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Take it from someone who knows. She is definitely keeping your stuff as a reason to contact you. You know that I’ve been putting off giving my ex his stuff back for many reasons but that’s one of them.
As for the talking to her. Don’t do it. It’s going to be one of the hardest things to do but don’t. It’ll make you a lot more desirable if you don’t meet her or talk to her. So 100% stay clear of that. Just keep the talk to a minimum and only about what is necessary. And definitely do not tell her that you’re moving to her city. If it’s meant to happen it will happen.
As much as I think that this website is really helpful to people and for some people the advice works. Sometime you just have to leave things to chance and if it’s meant to be it’ll be … And if it isn’t then it wont. No amount of games or talking will change the situation – it’s something which you both have to feel within yourselves and that will happen naturally.
My advice is definitely not going to be as good as yours, but I hope it helps!
Your advice is reassuring and keeps me in tune with the positive. @jean.
It is very much appreciated.
I wouldn’t tell her your moving back, not until your actually there anyways and in a opportune moment. Like maybe when picking up your stuff one time…
Your going to be in a mentally ‘fit’ state when you meet her! Your going to look brilliant because of all the lifts you’ll be doing… And also the healthy eating, regularly (lots of spinach! Trust me I’m a nutritionist) Have plenty of orange juice and top up that vit D!
You my friend are going to be irresistible! You have confronted the things which lead to the break up… You have worked on yourself and now know you do not want to be treat as a doormat, you also know the steps you and your lady need to take to get back to being in a loving relationship… Your going to be great. You need to keep this in mind over the next few weeks when you will be in a situation where it is really easy to contact, then meet with not much effort.
She is a lady at the end of the day (although you know her best and I may be wrong) but she may need to take things slow, for a while. Respect that. I REALLY want you to do well and get her back man! You have shown some really good emotional growth, personally and whilst growing for your lady, you are the man though and should initiate but respect wishes and emotion.
I wish you all the very best and I am eager to hear updates. 😀 Your on the right track though bro x
Well after the laptop business, I wont have anything else to pick up. But I know where she frequents and in about five months Ill make sure im seen by her.
It’s a tough battle to get to the point where I am at. So hang in there for those that are just starting on this journey.
You have to make time work for you.
I dont know if Ill ever get her back. My focus is on me. Her focus is also on me right now. Which is good. But patience is key and it is not the right time to see or speak to her. I have to wait if I want a real chance.
Will you post your nutrition suggestions in another post? I believe a good diet is imperative to staying mentally and physically fit. It could benefit the ones eating their feelings or not eating at all.
And thank you for the post.
My ex tried to call me. I didnt answer it. Haha. She really wants to see me. But it is not time.
The funny thing is that Ive let go for the most part. Focusing on myself has given me the upper hand. Question is, how long can I keep it? Will she continue to chase me?
I asked myself those questions today.
But I suppose that is directing the focus on her. And I shouldn’t do that. It is all falling into place. Im not saying I’m going to get her back. Instead, I’m saying im getting me back and there will be rewards. 🙂
Wow @LAbound I’m so proud of you!!!
Loved what you said last. I should think like that too, not aim to get him back but aim to get me back. As we both lots ourselves in our relationships and became doormats. It made me feel lots better just reading that! Thank you!
Welcome! 🙂 I hope you are well @Aphrodite
@LAbound, i am so happy for you!!! you were one of the first people to reach out and help me on this site and i am so grateful. even after the 3.5 months i have been here, you have been so much progress and have inspired! i also was a bit of a doormat at the end of my relationship. i feel like were on similar journeys to healing, but you’re a couple of months ahead of me, so its really inspiring for me to see all the progress you made, and how much better i can be in another 3.5 months. i really believe you have gone about this all in the right way and i do believe you will get your ex back – after getting yourself back! so happy for you 🙂
Need some backup.
So my ex gave me my stuff. She left it out and wasnt around like I wanted.
However she asked if I would like to get coffee with her. I said I have things to attend to but thanks for the offer.
She said okay. Have a nice day. I didnt respond.
She texted about forty min after that with “why do you have to be so distant?”
I replied “I told you what I wanted”
Her response was “It shouldn’t be like that!”
She just followed up with “but I respect your decision. I love you so much and miss you like crazy. And i look forward to the day when you are ready to talk to me and can share all the awesome things you are doing and will do. Xoxo”
I feel like she is trying to gain power back whether she knows it or not. And she obviously still believes deep down that we will be in each others lives. Annoying. Lol
Annoying! Yes! Geez.
I think you’re right on the money on that she’s wanting to get the power back whether she knows it or not. Telling you she loves you and misses you like crazy… That’s really stringing you along. I think you definitely should continue with what you have been doing until now, because it’s working. Now there’s no reason to contact her anymore and you will really be able to see what you want to do onwards. How are you feeling?
I am feeling a bit sad. I cried a bit but Im good now. I just keep refocusing on the goal. Getting me back and everything else will fall into place.
Even though my ex and I aren’t together, I feel physical aching in my heart and body when leaving where shes at. Its been like that since day one. I used to travel to see her. Leaving her left us both in tears and an emotional mess. That’s how I know I am still in love. Lol
I believe she really does miss me and loves me. That’s not me being naive, but I think she says it to keep me emotionally engaged. Not to give me hope of being together but to keep me soft.
Im rejecting her right now and its her way of softening me and then she will be in control. I just told her “take care” two hrs later. She’s probably pissed.
I think she caught gerself slipping. She said “It shouldnt be like that!” And then minutes later back it up with “I respect your decision”
Shes stubborn and used to doing whatever she wants and it being ok. News Flash!
Im relieved that there’s nothing else to tie me to her. I wasn’t tempted before but not having ties makes my move more real to her. It seems asshole-like but as Ive stated before. She truly believes she can do anything and Ill give in to it or forgive her right away. When I first told her that I will never see or speak to her again..she said “I dont accept that.” Lol o.O huh?
Im not trying to manipulate her. I just want her to understand im not a doormat.
@LAbound, it’s okay to feel scared. But here’s the thing, you’re in a better place right now. I bet she does still miss you. But we have to keep control. And no, you’re no doormat
I would like to say I’ve read a lot of your posts and I find you to be a strong, thoughtful dude. Honestly, you’re an inspiration, so take something from that man. Keep doing you.
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