic etc.) – why did you waste my time and your time?” He said: “I thought it would be ok but it’s not”. So it’s like you said: he was excited to try something new but then realized it was too much for him. So I was just an experiment for him:(
I do understand you so much !
I was having with my ex same problems .Wow !
When I stared date him I was 31, and he was 40 .I tald him on a first date that I am looking for serious relationship and if it works then marriage .
It’s a long story . Long story short he was ok with this idea . He , took me to San Diego to introduce to his mom . He did considered me fiancé . He was in my home county too late summer . .He was saing that he wants kids .
What’s what is was saing. I don already know that is true what is not.
Then after Tahoe we got in first very big fight about that . He said I am pressuring him with marriage , and kids . It was the “first call”Then he completely stared changing . Day by day. It’s similar with your situation . I have USA documents and he didn’t worryed about that part . But …
He has his fear about money ?. He is from wealthy family , only son .He so much worried about his money .He had fear I dated with him because of that. I really don’t know that is in his head. Last time I met him he said he dont want to be married and don’t won’t kids it all. Like child free . It’s was not a deal when we just met. Before he was positive he wants . ?I guess he doesn’t wants with me .
Yes , girl , I so understand you . I really believe it was truthful love for you . I can see that . I can read even here and feel . But a lot of Americans so worry about documents issue . ? You know . Its very complicated topic.
I know how is here, it’s hart .
But I think if you really love some one it’s not going to be an issue .You not the only one here . There is more , here I am ! Same thing about trying something new . I was reading you and I was in shock how similar my ex told me And I was always same person . From the first to last date . And he told me same ; well , I thought you will change .Well I thought I could handle you . But I guess I am not , now I think I can’t !?
Cool . Thanks for wasted my year!
Fucked my brain for other month , gave me a hope that we couple again, and then said we are not. I don’t understand anything in this world anymore .
Is your boyfriend was born in Europe too?
I guess his parents had very big influence on him .
And he got really confused .
Well will see , real love won’t disappear fast. Time will show .
I go to club now . Because I am so bored, I just try to fill the void . I am not got used being single .
You have a good weekends too!?No he was born in Iraq, hence the ultra conservative family. You know he totally lied to me and told me his family doesn’t influence him, he’s an adult, he’s gonna choose his own wife blah blah. Yeah right.
There is a great Turkish proverb: What you fear will happen to you. If these guys are so scared that women will use them for money or a green card, that’s exactly what will happen to them. Just you wait and see. Karma is a bitch! I’m an only child too, I love my family and my country, I don’t need his citizenship, his house, his car, none of that. I just wanted to be with him, even if it meant moving to Iraq. Why do we have to prove ourselves just because we’re not equal in status to them? You don’t have to prove you’re not a gold digger and I don’t have to prove I don’t care about a green card. This is humiliating and I refuse to do that. God knows I loved that guy with all my heart and to me that’s enough proof.
Have fun lady! I’m getting my nails done and planning another trip. Take it from me, life gets better. The first 6 months I wanted to die, cried myself to sleep every night. You should see me now, I’m kicking ass:) And you will too!Omg, my ex just wrote me again! The second time in a week he initiated a conversation! He told me: “I just wanted to say hello”, “How are things?”, “Don’t be a stranger”. I am in shock! I’m being very distant and cold for now, really want him to think I don’t care. I’m basically acting the same way he acted with me after our break up. Sweet revenge:)
I think you may be right, he broke up with his gf and remembered me again. But until when? Until he meets someone else? I don’t want him to remember me only when he’s bored and not dating anyone. Arrghh I’m so confused now!Sorry girl. I sure it’s nice to hear from him again ! But yes , the question is till when ? Let’s not jump into conclusions . Let’s see . Let’s see what’s will going on.
My story finished tragically.?
So 9 days ago about, I did wrote him sms; “Hello , what’s going on there with you? Let’s talk and finish the story today.”
He called me in 2-3 hours and said ;”let’s meet and talk. ”
We met at the bar ,he came and he said ; Karina ,I will tell you something you will really not like. I dated woman all week.?
I said ; ” let me guess where you met her ? At the party you been without me ? Yes? ”
He said – yes. ?
Then he said that it was just a 3 dated and he didn’t had sex with her .Just the kiss.? And then he said that he just broke up with her now . And said her like he don’t want date her -sorry .And just left her.
So we stared talking , and he said “yes , you are right love don’t dissapear in one month “.And we talked and talked about all things . And he said like he wants to be with me but worry about his friends , what whey will say about last girl , and what whey will say about us. Because we already broke up.?
I just tald him that is crazy in 41 years old think about that.
And said that ,I am sure your the best friend and his gilfriend also had some problems , I positive . He said yes. And you are right .They been broke up for a while .
So did talked about till 2 am and then , we went to his home and had sex. He tald me that he missed me and yes love don’t dissapear fast. And that he missed my food and I am look more confident with myself and bla bla bla.
Then we started “dating”again.
He was sms me about something at the morning . He invited me have lunch with him. We had some shopping together ,we went to the gym together other day .So we dated one week , I seen him 4 times total . And all seemed pretty good. His mom and his friends keep sending me hello . Like before , when we dated. He texed me .All seemed well.
Then he left visit his mom for one day to other city and came back on Thursday. He asked me out .I came after work and here what’s started. I picked him up and we went to bar. He looked mad, not happy and rude. He stared raise the voice at me. Talking to me rude and disrespectful. Example ; He moved to other side of bar without even me and didn’t told me . And I had to follow him . He said I am deaf. He looked at me like I am insect. Then we decided leave the bar and go to other .In other bar he got really angry at me , stared basically insult me . He was keep saing again that I am deaf, I don’t speak and don’t understand English. I don’t hear him. My face is not happy ,like I look miserable. He is disappointed with me . He said he never noticed that I am like that .? So as longer we been sitting at the bar as angry he been with me and more rude.
I was desperately trying to establish the evening. I begged him not to be so cold and rude with me . I said ;”what’s going on , let’s talk . Please Explain why do you treat me like that ?”???I was calm and very sad.
Then I realized, that he has no love to me in his hart anymore . He probably dates this girl he met at the party . And he likes her . And he just looking for the reason fight with me .I realized he lies me. He probably keep dating her and he just tald me lie story like he stopped .
So he been keeping telling me how bad I am and how much he dislike about me . And I already don’t remember what exactly he said next , I swam in front of my eyes and my head already not pondered clear. All that I remember I give a slap his face said ; fuck you !!! And I left . ?????
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