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A comment mainly for you Amy (and sorry for my English, it’s not my mother language).
I broke up with my Ex exactly a year ago after 3.5 years of relationship. She was and still is the love of my life (and vise versa I believe), but we had huge issues mainly unrelated to us (we are both divorced with kids).
Anyway, It was a real nightmare for me to hold-on and even breath back then and your thread at that time during your previous breakup and 3 month NC process, was some kind of a great light in the huge darkness that I had to go through.
I was “addicted” to read your posts at that time (it was a TRIO thread with some guy, I don’t remember his name…). You personally sounded so smart and mature that it was a great relief to follow you. I remember that I was so happy (almost like you do ;-)) to see that eventually you got back together and I was so sorry to learn now that you broke up again 🙁
Anyway, reading your posts now, I wanted to tell you two things from my own experience as a male who initiated the breakup (a couple of times actually in two years, including our last breakup a year ago):
1. I broke up with my Ex as said a year ago (for a good reason), this time she blocked me all over and we both kept NC till these days. Even though I had a strong 5 months rebound relationship since then, I still think about my 3.5 years Ex every day and every minutes. I still miss her big time, I still dream of her frequently and I still pray that one day we’ll be back together again. You don’t forget a 3.5 years Ex so easily, so try not to worry that your Ex will forget you in his travel or even way after. There is no way! It doesn’t mean of course that you’ll be back together again because as you know a reconciliation is a tricky emotional and social process, involving ego, anger, love and hate, but I’m sure he misses you and will miss you like crazy for many years! So no rush to solve things even if it feels that time is running out…
2. I strongly believe that you should try dating and meet other people even if it feels weird at the beginning. I was totally heart-broken a year ago, but I insisted dating others until I suddenly felt slightly better and even found a great lady and had a great 5 months rebound relationship, with a lot of travel all over the world and fun. I couldn’t fall in love again so quickly (and I informed her in advance about it) but it was fun and helped me recover and start breathing and enjoying life again.
You seem like an amazing young but mature lady and you deserve only the best. Let your Ex grow and mature and get back to you if and when he deserves you, even if it takes a couple of years. At the meantime, dating others may surprise you, you may find another love, but you most likely will regain your self confidence. Your Ex also needs to see that happening in order to appreciate what he has. I believe he doesn’t really know what he has based on his behavior and he may only see it once he realizes that he may loose you forever.
I hope it’s okay that I was so direct… But after following you and your roller coaster for so long I care about very much and I felt I need to reach out and share my thoughts… Anyway good luck!
Thanks you so much!! Honestly that has made me feel so much better about it all. I actually met a French boy on holiday now that was very nice-but I was too scared to get a number or anything! Do you think him feeling like he has “lost” me as such would help? I know it would help me to go out and date anyway, so I will try it 🙂
And thank you! I’m trying to be mature about kit but to be honest it has really affected me this time, and I feel at a complete loss! But I am still in NC, so not going to give up now!
Hi Amy, really good talking to you! And feel free to ask any question, I do care about you knowing your sincere commitment and love to your Ex and the cold shoulder you were getting in return back and forth.
I’m happy to hear about this French guy, having a foreigner may make it even easier and more interesting as an experience and as such may be a great opportunity for you to have a short “break” from your suffer. Spending even a short period of time without feeling the hurt and sadness you feel these days will help you tremendously recover your self confidence and happiness. If you still have a way to find this French guy, I highly recommend, go for it! Slowly, step by step, but give it a try (assuming you find him attractive/compelling enough!).
This to my humble opinion will also be the best way to show your Ex what you worth and send him back to you. Even If not immediately, because his ego will kick in, it is highly important for him to know that you have alternatives, so he won’t break-up with you so easily in the future if you get back together every time he has a bad day or two!
