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Hi, i hope someone reads this thread, i sent out the letter today, well actually i gave it to a friends of mine who is her colleague and friend, so i know she got it today. I felt like a burden was lifted from my shoulders, it felt good. But now that i know she has it, she hasn’t texted me or anything, i wasn’t expecting much of a response, but i was hoping for at least a thank you for the letter. Like a normal polite person would do if they received a letter, so now i’m getting worried. at first giving the letter felt great, now i feel like it’s driving me mad and making me worse. So i’m not really asking a question just sort of wondering what others did if they’ve ever felt like this.
That’s smart it should be a process to finally get some closure i think. And well i think it’s good that you at least know some details about whatever he’s up to, i’m sure after the letter he’ll talk again, to what degree i dont know but you’ll probably at least talk again well you should, or else thats just uncivilized, i think he was just overwhelmed and then he started to hurt once it sank in, i think in my case its the same, i havent talked or really heard much but i feel like she’s in more pain then she thought, well after i stopped my pleading and begging, i’m not 100% sure about that but i think it’s true. I mean after you spent so many years together, at some point it just hits you a lot harder than you expect. i’m sure he’s just trying to get his head together just like you are! I have hope for you! me not so much but i think everything will be okay on your end. And i know the analyzing get annoying, i keep trying to tell myself that there’s nothing i could have really done, it came from nowhere, she should have talked to me before if there was a problem because thats what couples do: talk. but then i was start thinking that i should have known, and it was my job to know, and i should have focused more on her. But either way it doesnt matter, no matter what happens i’ll be analyzing everything for awhile so i better get used to arguing with myself! :P.
That is a really great rule!
I’ve kind of done something similar, i’ve been writing up drafts daily originally it was to calm myself, but now it’s become a habbit, where i write a new letter, i’ve noticed there’s something that i always write about (so i imagine i really want to say those things) but the things i sort of forget about, i guess aren’t as important. When i seriously decide to write the letter (sometime next week) i’ll make sure i do the 48 hour thing.
And no we haven’t been in touch but i feel like she’s doing no contact too, just a gut feeling but i’m not sure. Have you been in touch?
And well i over think everything i do, and i stress out over the smallest of details on everything, not just this letter but i’m sure whatever happens and whatever i say will be exactly what i need to say.Oh and to the desperate thing, i’m not sure because i’m wondering the same thing about mine, but i think you have to put some mixture of passed memories (to make them remember why they ever loved you) followed with something that hits them hard in the chest.
I’m not sure i’m having the same conflicting feelings about what to put, i want to make a balance of like nostalgia (so describe a few favourite memories), then some apologizing for the way i behaved, then some like apologizing for the way i acted during the relationship, and some things that our new in my life and what i’ve been up to. I’m kind of trying to create like some sort of letter that says i’m sorry but not to much so it sounds like i’m needy, some memories but not to much so it doesnt sound like i accepted it, some things that i’ve gotten better at but not to much so it sounds like i’m overly confident and just trying to mess with her. But at the end i’m debating if i should say something casual like how’s your research going or something like that, so she gets the hint that i’m trying to communicate with her again but i dont know if that will be to obvious or not, really at this point i’m confused about the letter, like i’m rational with my emotions, but i’m stressing out to make sure i don’t overdue or underdue the letter and i can maximize my chances.
I’m also in a similar boat because it ended so sudden because ‘we grew apart’ but like we were in a relationship for a long time, so you cannot just say we grew apart when you’ve essentially grown together for the past few years, so originally i wanted to say something about that but then i figured that would just sound needy again so i should just keep that to myself and hope that one day i’ll be able to bring it up.
Oh i’m also going to apologize because i took her love for granted, i became to focused on math and my research and i forgot about her, i really want to say something like that but i think that that is also to in her face about everything. So basically i’m trying to make a compromise of what i want to say to her and what i actually can say so i don’t mess everything up.
I hope that helps with yours, but i’m not 100% sure how good my letter will be, so i’m not sure.Oh yeah i definitely hope it’ll open a door for you too! When i write/send my letter, i hope the same thing, but if not then i keep trying to tell myself that it’ll be for me not her (the reason to write the letter) so telling other people the same thing i guess drives it in my mind! Hopefully the letter helps something happen though.
