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My situation is a bit different my ex suffers from depression and was even admitted in the hospital. He has been struggling with uni and keep failling a subject which led to more stress and him pushing me away. We had a small argument but he didnt want to resolve it at all he says that we should break up because he doesnt deserve me anymore and doesnt want me to be affected with what’s happening to him and his problems. He said that he will lie low so that we can focus more on our studies and ourselves. I agreed to that and I gave him space he needs we agreed to limited contact but the preceeding days have been hard on him because it is possible he might not graduate this sem so I always text him motivational quotes and reminding him that I am always here for him to listen. But after a few days of not speaking he texted me that he wants to breakup and he no longer have feelings for me saying that the problem lies with him and that he doesnt deserve me anymore. I told him that we should speak personally and i tried to convince him to try again but not now since he is dealing with something hard but he says he dont want to try again in the future and he says he will try but i should not hope. So I made him promise to take care of himself before agreeing to part ways. What should i do could i get him back? I am now on 2 weeks nc he seems fine but out of character posting too much on social media I know he will contact me again to give back my things.
Hey,
Your situation isn’t that much different from mine except it was my ex girlfriend who gave me that line as well. I’m not a professional or anything but I’ve read many articles and watched a lot of video content on these things but to answer your question yes there is a possibility to get him back. The only thing you can do is give him space and time. That will give him the chance to think back on the relationship and remember the good moments you had together. Now if he does texts you i don’t recommend you ignore it just keep the message short and concise. Remember that NC just says for you not to reach out but if he reaches out and you think the conversation could go somewhere then keep it short and concise and do not leg it drag on (trust me i tried letting it drag on and i ended up getting no response after). The only thing you can really do now is pull back, stay in NC and let time do the work for you. I can’t tell you anything about the social media thing at all because some videos/articles will say that they could be faking that happiness that you’re seeing when really they are just as hurt as you, but I’m not entirely sure because we don’t know what exactly your ex is thinking. I hope i was able to help you out.
Hi
Thank you for replying I am glad that someone understands my situation I’ve decided to do NC for 45 days but should I reach out to him again after NC or just let him be? It would be nice if you can also share your story and progress so we can uplift each other at this hard time.Also i might add that we have been together for 2+ years it such a shame that I will lose him to depression.
Well you see the thing about NC is that there’s no specific time frame on where to end it and reach out. NC is meant for you to be able to work on yourself and learn how to live life without your partner (this is supposed to spark attraction within your ex). That being said the time table is all dependent on you whether you feel comfortable reaching out again because at some point in NC you’re supposed to feel good enough to where you have nothing to lose by reaching out to your ex. A relationship that lasted anything more than 6 months is enough time to develope an emotional connection with your ex, and seeing how you two were together for two years there is no doubt in my mind that your ex doesn’t think about you. I have done the breaking up before on an ex (the relationship lasted for two and a half years) and we did manage to get back together because i reaches out to her. Eventually he will wonder what you are up to, what you are doing, who you are in contact with, and eventually he will feel fear that he may have made a mistake and lost you forever and possibly handed you over to someone else. I know you probably don’t want him to feel that way but him feeling that way will definitely push him back into your direction. Also know that us guys are very straightforward so you will definitely be able to know if NC is affecting him because he will probably reach out to you slowly at first but try to keep it cool and don’t just assumes he wants you back right away. Most times he is testing the waters but you need to let his fear of losing you get the best of him to where he will say that he misses you (which is what I did to one of my past ex girlfriends).
As far as my current situation goes I’ve known my ex for 6 years, throughout the 6 years she had always had feelings for me but we only dated for 5 months. I have a thread up that I’m sure you read and a lot of my situation is scrambled because when i wrote that thread i could not think properly but she also has depression (stress from family, new job,etc). She is on medication and was going to therapy. Our relationship was good but the problem is her family didn’t really approve of the relationship (i have known the family for years, they know I’m a good guy just not sure if I’m the right guy for her) so after a while the stress from them not liking the idea of us dating finally got her to just flat out leave me because the day before she left nothing is wrong and literally the next day everything went 180 on me. When she did finally say that she wanted to break up I could tell she was hesistant about it. I did everything that you are not supposed to do (Begged, cried, tried to get her to change her mind). I did not spam her with text messages begging for her back though because she did tell me she wanted her space even though she said that she is still willing to talk and go out to places with me. I did a lot of research since then from various sources and was able to point out the mistakes I made on handling the breakup and have been in NC since. She hasn’t texted me since my birthday but we spoke slightly face to face a week ago (I initiated that contact which was a bad move on my part) even though she talked to me I could sense that my presence was unwanted due to The awkwardness that I felt between us. I’ve noticed that she stopped watching my stories on social media (not like that indicates much but in this day of technology it is enough to shake me even a little). I have however realized that the best thing I can do is give her the breakup that she “wanted” (I put that in quotations because she was reluctant to break up with me which I hope is a sign and because the psychology behind it states that her saying that is how she felt in that moment but no telling how she feels now). By being around all the time and trying to contact her I realized that she will not feel the loss if I am around she is getting what she wants and having me at the same time which isn’t fair for me. As much as I do hope NC will end early for me and she reaches out first (which is the general idea), I know it will be a long process and could take a few months. In that time frame I will have to figure out if she is worth everything I am going through right now, if my feelings are the same for her, if i could still move on without her (which are questions you should be able to answer by the time NC ends for you). This is my current experience so far, it’s more organized than my thread because I had the time to take a step back and review everything as a whole while I was able to calm myself.
