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Hey:) i feel like I’ve missed out on so much my goodness..
Palmtrees when you hung out with him how did you feel?.. were you excited was it overwhelming?..but i agree with lin i swear if i didnt know any better i would think you were a counselor you give great advice !but yea i went out of the country so i just accepted not having service instead of searching for WiFi..it was great i went to Jamaica it was beautiful but …. i thought about my ex alot since we are supposed to go together apart of me was hoping he would show up anyway but he had cancelled his ticket.. we aren’t talking again probably worse than before but i cant be his friend because as much as I try to be patient i cant handle other girls writing him, etc so he was like we shouldnt talk anymore and i was super hurt but i realized I was hurting myself staying especially when he keeps telling me to leave…any advice?..should I restart nc?..like it hurts still
P.s he joined the military and idk how to handle it..like im trying not to send a long text its literally driving me crazy.. hom moving isn’t making it easier..i dont understand how a guy is making me feel like this..
Haha! I just try and be honest I guess. Glad you think my words are helpful! 🙂 That’s what we’re all here for.
Ah it’s gotta be tough going on a holiday that you and your ex were both meant to go on.. but well done for going. You definitely did the right thing. Even if it was hard, I bet you’re glad you went right?
It sounds like he still has a lot of resentment towards you so I’d recommend doing NC again. Anything you say to him now will just make him put his barriers up further. He clearly still needs more time to process the break up and let go of his anger. He will let go of it – it will just take time. Some people hang on to it a lot longer than others. My ex is like that! He’s full of it. But anger is a secondary emotion, and there is always something lying underneath it. So he (both your ex and mine) has to work out what that is himself.
Oh wow, yeah him joining the military sounds really hard on you. That’s like a whole other step of separation from you. I suppose now it’s likely that he will be away for long periods of time? Did he want to join the military while you were together or is this a new dream of his?
I still think NC is the best idea for now. Take 30 days, chill out, and try not to think about what he’s doing. You will probably find the pain eases quicker this time.
Lin how is your situation going?
I am glad i went it wasit gave me a chance to clear my mind a bit ..even though alot of times when i was alone i thought about him..i did meet this really attractive guy there if you ever seen the movie how Stella got her grove back..thats how i felt lol..
If he texts me should i not reply again?..not saying he will but just in case i think i pushed him away really bad this time with my emotions..and no i knew he was but he offically has a leave date now and its like i know girls love military men..i think about the most random things smh..so its like hes moving to tx in less than 2 weeks and hes leaving for boot camp in a little over a month so i hate that i cant see or talk to him at all ..this is awful..but here goes nc again
I’m fine, just still in no contact for the second time. The more time I spend away with him the more unhappy memories I remember, and it has brought me back down to earth a bit. Not exactly sure how I feel anymore.
Oh man, literally just now?? Is that all it said?
I would respond but be polite and ask for space. I think you’re right that he probably needs some time to let go of his anger and it sounds like emotions are still running a bit high on your end as well. I don’t want you to have a kind conversation only to get into another fight after a few days. Take a little more time for yourself
Lin,
I don’t know how I missed your first message regarding setting boundaries, but you are so right. It is something I am awful at and I end up complaining because I’m not getting what I want when it’s partially my fault for letting my needs go unmet without saying anything. I’ll need to do better. I mostly just think im having a hard time enjoying this bc I’m scarred from being broken up with in the past but I need to get over it and figure out a way to have some more faith.
I am glad to hear you’ve got a more realistic view of the past now. I think that’s a tough thing for anyone who thinks they want to work things out to understand– it’s rare (or impossible) to have a relationship where one person is completely happy and the other is so discontented they end it. Usually both parties are dissatisfied. How long have you been on no contact for?
Kiya, Did you end up responding?
We all do it. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I think it’s only something you can learn to do with experience, and that’s what we’re getting now! I’ve never made the realisation before either, but it seems so obvious now. We need to set out in our minds what we want from a relationship and what our boundaries are, before we can invite someone else in. 🙂
Yes you’re definitely right there. It’s easy to blame yourself completely straight after a break up, as I did, but the distance is reminding me that perhaps that wasn’t true and we both made mistakes. I certainly wasn’t 100% happy.