Regarding my rebound, it was an awesome experience and in other circumstances I might fall in love with her but my heart is completely closed and broken so after we returned to TLV from a great trip to Asia together, I felt that it’s not fair for her and before it will be too hard for the two of us to break-up we amicably ended it for now. So no we are no longer together. But we may try it again in the future…
Regarding my Ex, which is clearly the love of my life, and I still miss her like crazy and think she is the most beautiful girl in the world, and I pray to spend the rest of my life with her, she still has a lot of anger and disappointment from me breaking up with her again and again (I really had no choice!) and I’m still completely blocked… ? no single word from any of us for a year…
But, just like you, I have good open channel with her sister so I know more or less how she feels… Specifically, me having my rebound drove her crazy!!!
Ahhh okay! It’s interesting to hear your story 🙂 I think what my main worry is is that mine doesn’t want to talk to me for at least 3 months-I was going to wait 5, but worried still won’t reply.
Are you going to contCt your ex soon? 🙂
Hey Amy,
Not a great deal to report on my end. I’ve been a bit up and down as usual, but the ups get better every day and the downs hurt less every day. 🙂
It was my ex’s sister’s wedding yesterday, which he invited me to a year ago. It was always the intention to go together, so that was a bit hard for me, knowing that he was there without me. But I’m trying not to focus on it. He put up a couple of pictures on Instagram so I’ve just unfollowed him on it now. It doesn’t do me any good looking at his updates, and I have no control over what he does, so what’s the point.
How was your holiday? The French boy sounds interesting!! Even if you didn’t get his number, I bet it was a nice ego boost for you, right? And it goes some way to letting you know your worth and realising that perhaps there are other people out there.
It’s interesting to hear TLV’s viewpoint of your story too.
Good idea, I’ve unfollowed mine on Facebook and Instagram now.
Yeah! If I’m honest this holiday has boosted my self confidence no end. I’ve been able to organise things for myself, have spoken to a few boys and done some pretty cool adventures! I’ve put up a few pictures of my Insta but quite vague- been one of me in the sea, one in a desert, and kept my captions quite vague like “exploring Gozo” etc 🙂 so this trip has done me well.
Yeah-very interesting. It’s made me feel a little better 🙂
So glad to hear it! 😀
Good work on the vague instas. They are so much more effective!
It starts to feel better when you stop trying to make sense of everything in your head and just get on with your life and doing things that make you happy. I think we’ve all come a long way.
So my ex and I hung out a bit this weekend. We are probably moving a little too fast. I need to slow things down because we really do need to change things and I’m not happy like I should be because I know without these changes it’ll end up where it was. Any good tips on how to slow it down?
Hey Palmtrees,
What do you mean by its going too fast? It sounds like things are going in a direction you’re not sure of. Have you thought about whether this relationship is right for you? Is it what you want?
I agree with lin maybe all that time you had to think might have changed your outlook on it
..also i would love to hear everyone’s updates.. i went on vaca and i didnt have any service..so everyone whats new?? Im all earsI think that’s exactly what I mean. Maybe not that I want out so much as I realize so much trust has been eroded. I feel unsure about his feelings (after all, he has jumped ship before) and I just want to slow down. Hanging out in public places is a good idea. I think I am going to put him on “do not disturb” while I’m at work so we aren’t texting throughout the day.
Kiya,
A vacation without cell service sounds amazing. What’s new with you?Palmtrees, I think you really need to think about it and take some time out. If he wants to be with you he will respect that. I think in a lot of our cases, our relationships failed because we didn’t put up boundaries about behaviours that we weren’t willing to accept. I know I certainly didn’t.
I think you need to make sure you’re aware of what your boundaries are, and then communicate those to him when you’re ready. For example, things that you’re not willing to compromise on, such as your freedom to go out with friends, or not putting up with certain things he says during arguments. I’m not sure what yours will be but you probably do!
So until you have those boundaries clear in your mind, I don’t think you should be getting into a new relationship just yet. I think it’ll probably end in disaster if you do too quickly.
Tell us alllll about the holiday Kiya! How are you feeling about things?
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