Simon

Hey Kneechan,

Thank you for te kind words, it really helps me now. I just read your comment that you posted in November. I don’t know if you still remember that but for some reason it took a really long time before this blog posted my comment so I tought that I did something wrong. Because I thought my post wasn’t actually posted, I didn’t came back to this site. Until now. I was curious to see if somebody reacted and you did and I really want to thank you for that. It looks like I missed a lot of posts from you guys. I hope you guys are all doing well. I don’t have the time right now to read them because I am in my exams but I will inform you about the things that happened to me. It has been two months now and not a lot has changed with me mentally to be honost. I did start working out and getting my mind of of things but I still think about her every day. The one thing that did change is that I do not do stupid things anymore to get her back, but that stopped after a week or two weeks after the break up. I really want to change myself in becoming a better man but the problem is those exams. I don’t have time for myself because I need to study. After these exams I will work on myself instantly and I hope that it is not already to late to win her back. I have been in an almost solid no contact. After a month of no contact I did contact her via text to wish her very good exams. She texted me back in a very positive way wishing me really good exams aswell. I thought ok, this is going great. I waited a few days or a week and then I contacted her via Facebook. I wanted to see if I could do a little chat with her. That didn’t go that well though. I could clearly see that, although she tried to convince everyone with social media that she was over the break-up, she wasn’t. She was not very friendly although she was not a complete bitch either. I asked her a question, she responded short but with the answer. Then I asked her another question and she said that she didn’t knew and that she didn’t care. Then I asked her yet another question and then she told me that she didn’t want to talk to me. I said ok, I understand that (trying to keep it cool). But I asked her if we could talk another time and I said to her that it’s not because we are not a couple anymore that I didn’t care about her anymore. She then just answered mhhh (which is something she does when she doesn’t know what to say but when she doesn’t want to be rude to not react at all). She didn’t answer the question so I said to her, talk another time then? She responded by saying I don’t know. I think it’s clearly that she does not know how she feels about me but I thought she still was a little angry. Then I did something which I think was really good. Again I waited for a while and then I wrote her another letter. In that letter I apologize for everything I did wrong (not in a begging way). I said to her that I understand why she broke up with me and that I understood why she made that decision. I did not beg at all in that letter but I pointed out every mistake I made and why I made them. That I thought that when I made them it was the best for us both and that I never wanted to hurt her. I ended my letter with saying that I understand her and with saying sorry. Then again I wished her really good exams and I told her that she can do it if she focusses really hard (she is not really confident about herself at all which might be one of the reasons why she fell for me because back in the day I was very confident). With that letter was a box with all the stuff that she left at my home. I pointed out in my letter that I haven’t forgotten her but that it was not my right to keep her stuff because it was hers. I left the letter and the box in front of her house because I didn’t think it was a good idea to give it to her personally. I then texted her by saying that there was a box with a letter in front of her house and that I really hoped that she would take the time to read it. She texted me back in a very friendly way. She said thank you for bringing my stuff back and she said that she did read the letter. She didn’t say what her thoughts were with the letter but I did not expect that she would. The next day I went to a party from the university. It was a really big one and I knew that she was going to be there aswell but I thought what are the odds that I see her (I did already see her on another party a few weeks after she broke up, she clearly wasn’t happy then and later that night I saw her sitting outside of the room where the party was with a friend. She was looking at the ground and I think that she was crying. I had some beers so I didn’t think it was right for me to say something to her so I didn’t). But ok, so there was that very large party at the university and I thought what are the odds that I would see her. And yes you could have guessed it, of course I saw her at the party and totaly unexpected. I was looking for my friend who I went to the party with. I turned my back and suddenly there she was, standing right in front of me and looking right into my eyes. From the look of her face she was still not very happy. We looked each other in the eyes for 2-3 seconds, then I looked away and walked away. I still don’t know as of today if that was the right thing to do or if I should’ve said hi but in my mind at that moment I was in complete panic mode. I did not expect that at all. She didn’t text me about that akward moment afterwards and I didn’t text her about it either. Then Newyear came, I did not see her but she did not wish me a happy newyear either. Actually she did but not personaly. She had put a happy newyear snap on her Snapchat in her story. Now I did not send her a happy newyear either so. And then, the 4th of January, her birthday. I send her a happy birthday via text and I told her to make a very nice day of it. She texted me back and said thank you. Since then I have not interacted with my ex anymore. I did saw her in the library at school but I’m not sure if she saw me. Maybe something I shouldn’t say but I still thought, when I saw her a few days ago in the library, that she didn’t look very well. Which concerns me on the other hand aswell because I still care alot about her and I still really want her back. Now something important to say is that in that letter I wrote to her, a few days before Christmas with that box with her stuff, that I told her I was going to leave her alone especially during the exams and that I would only send her something when it was really important (for instance her birthday). During the whole period I saw some things on social media that gives me mixed feelings. A week ago she liked a post about magic (something where I’m really into but she isn’t). It was from a facebookpage I knew she followed when we were a couple. But strangly she still follows it and she liked that post. On the other hand she put herself on interested on a party after the exams. The name of the party is Find your boyfriend/girlfriend party (litteraly translated from Dutch). Now I have to say that it is again one of these really big party’s and a lot of people is going to it but still. These things concern me and I don’t know if she still thinks about me. She does still watches everything I put in my story on Snapchat.
Now, I have this idea and I don’t know if it is good or not. After the exams I want to send her a text asking her if we could meet up one last time so I could say some things that I want to say for a very long time. In that text I am going to say that I’m not going to beg or anything but that I just want to say goodbye and farwell personally. I still do have something that I want to give her back and I could give it back then. On the one hand I can’t get her out of my head and if I can say these things to her personally I think this would really help me. On the other hand I don’t want to blow up my chances of getting her back. If she sais yes to it and she does want to meet up, ofcourse I would look at my best and I would really try to control my feelings. I would talk to her in a very respectfull way about the relationship but not to much. I would not ask her to much and I hope that she would be friendly if I do that. Of course I’m not going to say goodbye completly cause that would mean that I would give up. If the meeting goes well I would say that I am going to leave her alone now and that I will promise her that I will send something to her months from now. If everything goes according to plan then I will leave that meeting and she would have the feeling damn, he did change. Then my reattraction plan will take place, I am going to use social media to win her back partly. I am going to put much more work into my hobby’s and sports and I am going to do much more with my best friends (that she knows aswell, because we all went to London together once). I will even put magic related videos on my page where I do some tricks and I will show the world that I have changed. A month or two months later I hope to “accidently” bump into her at school and to have a nice talk with her then. My question for you guys is, is it a good idea? I know that it is a very bold move and that I can really fuck this up. On the other hand I think this could work and I would blame myself even more if I wouldn’t atleast try to win her back.
Sorry for this extremely long post but I had a lot to say. I really feel with you guys aswell and I hope you all win your exes back.

Regards
Simon