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LAbound the last post you put, I think is possibly how my ex feels about me right now. How your ex was to you is how I was with him. So I want to ask you, being as your ex and I are same same here. What would you want her to do or not do or say or not say, in order for you to take her back?
Sorry, I was asking you @LAbound. Did you just do 1 round of nc? Sorry for the confusion
We were together for almost 9yrs.
As far as NC goes, I’ve been NC for over a month now.
Before I was only doing NC in two weeks periods because I would give in to my ex. She would show a lot of interest, sleep on the phone with me, call me the usual pet names, and then would withdrawal within a four day period. (I’m guessing because she’d have interest in someone else.) After so many contradicting statements, and mixed signals, I decided to ask her to date me. She said no because she was already becoming exclusive with someone else and needed to see where it would go.Well, at that point.. I said bye. She believes I will give in sooner or later, so by me staying out of her life and sticking to NC..it will show her I will not easily come back.
It gets easier. I still have emotional days 8 months after the initial breakup, but I am definitely in a better state of mind. We tried reconciling, it didn’t last. She acted like she wanted me all the way up till the day I left, but I knew her heart wasn’t 100% in it because she feels like she might miss another route to happiness. All I can do is give her that opportunity.
I don’t know if she will get back together with me. I just hope to get to the point where it won’t hurt if we never do reconcile. I’m almost there.
@LAbound you really are an inspiration. at times my break up feels so daunting and overwhelming and i get lost in a fear that the misery will last forever. to read this thread with so much positivity and strength gives me hope for myself too. i am personally torn about whether i want my ex back or not, the break up is still new and i’m pretty much all over the crazy map right now. when i feel so sad it’s hard for me to focus on bettering myself, but i’m definitely motivated to try after seeing how it has helped others on this forum. stay strong!
I would want her to slow down and take time out for real reflection instead of masking it with relationships and partying. Id want her to show real change in herself.
Id want her to be genuine. And Id want her to acknowledge and treat me as if I have changed. Because I have. She still views me as the same as when she broke it off. Which is mainly my fault because of how I acted after the breakup.
Id want her to mature and be able to show she has gained enlightenment.
She would have to be able to communicate like an adult.
Otherwise…theres no way id ever want her back. I love her.. and can dream.. but she has growing to do.
@ms.n.u
First.. your forum name is cute. Haha
I will read your posts when I get the chance, but it will get easier. I truly believe we never really get over a profound love. We just learn to live and be happy without it.
It’s natural to be all over the place right after a break up. So many emotions and thoughts take over and crash into each other. We are left in complete chaos. But it does get better. What helps is if you steer the majority of your focus away from the breakup. Concentrating on it only keeps us damaged and idle. When we are damaged and idle, we are only punishing ourselves. We keep ourselves from happiness and so many great opportunities to attract others. Even our exes!
So that’s what I did after the last time my ex decided she needed to “do her” and “pursue happibess”. I set out to gain control of my life and regain power. I am doing it by completing my education, a lot of exercise because it increases happiness and confidence, I do my best with using Law of Attraction, I stay around positive people, and I set goals. Which is a great way to stay focused on yourself. No matter how big or small the goal…whether long term or short term.. set the goals and go for it.
There are a bunch of goals I want to achieve before initiating anything with my ex. And it isn’t because I have to prove to her that Im different or because I want her back. Its so I have proven to myself I only need myself to be happy and fulfilled. And because I will be unbreakable at that point. I will have found myself and nothing can get in my way.. unless it’s myself. Lol
@LAbound, you continue to inspire me! I’m feeling very set back over the last couple of days because my ex first told me after the break up he wanted some time to just be single, but now he has told me he really needs to date and get to know other girls if I’m the one for him. the thought of him actually dating and having feelings for other girls makes me absolutely sick. i could handle it when i thought he was having meaningless one night stands but now that i know he’s looking for more i completely set back to square one. your posts motivated me a little bit. doing my best to get back on track. the road ahead of me is very long
@atea
You, at least on these boards, seem like such a strong woman. Im confident youll get passed this. It will be a long and rough road. But we are here to help you.
And I know what you mean. When I knew my ex was out looking for dates.. I wasnt as bothered as when I found out she was in a more serious relationship with this new guy. I still firmly believe this guy is to keep her company and for her to feel less alone. But then again.. who knows.
We have this by the reigns. Time to get ourselves moving forward!
@LAbound, i am trying to be strong. some days i feel like I’m on top of the world and others feel like i don’t want to get out of bed. the emotional roller coaster is exhausting! as much as i hate nc, breaking it makes me feel much worse every time. i have set myself another 90 day goal – really determined to try to make it this time! you’re right about it being a long and tough road – either to reconciling or moving on. i can’t see either happening in the foreseeable future. I’m 4 months post break up and can’t imagine reconciling anytime soon. he seems to be moving on actually. initially he seemed kind of torn, wanted to talk, meet up. now he seems pretty confident he wants to date others. he still talks about reconciling possibly in the future often but the truth is i think he is just as confused 4 months later as he was on day 1. nothing i can do will make him come back. he will need to decide on his own if he prefers his relationship with me over other girls.
i believe your ex is also using this guy to keep her company. it seems she doesnt like to be alone and she probably doesnt want to deal with all the post breakup emotions. she clearly is not over your relationship by the way she speaks to you. i really don’t think it will last. when you have as much history as we have with our exes there is a lot of love there and i do think its hard to replicate or beat. you seem to be in a really good place!!! any plans for your next move?I think you have a good head about the entire situation. And even on month 8 , I have down days. Not as bad as before.. but they still happen. It’s part of healing. Keep that chin up and that mind focused.
Im currently just concentrating on my education and goals. I have no next step right now concerning my ex. It’s about me right now.
good for you! i need to start setting more goals for myself. I’m in the middle of getting my master’s (i graduate may of 2016), so for the foreseeable future, my goal is to really study hard and do well there. I’ve always been crazy into exercising so have been keeping that up as well. i try to read self help books and spend time with friends. i am even starting to date a little. i think setting short term and long term goals for myself will be helpful. i need to start focusing more on me than on my ex.
See… you’re doing fine. It’s all a process. You’ve got a great and happy life in the making!
@LAbound, I’m really hoping your ex gets to see all the positive changes you made! either you get back together or she wants you back but you’ve moved on too much. she would probably be so proud to see all the progress you’ve made!
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