Hanging out with my ex tomorrow (I need a guys advice and girls too)

Also, @LAbound or @confused_girl, orrr whomever… I’d appreciate some advice too!

I saw my ex last night! We went out for dinner, which went really well, I think. He told me I looked beautiful, and I was confident and I think charming? Haha. I briefly mentioned the guy i’ve been casually seeing, and he definitely seemed a bit sad… but he also spoke about his attempted (and failed) dating experiences.

After dinner we chatted at his place for about an hour, and then watched a show. Right before the show, he tried to make a move. I said no, because the day before he had told me we should just be friends, that he didn’t want to lead me on. So then we watched the show, which was an hour long…

After the show, he left the room to grab the phone and when he returned he pushed me onto the bed, said he wanted to see me naked… I said no no, and he stopped. But then I was dumb and said, “maybe just a hug?” hahah. MISTAKE! We hugged, and it felt so good. I said “I would have had sex with you if you hadn’t told me you were afraid things would get messy.” and “Will you feel guilty if we have sex?” And he said “I don’t know. Maybe not” … The day before he had said he’d feel guilty because he wasn’t ready to commit.
Anyway, I knew it was bad, as I know he’s mostly just horny since he hasn’t slept with anyone in three months… but neither had I, and I missed him. Sooo things escalated and we had sex. Twice. It was amazing, and I know he felt the same way. We kissed lots and he looked me in the eyes lots… though it wasn’t quite as good as when we were in love, I didn’t feel quiteee as connected with him last night. Buttt it was still mind blowing!
Though, I was dumb and after said something like “well, that was probably too soon” and he laughed and said yeah, we’re children. Can’t keep it in our pants…” and he said let’s just enjoy this moment and not worry. I think I asked if he felt bad and he said “not if you don’t expect anything”… and I think I mumbled something like I knew it was just sex… though I know he has feelings too… I don’t even know what I said, ugh. I was so nervous and feeling emotional and a little tipsy… He was like “you’re already doing it, stoppp!” Haha. And then we proceeded to have sex again. And it was somehow better the second time.

I slept over, but we didn’t cuddle like we used to 🙁 he must have been afraid of leading me on… while dating, we’d cuddle while falling asleep, but we didn’t last night. Though he briefly cuddled up to me during the night.

In the morning, he got up to shower for work and I decided to get changed and ready to go while he was doing that. I went downstairs to grab my shoes and came up to find him back in the room, and as I grabbed my purse off the bed he grabbed my bum, haha…I said I was late, and he asked for what… told him I was meeting my grandma to have a knitting session, haha, and he said that was really cute. He went to get his shirt on, and i walked to the door and said thanks for the dinner annnnd other things! So no hug, or kiss bye. It was kinda weird, but not.

I know it was WAY too soon for sex, and am feeling bad about it because I may have messed up all of my progress. I’m worried he’ll say we shouldn’t hang out again because we can’t resist each other, and don’t know how to be friends.

My question: should I tell him I enjoyed myself, but think we should go back to being friends? And say now that I got it out of my system, I’ll be able to resist sex. Orrrr should I just reiterate that i’m happy going with the flow, and am not worried with what happens?
Tomorrow or the next day i was going to ask if he wanted to watch another episode of the show, so I could always see what he says then? I really don’t know what to do!

I would like to continue sleeping with him and just hanging out, having fun, if I knew he had strong feelings for me. But I know he’s still on dating websites, so he’s obviously trying to meet other girls still…
In an email a few weeks ago, he told me he appreciated our relationship, but needed time to work on being happy with himself. I have no idea how much time he needs. It was pretty vague… and I believe he’s pretty confused with his feelings. As he was flirting with me for two weeks and lying about the dating websites, but then came clean and also told me we should just be friends… so I’m not sure if he’ll ever want to date me again, and I don’t think he knows either. That’s what i’m guessing, anyway.