We broke up at the beginning of June and I did 30 days NC, and after a couple of messages I’ve started again and I’m just over 2 weeks into NC for the second time. Time flies doesn’t it?
yes, what did you decide to do Kiya?
I ended up telling him i need space because im not ok with jist being friends and thst if i continue things will get worse…..i knowni shouldn’t jave said all of that but i wasnt sure exactly what to write after..so i guess tomorrow will be day 1 of nc again..because he never text back from the other msg
So plamtrees im alittle behind in everyone stories if im correct you siad yoh triee hanging out with your ex right? Are you still talking or am i mixing up stories
…and lin i think that was one of the points in nc to see if you really wanted the relationship back…i hate that it has come to that but would you say you have been feeling better or has the thoughts about the bad memories affected youWe spent about a week texting a bunch and then hung out three times this weekend. One of those times we had what turned out to be a good, but was definitely an emotional talk about everything. Today he’s being more distant than before. I’m pretending to ignore it because I know bringing it up will only cause problems. There’s a lot of change that needs to happen and while I think no contact helps you get into a space to talk about those things, it’s not a magic problem eraser, the problems are still there
Yes exactly. No contact isn’t the solution or the tactic, it just gives you space to make sense of things. The distance gives you the opportunity to understand why the break-up happened and analyse what went wrong. The real work comes in working on yourself and becoming the best you. Only then will it be right to try and start again with your ex.
Hello all! Finally got internet so can catch up
Again. I stopped using it because I kept checking his Facebook and Instagram…Kiya-I think its a really good idea to do NC again. It will give you both time to reflect and see whether this is something both of you are ready for/really want. Although it might be a bit painful in the long run, in the end it will be the best option 🙂
Palmtrees- definately take things slow. One thing I regret is my ex and I rushed into getting back together (literally one meet up and we said lets give it another shot) but we didn’t actually say what we needed to change-which evidently was something we should have done at the start. I advise to tive him space if he’s being distant-don’t contact and see what he says/does 🙂
Lin-I rink the longer you do NC this second time the better. Really give him space-maybe don’t wait 30 days either-maybe 40? Or longer. I think he needs to really get a clear head about all this 🙂
You are all right. I’m not even sure the distance is a bad thing, it’s not cold at all I think he’s just trying to take things slowly. I’m certainly not going to say anything about it and going to try to be more upbeat.
Amy,
How are you feeling after your vacation (from life and from the Internet?)
Kiya and Lin,
I echo Amy’s thoughts regarding no contact. It was totally helpful to me to take the time to refocus my life on myself. Even though some of that stability is gone now that we are back talking, I feel really grounded knowing what w good life I’ve made for myself while I’ve been completely single.
I’m feeling much better thank you ? the holiday has really helped in boosting my confidence actually-I met a really lovely person who has been a great distraction, and we’ve been chatting on whatsapp a bit 🙂 I’ve also realised I can still do things without my ex, which is becoming a bonus.
I guess the only thing that’s getting to me is still the whole him getting over me quickly whilst on his travels – I loved being busy and it did take my mind off him, but at the same time I still thought of him a lot. I guess my worry is still that these travels with clear his mind of me completely but will see how it goes.Well done to all you guys though – we are all being so much stronger and mature 🙂
Good advice everyone thank you, I’m definitely going to not contact him for a while now. I’ll inform you first when I do!
Great to hear Amy 🙂 new people that we meet can be brilliant at boosting our ego. The times where you’re not thinking of him will get longer as time goes on!
Ask yourself this: would you ever forget your ex? Say you were in a new relationship with a new person and you were in love. Would you actually FORGET your ex? I doubt it! When someone is so important to us they stay with us in our hearts and or minds, even when we are over them. Now, there’s no way your ex will move on so soon anyway, so how could he forget you either? Even if he had you’d still be in his thoughts I guarantee it. 🙂
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