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So this is my story..
I’m now 27 days NC and today have the feeling to want to start writing a letter to my ex.
Since I wrote the original post I have had lots of thoughts about things I have been doing wrong! Mainly not appreciating what we had and always wanting more (the house, the wedding, the babies)! We’re both very Young (24&25) so I shouldn’t have been in such a rush.. I now realise how unimportant these things are to me without him! I want to tell him iv realised this and that I’m sorry if he feels he was always fighting a losing battle..
What do you all think?I think you should! I think it will be a great way to express yourself. But it’ll probably be a way for you to take some of your thoughts out of your mind and let things be, so i think writing a letter would be beneficial to you if anything.
thankyou for your reply!
I know I should be writing the letter for my own sense of closure but I can’t help but hope that it may just open the door for us again..
It was all left amicable so hopefully he won’t ignore me!
Oh yeah i definitely hope it’ll open a door for you too! When i write/send my letter, i hope the same thing, but if not then i keep trying to tell myself that it’ll be for me not her (the reason to write the letter) so telling other people the same thing i guess drives it in my mind! Hopefully the letter helps something happen though.
Have you had any thoughts about what you are going to say in your letter?
I have been thinking about my favourite memories and putting a few of these in in a positive way, quite light hearted, but I don’t want him to think that I’m trying to get him back, I just want to relight the passion and complete adoration we used to have, that was so real, not an illusion and I don’t understand how it could just end so suddenly after 6 years, for no reason.
Do you think it would look desperate?I’m not sure i’m having the same conflicting feelings about what to put, i want to make a balance of like nostalgia (so describe a few favourite memories), then some apologizing for the way i behaved, then some like apologizing for the way i acted during the relationship, and some things that our new in my life and what i’ve been up to. I’m kind of trying to create like some sort of letter that says i’m sorry but not to much so it sounds like i’m needy, some memories but not to much so it doesnt sound like i accepted it, some things that i’ve gotten better at but not to much so it sounds like i’m overly confident and just trying to mess with her. But at the end i’m debating if i should say something casual like how’s your research going or something like that, so she gets the hint that i’m trying to communicate with her again but i dont know if that will be to obvious or not, really at this point i’m confused about the letter, like i’m rational with my emotions, but i’m stressing out to make sure i don’t overdue or underdue the letter and i can maximize my chances.
I’m also in a similar boat because it ended so sudden because ‘we grew apart’ but like we were in a relationship for a long time, so you cannot just say we grew apart when you’ve essentially grown together for the past few years, so originally i wanted to say something about that but then i figured that would just sound needy again so i should just keep that to myself and hope that one day i’ll be able to bring it up.
Oh i’m also going to apologize because i took her love for granted, i became to focused on math and my research and i forgot about her, i really want to say something like that but i think that that is also to in her face about everything. So basically i’m trying to make a compromise of what i want to say to her and what i actually can say so i don’t mess everything up.
I hope that helps with yours, but i’m not 100% sure how good my letter will be, so i’m not sure.Oh and to the desperate thing, i’m not sure because i’m wondering the same thing about mine, but i think you have to put some mixture of passed memories (to make them remember why they ever loved you) followed with something that hits them hard in the chest.
Wow, you sound as emotionally battered as I feel! Second guessing everything and doubting and overthinking! I guess all we can write is the truth, and if that is not enough then what is! Have you been in touch recently?
Have you heard of this 48 hour rule? Where you write your letter, then wait 48 hours, reread it and if it’s still perfect, send it! If it isn’t then make your changes but wait another 48 hours and recheck and so on and so on until you either realise you don’t want to send it or it’s exactly what you want to say! That way your not sending anything in the heat of the moment or regretting an impulse!
I thought so too! Now I just need to get pen to paper.. Eek!
That is a really great rule!
I’ve kind of done something similar, i’ve been writing up drafts daily originally it was to calm myself, but now it’s become a habbit, where i write a new letter, i’ve noticed there’s something that i always write about (so i imagine i really want to say those things) but the things i sort of forget about, i guess aren’t as important. When i seriously decide to write the letter (sometime next week) i’ll make sure i do the 48 hour thing.
And no we haven’t been in touch but i feel like she’s doing no contact too, just a gut feeling but i’m not sure. Have you been in touch?
And well i over think everything i do, and i stress out over the smallest of details on everything, not just this letter but i’m sure whatever happens and whatever i say will be exactly what i need to say.No not a thing! We met up before he went away and he told me he’d always cherish our memories then text me when he arrived and said I’d pretty much made him the man he is today and I thought that was a nice place to leave it so didn’t reply! and I’ve not heard a thing from him since other than him popping up on my newsfeed appearing to be having the best time! I know he will be struggling as he cried when he broke it off and his mum has told me since that he is broken over how much he has hurt me! 🙁 I think he’s not been in touch coz he thinks it’s for the best for both of us to have some time..
I am the same! I haven’t stopped analysing every detail of the break up and the weeks before trying to get some clues as to what went wrong.. Even when I fall to sleep I dream about it! It’s never ending.. Haha!It seems like your doing the right thing and it’s giving you some definite indicators of what you want to say! I am going to start writing tomorrow when I have an hour to sit down and really pour my heart out initially! Then go from there..
That’s smart it should be a process to finally get some closure i think. And well i think it’s good that you at least know some details about whatever he’s up to, i’m sure after the letter he’ll talk again, to what degree i dont know but you’ll probably at least talk again well you should, or else thats just uncivilized, i think he was just overwhelmed and then he started to hurt once it sank in, i think in my case its the same, i havent talked or really heard much but i feel like she’s in more pain then she thought, well after i stopped my pleading and begging, i’m not 100% sure about that but i think it’s true. I mean after you spent so many years together, at some point it just hits you a lot harder than you expect. i’m sure he’s just trying to get his head together just like you are! I have hope for you! me not so much but i think everything will be okay on your end. And i know the analyzing get annoying, i keep trying to tell myself that there’s nothing i could have really done, it came from nowhere, she should have talked to me before if there was a problem because thats what couples do: talk. but then i was start thinking that i should have known, and it was my job to know, and i should have focused more on her. But either way it doesnt matter, no matter what happens i’ll be analyzing everything for awhile so i better get used to arguing with myself! :P.
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