So even if he does have feelings for me (I’m sure he does- like I said, I think he’s just not ready and doesn’t know when he will be), how long am I supposed to have a casual relationship with him? I’m assuming he’ll start to feel guilty if he meets girls, and then he’ll break it off with me. I don’t want to sleep with him until he meets someone! I don’t want that to happen, so that’s why I’m thinking I should tell him we should be friends only.

Someone help me please!!!

Yeah i’d suggest resisting sex until you know for sure how he feels…

For me, I know he would NEVER use me. That’s just not him. He knows how I feel about him and would never use me. Yes, I know he is horny and missing sex, but he wouldn’t do it if he had zero feelings for me. We were way too close and in love for him to do that. I’m just worried because I know he’s not ready to date again, and don’t know if he will be ready in a few weeks, a few months, a year… yah know?

Do you think I should tell him I had fun, but think we should go back to being friends?

Our relationship was the same. And our break up was surprising, as he was extremely affectionate and loving throughout our entire relationship.
It is so hard to be without it now, I understand where you’re coming from.

It is confusing, isn’t it? They seem to contradict themselves… flirting, being kind, etc… then they’ll be cold or change their mind. Ugh.

Yes, of course I have romantic feelings for him! It’s so hard not to jump his bones, hence why I did last night. Resisting him is difficult. But I will have to be stronger if I’m to do the false friendship… I was thinking I could do the false friendship with sex and see how things go like that, but i’d be taking a huge risk.

It’s probably smarter to just be friends and see how things develop, if he comes on to me again I will just turn him down and say, I would, but only if I knew how you felt about me. If I knew it wasn’t just sex… ahhh I really don’t know.

I love him and we’re so close to one another. It felt so good to see him! I don’t want to lose this.

@confused_girl I was the same. I got very depressed and pushed him away at the end. And he’s dealing with not being happy with himself, and took it out on us… he thought because our passion faded a bit, that meant I wasn’t the one for him. He since admitted he doesn’t feel that way anymore, but that he still thinks we should be broken up because he needs to work on being happy with who is he. and figure out himself. He said he was done with dating, but I know he’s still on dating websites every day, as I am too and see him online. And last night he admitted he saw a girl a few weeks ago. Soooo I’m wondering if his email was bullshit.. like, yes, appreciates us, I believe that. But I think his excuse to stay broken up might be false, and he is just scared about committing to me again and isn’t ready to give up dating new people. I think this is because he’ll feel like if we date again, that means we’ll be together forever… as we’ve known each other for 14 years. So he’s afraid.

Blah. This sucks you guys. THIS SUCKS!

Also, @LAbound, how’s NC going for you?

@Confused_girl, I feel the same way, hence why I’m trying to get my ex back, haha. I thought he felt the same way too, as we spoke of marriage and kids and we lived together. We had future plans to travel together, and we already went on vacations together last year. We went to Mexico with some friends and had an amazing time, and also to a fancy resort a few towns away. This is gross to talk about, lol, but he farts a lot, and once when we both did at the same time, he was like “just think, when we’re old together, instead of farting, we’ll be peeing on each other from loss of bladder control!” hahaha. And I thought that was sweet because he was thinking of us being old together.

He also introduced me to his family/friends as his bestfriend/partner in crime for life… he explained how we dated in high school and were friends for years, and just couldn’t stay away from each other.

He told me how proud he was to call me his girlfriend. And he told me he loved me more than himself. When I was pushing him away near the end of our relationship, I was insecure about him meeting someone better than me… he told me that he’d never want to leave me unless I were to drastically change into someone else.

A month before we broke up, he told me. “I”m so excited for my brother to move out so we can start a real future together. I love you so much”… and when we were at a bar, he looked around and then looked at me, told me he was so happy he was with me, with someone he’s known forever. Blah.

I wish I could meet you and @LAbound, and people like you guys in person. There should be a support group for heartbreak, hahaaaaa.