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LAbound, if you are on that mindset, then I recommend you do what you want to do without ANY contact. Stalking her media accounts, talking to her for hours and listening to her plead will only make her hook you up while she is gonna do whatever she wants in the end. And your mental health will suffer going through it again.
Stick with a long NC. And don’t cave in. You can do it.
You’re right. Earlier, I answered a phone call from her. Later on, she called and ended the call abruptly..and I texted her about my sister and her communicating… and she hasn’t responded at all. So I am definitely going NC starting now. I feel like the last two interactions with her, she has reverted a bit back to how it was before. Very much into me for a while, great conversation, then doesn’t care to respond. So..I’m definitely saying fuck the mess she is. I am going to do me, and not pay attention to her or anything she says until I SEE changes. but that wont be for a while. Good luck to me, I suppose. lol
your ex is one of the most confusing i have seen! seriously good luck to you…this must be so emotional and confusing to handle
It’s not emotional in the sense that I am hurt or going to cry. I am frustrated. lol
Everything will be okay in the end. I’m not about to revert because she hasn’t changed completely yet. In due time, and if not… I’m going to be great no matter what.
Thank you for the words and just interacting with me. It helps.
glad to hear that. i totally understand your frustration but everything will work out how it is meant to. she is definitely behind you in making changes and thats for sure. you will come out of this stronger regardless. i agree. interacting helps me a lot. I’ve been feeling pretty sad overall lately and try not to burden my family and friends with this still so its nice to be able to come on here and vent
I’ve been going to the gym a lot, reading, focusing a lot on school and my homework, spending time with friends, watching tv shows, and I’ve actually even started seeing this really great guy casually. i feel like I’m doing everything i can to move on but my ex is always always on my mind and most mornings i feel like i still wake up with a pang of emptiness. he was my best friend and most important person in my life for 7 years and i just miss him as a person. did that happen to you at all?
@LAbound, hows everything going? any updates from the ex?
@LAbound, hows everything going? any updates from the ex?
She sent a really long fb message.. and then text that said she understands my need for space..and she is going to do whatever it takes to prove to me that we can be together..and that she has changed. She explained a lot, again. And she said that a fog lifted, that she stalked me on twitter where I was happy, cute and confident…saying funny things and uplifting things..and she said it made her see positive changes. She then said she’s changed too and looked at the guy she was dating and said to herself, “Me and **** have made all this progress and I’m wasting my progress on this guy who isn’t worth it. Who I don’t see myself with in the future.”
I am not giving in quickly. I told her that I don’t feel the same way about her. And I don’t. I’ve come to realize that although I do love her immensely, I am not as in love with her as before. I told her that we can form a friendship down the road, and see what happens but that I enjoy where my life is going and I won’t risk it for her or anyone else. She is really proud of me. I am the “boss” she used to see me as. A confident, happy person with ambition. She is different too, but I am so confused Atea. It seems so abrupt, and I dont want to dive right in because she’s done this before. She has been asking me to come home through text the last few days.
I don’t think NC is necessary right now, but I told her I want space from her..and that constantly speaking and talking of a future puts unwanted pressure on me so we can chit chat every once in a while.. but anything more is not what I want right now.
She seems to understand, and she said she will do what it takes. I am going to throw a test at her though. I am going to reply to just a few texts messages, and then go silent for about a day or so. I want to see what she’s going to do.
Oh yeah.. I told her even to be friends we need to go to therapy. She agreed, and now because I told her I don’t feel the same anymore.. she really wants me to go so I can try to rekindle those flames I used to have.
haha Life is crazy, Atea.
I’m really happy for you! mostly because i know you’ll be happy either way – whatever you decide and it will be your decision what is best for you moving forward. i think your example just goes to show that real, true love does come back. i don’t think your ex viewed you as a backup action. i think she actually tried to find connections elsewhere and it ended up that you were the one who made her happy all along. i can totally understand why you would be hesitant now and lost a lot of feelings and trust through all of it but you are on the road to happiness either way. I’m happy she is being understanding and respecting your space. i do think old flames can be rekindled but she has to earn it back. i don’t think nc is necessary either – youre still feeling out the whole situation.
life is crazy! would you have ever thought 2 months ago that this would be happening now? its really hard to predict how all of this unfolds. i can understand your confusion over all of this. you will always love her I’m sure but its so hard to know which direction to take in all of this. I’m glad she’s taking the time to really evaluate her future though. the two months of nc did wonders for you! I’m day 10 11 right now and holding it indefinitely until my ex reaches out. looking back, there are things i would do differently but overall i was a really great girlfriend and he walked because he was “curious” about what else is out there. so I’m moving on and if he has a change of heart, he can let me know. time to take control of my own life. your story has been inspiring!! i feel invested. keep the updates coming and so happy for you!Thanks, Atea. I appreciate your company on these boards.
I hope the process for you is a gentle one. Definitely live for yourself and stay positive. You’re great, and I know you’ll find love again. I hope it’s with your ex after he realizes it isn’t all rainbows & stuff on the other side.
If you’re mad at him, try not to be. It’s actually better that he is doing it now, rather than later.
thanks for the good wishes. i realize 4 months isn’t really all that long for him to have seen what else is out there yet. i go back and forth between being mad. i mean on one hand, I’m only 22 so i still have plenty of time to figure all of this out and I’m very thankful he didn’t end an engagement or break up a marriage and is seeing what else is out there at this time, but it definitely doesnt make it less painful! but i agree, better now than later. i just wonder how long it will take him especially because we are so young, i can’t see him being ready to settle for a number of years.
anyway, anything can happen really! i just need to stay positive. and i try not to be angry – I’m a very happy and optimistic person and i hate anger. i think its such a negative waste of energy and wont make me feel any better. for right now my only option is to focus on me and moving forward and if he comes back then i will cross that bridge when i get there.You have a good mindset about it all. You’ve been so calm seeming (which I’m sure you’ve had weaker moments) but I really do think you’ll be great in no time.
One of the things I was open about with my ex was that I think maybe I should date others. She doesn’t want me to, but she is really understanding about my feelings. Which is so odd considering the last 9 months. lol
Don’t concentrate on how long it will take him. It could be sooner than expected or later than wanted. And who knows.. maybe you won’t even care in the next few months because you’ll be living a happy life and totally focused on yourself.
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