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Hi! My story is a little bit different from the ones on here so I’m hoping I can get advice particular to my case 🙂 I met my (now ex) boyfriend about 8 months ago and we broke up about 3 weeks ago. From the night we met, we connected, which has never happened to me before. I felt like I finally found what I always wanted in a partner, and he claimed he felt the same about me. As you can probably guess, we ended up sleeping together the first night we met, but for most of our relationship it didn’t seem like going so fast was a negative thing.
In general, our relationship was super healthy and we were crazy about each other (and obviously I’m still crazy about him!). We each have emotional baggage from our childhood and past relationships, but overall I think we’ve both grown a lot and are aware of our issues. However, over the past couple months, I think we finished the honeymoon phase and started having some problems. In the beginning, we dealt with them in a very healthy way by communicating and making it up to each other. But as time went on, I think we became complacent and I started getting more emotional and he starting distancing himself more.
About a week before he broke up with me, we had our first argument. I think what made it bad to him was that it was in the middle of the night (I couldn’t sleep) and he was really stressed with work. He ended up leaving my place around 6 am and from that point forward he started pushing me away. A few days later, I pressed him about our relationship (a mistake, I know!) and he ended up breaking up with me.
I have to admit, right after he broke up with me, I begged for him back. But not wanting to be a crazy ex, I just went home and cried the rest of the day. He texted me apologizing, and I said he was just doing what he thought was best, and we just kept apologizing to each other until I decided to stop texting. For another week, I didn’t text him at all.
I’m trying to do no contact, and although we have texted a few times since the breakup, I’m pretty confident now that I can continue no contact for at least another month. Like I said, our relationship was super healthy and both of us agreed that it was the best relationship we ever had, which is why I’m now more confused than hurt. Another thing I didn’t mention is that he has told me numerous times that he has commitment issues, so I guess I was kind of prepared for this, but it still sucks.
I know now that I don’t want him back just because I’m lonely, because since the breakup, almost all of my exes have started contacting me (and one even offered to hook up haha) and I’ve already given a new guy my number. But even with all this attention I only want my ex!
Does it seem like I have a chance getting him back? And if so, how long should I do no contact? Any other advice?
I’m the same. I’ve been out with other guys but still miss my ex a lot. Unfortunately for me even with no contact he thinks that’s weird to miss someone for two months. Idk
What I can do but you still have a
Shot. Go out with the new guy just for fun. Don’t worry about anything. And keep up full no contact, not even one text, until after a month.You can do it. Even when I found out my dad had cancer and I only wanted to talk to my ex I resisted.
Hi Sally, I don’t see why you are doing No Contact. If you are not ready to move on do not do it. Sometimes NC can work in a negative way. Also I think you have a chance at getting back. I don’t think your ex thought his decision through.
I think that you should contact him and give your sweet words another chance. If you want him back you will have to the work here. Hope he makes it easy for you. Be prepared for a no I don’t want to try again. Thats when you will start a NC period but now I just don’t see it working.
What made you go into NC? If there is something you are hiding in this post. Do not stop your NC. Keep doing the 5step plan.
Thanks so much you guys! And I hope things work out with you and either a new guy and your ex Amanda7714 🙂
leidy1000, I’m doing no contact because everywhere I look online says to do no contact and because my ex doesn’t seem interested right now. He’s also mentioned to me before that he never gets back with exes, which is way I’m hesitant to discuss the breakup.
Like I said, we have talked (through text and in person – we go to the same school) since the breakup, but we kept things casual. I gave him his stuff back already, but later found a few more things, but he’s been putting off coming to pick them up. Maybe this is a sign he regrets the breakup? He also hasn’t told any of his friends about the breakup because I’ve seen them in passing and they’ve asked me about him. He also still hasn’t changed his facebook profile picture(s) that have me in them…
My instincts are telling me to wait to talk to him until he wants to get his stuff. Like I said, he’s stressed with work and (in stereotypical male fashion) wants space when he’s stressed, so I’m trying to show that I respect his decision to breakup but at the same time I really think we have something special. Do you still have the same opinion knowing all this (that I shouldn’t do no contact)?
Oh I now understand. Yes please keep doing No Contact until he comes around. You are right he does need space. Relationships are hard to have when life hits you with too much crap. Im not sure about how long you should be in No Contact. I think the rule goes by length of the relationship. Idk but just finish your 30days. I wish you lots of luck. Keep us posted.
Thank you so much for the support 🙂 I have another question that maybe you can help me with. I have a feeling he’s going to contact me to come get his stuff before my 30 days of no contact is done. Do you think I should be there when he comes to get his stuff or should I have someone else let him in? Or leave it outside (although that seems cruel)?
Idk what you feel like doing. Its all up to you. I would let someone else let him in. Since the break up is still fresh.
Okay thanks! I’ve been planning on having one of my housemates let him in, so it’s nice to know that someone else agrees 🙂 Have a good day!
Update! I saw my ex today at school (bumped into him twice -_-). However, I felt strong and happy and just smiled and waved! I think this is getting easier. I still miss him (especially after I see him), but the emotions are not as strong.
I also want some advice on dating. I’ve read on multiple sites that I should date during no contact (for multiple reasons), and I’m becoming more open to dating. Do you think it’s okay if I make a profile on an online dating site?
Did he wave back?
No dating advice here. I just think dating so soon sabotages your healing. If you are willing to date go ahead and make the profile. Go onone date and see how you feel, but you are definitely not obligated to date with a broken heart.
Yes, he waved back 🙂 He’s a sweetheart (which is one of the reasons I love him!).
I do want to date, if anything just to learn and grow as a person. I’ll continue to keep you updated. Thanks, leidy1000!
Oh I see why you are so happy. That was nice of him to wave back.
Update us on your date also. Some of us are afraid of dating soon. 🙂
So I don’t have an update on dating, but I do need some advice on communication with my ex. He contacted me today for the first time since I decided to start no contact – just giving me some updates on his life and asking me how I’m doing – and I’m wondering whether I should reply or not. He’s such a sweetheart that I don’t want to ignore him, but I’m not sure if I’ll be breaking no contact if I just tell him something like I need more space and time to accept the break up (so I can continue no contact without being a jerk). I’ll probably also post about this in the “No Contact” board to get some more advice 🙂
Avoid replying during no contact but if you do a short message saying you need time and space is okay, but as do not reply immediately, wait hours or days. Also yeah start dating and drop subtle hints on social media to make him curious and jealous. Don’t overdo it though. During no contact make sure your emotions stay a mystery to your ex and he must think that you are okay with the breakup and living your life. Since you see him at school it should be easier by telling mutual friends you are doing great if they ask.
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