Hope I was able to help you and my experience gives you some clarity.
I totally get what you are talking about I know NC is for yourself to heal from the emotional trauma the breakup caused you and to wash away the negativity and to be more confident and independent. I know sometime soon he may contact me for he still have some of my things but I think I can’t try to talk to him again after that so basically I’ll just do nc again till I become ready but who knows time is a powerful thing maybe after a two more weeks I might feel ready again to contact him. In the other thread you have said that even though you initiated the breakup you are still the one who reached out to her I am a bit afraid that might not be the same for me cause he seems so firm in his decision to end our relationship.
Dont worry I too beg and pleaded when he brokeup with me but he just keep saying that he can’t fight for our relationship anymore and does not feel anything for me anymore. Luckily I have woken up from my impulsiveness and realized that I may have damaged my chances and it is not a matter that I can talk him out of. I realized that if I give him a bit of time to clear his head of these negative emotions and of other triggers of his depression he might see the light at the end of the tunnel. So I ended our breakup of well wishes I asked him to promise me that he will take care of himself and I wish to see him graduate this sem which he answered that I should promise him that also.
I think that you may not have ruined your chanced as much as you believe you didnt beg to get back together for months I know some people who did that and that made their ex push them away even more. I think you have done the right thing by not contacting her anymore so that she will see the consequences of her decision. You seem to really care for her which is a good thing. The thing with depressed people they dont want to burden others of their emotional baggage so if she saw that you are being affected but not in a good way she might push you out of their life to save you from the drama. That’s what literally my ex told me although with different words. It is also good to plant seeds to her close friends like ring them up to look out for her because she’s undergoing so much stress in thay way when they get together to talk with your ex her friends might mention this and she will see you more in a positive light.
For him to have not have asked for his things back already could be a good thing. Because when he is ready to reach out to you again he now has an excuse to do so. Well the other thread is actually on the ex i am trying to get back. See I’m not sure how your ex would think but if he never asked for his things back, and as set as you think he is for wanting to still be separate from you he may change his mind. Like I said I’m not him but based on my experience being the one who did the breaking up before he may change his mind cause I remember saying the same thing before too, but the two years you had with your ex had to have meant something to him or he wouldn’t have been around for that long. You just have to let him realize what he’s lost and once he’s recognized his mistake he will come back. It took me 6 months before I realized and got back with that ex so it takes a lot of time.
I also told my ex (the one I’m trying to get back) that I respected what she wanted and know that there is nothing I can do about it and went away gracefully but when asked how I was doing I made the mistake on telling her I was miserable, depressed, and that I missed her (this was a few days after she broke up with me). I know she cares about me because she also wants me to finish school as well. Same as your ex he shows he cared because he still wishes for your success as well.
She did tell me that she didn’t want to trouble me with her depression as well and that may be a reason why she shoved me out, but I Have a lot of friends who suffer from depression as well and am always around to lend an ear but I guess she didn’t want to do that. The problem for me being able to contact her friends are I’ve never met them because either they live in other states or she doesn’t have many friends that she’s close with where we live (she’s very introverted). But thank you for believing I have a chance. I was starting to doubt the process which is what every single bit of my instincts tell me otherwise but now that someone else thinks I have a chance there’s hope!
It was nice talking to you too and glad I could share my story with you and possibly have helped you out.
Yes all we can do now is do progress with ourselves. Pls update me of your situation once in a while I would like to hear how it goes.
Yea of course, I know this is a forum and everything but it’s nice to see that some people are willing to go out of their way to offer their help/support to another stranger. Please do update me on your situation as well, or if you need help in the process or anything I do not mind helping in any way I can in order to help you reach your goal.
So I saw her today at work. I wanted to approach to say hi to her or something but not sure if me not doing that had an effect on her.
Hi been in the rough patch lately I have been crying so much he tweeted that “it is hard to smile now, I have loved you since the start.” I think it is unfair for him to say that since he is the one who initiated the breakup with me. I was deeply hurt I choose to kept quiet about our breakup just alarming our close friends to watch on him since I know he suffers from depression. Yeah I wanted to talk to him about that tweet i am so hurt and angry but i choose not to contact him. Can i ask another question did your previous ex tried to contact you or the reconciliation is all made possible by you? Yeah this is my update to you
As you have said you just recently started the no contact so i think you can be cordial wave or something but dont ignore her completely
So for your situation for him to post something like that, I would not take that as a bad sign because maybe he now he is feeling the weight of his decision which is what you want. But social media is not entirely a great outlet to determine much unless he tells you himself so I would not look too much into it. So for the ex that I broke up with and got back to, I never really posted anything on social media much (still don’t unless I find it funny) but whenever there were days I would think about her badly I would reach out and text her. Remember reconciliation will only really work when they make up in their mind that they still want the relationship.
I would have to be the one to make the effort to say hi or something to her. Each time I’ve seen her before I would always say hi but now that I’ve stopped that (and I know she sees me as well) she doesn’t even try to say hi or anything to me. It doesn’t seem fair that I would have to initiate all of that because she is the one who left me but at the same time I can’t help but feel like the asshole. I know i shouldn’t ignore her and should still wave hi but she’s not doing the same so I’m not sure what to do.
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