3rd try of NC, I don't know if I still have any chance

Talking about negative feelings is good and I think keeping a diary or journal can also help just as an outlet for bad feelings or write them here. Nothing wrong with that. You are smart woman and sometimes we all just need a reminder of what we know because we so badly want to keep the hope and hang on to love we felt. In this situation I think his messages have not helped you at all. Which is kind of selfish from him as well. You know it does take two people to mess up a relationship not just one so dont blame everything on yourself main thing is that you take care of you right now.
Who knows what tomorrow brings so look forward to that.

Hey Malinda,

I saw these but I am at work and it is hard for me to respond sorry about that. So what is it that you want to do now? Do you want to respond to him and say you are okay because I dont think that is too bad if you do I mean it does not need to be novel, you can be honest and say I am fine but I need space to heal and move on it does not make you look weak but strong and the fact he gets nasty well it just shows he does has feelings too. The thing with you two is that your wants are very different. I mean let me ask you this question would you be willing to continue a relationship without him proposing to you for few more years ? if answer is no then for now you need to leave it for now and continue this nc and trust me once you are ready there will be someone else who is as good and most likely someone who will have similar needs. One of the hardest things in life is figuring out what we really need and want in a relationship anf from our partner and where we are willing to compromise. Sadly that knowledge often is only achieved through heartbreak but you already have learned many important lessons from this experience and you know in future relationships with him or someone else Neither of you were willing to compromise on the marriage and that broke you up not lack of love. But when it is something so fundamental and you could not see way out of that impasse it means your needs and wishes were not meeting and it is hard to make relationship work in those conditions almost impossible. So before you say there was no love, I doubt that I believe there was that is why it is hard for you both to cut the contact but I agree him visiting you when you are still feeling so vulnerable is not good idea. I dont see why you two could not meet when you go for visit back home but that should not be until you know inside that you are happy with both either him coming back or not coming back. Or at least are in better frame so that you can keep it positive. That is the stage I have reached I am happy alone and would I love my ex back yes but all I want is for him to be happy like I am so keep on living my life and ding fun things. And right now I am in best frame of mind in my entire life and you will get there two trust me. You have already shown incredible strength and you should be proud of yourself. Those weak moments are fine we all have them and that is being human. Stay strong. I will write more later when I can but now I have to go back to work.

You see how far ou have come. You alread realize that he was not making you feel the way you should in relationship and that is the first huge step to take and that is hardest for people to realize that often the reason for breakup is that there were aspects that were not working and sometimes no amount of love is not enough if your needs and wishes are imcompatible. You are right that no one should make you feel invicible nor bad about you and therefore in this point it would not have worked. You have great insight into your situation already and despite how hard is is when ou love someone they need to respect you as well and you are spot on that if you compromise on the marriage then his compromise should have been acknowledging you officially to people you know as your girldfriend. It is possible you pressured him with the marriage thing but all relationship take two people to mess up not one so there are things he did which contributed as much so it is not fair to blame one or the other when it is both. And I find laming people very counter productive anyway, what we all should do is learn from these situations and improve ourselves. I think you have been wa too hard on yourself and you just need to give yourself time, no one expects you get over him in a second not when it was as significant relationship as this has been for you. It takes time and patience and just take it one day at the time. When you feel really sad, have cry then stop and try to come up with something new to think or do. I mean how is life going in that new place now? Have you made any new friends?