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It hurts so much more having tried and probably failed. Second guessing everything. If only i had timed thibgs better and not followed everythint precisely
I agree. I didn’t apologize for anything.
Her cousin and I have been talking quite a bit. She suggested that I shouldn’t have stopped talking to her by closing things off just like that though. That if and when things go bad with this guy, she’ll most likely call me. So I responded shortly, just saying ill be fine. And that I wish her the best always, too.Now I’m going absolute no contact.
Patricia, initially, reading through your posts in different threads, I thought you were sometimes very blunt, and contradicted a lot of what Kevin wrote. But you seem to have a lot of experience and I really appreciate your input now. Kevin is just one person, and his advice is not absolute. All of this is so tricky, with no guarantees. Thank you. Thank you leidy too. I probably wont post much in this thread for a bit, because I’m not planing on pushing any much further for a little bit. At least until after a bit of NC and hopefully this rebound falls a part.
I appreciate the straight forward responses btw. I think I did lose focus. I stopped being calm and cool.
She and I are both sensetive people when it comes to this stuff. And she’s already very stressed with work. I need to be the one she can look to for hapiness, not another stressor. I know her well and can handle her emotions unlike the rebound guy. And even an idiot like him must have some sort of regret for leaving his gf and kids and doing this so quickly. All that should complicate things with them.
I just need to breathe, calm myself, and refocus.
Thanks you two. I really have noone else to talk to.
Well, admittedly I am posting more on here to you guys than anything else. And in being honest im sure my confusion, stress, and pain are showing through. Im sure she knows how I feel too. But I haven’t said anything more to her than that “goodbye” and dont plan to talk to her for 30 more days unless contacted. Since we drive past eachother and see eachother so regularly, I will probably start waving again. If you think it would help at all, I can respond to her, apologizing for my reaction and continue with the NC. Its probably best to just let it be though. I’ll be out of town soon for most of the summer fishing. Maybe the summer is the time we need apart.
Thinking about the timing of things, I did go out with another girl once as per Kevin’s article advice. It only made me want my ex back more. She may have seen us and decided to move forward with the rebound because of that. I feel bad questioning things now because I thought it was all working and going well too.
I should have re-read the 5 steps and the rebound article again before allowing my emotions to show and control me. I know I will have to let them be, and will need to wait a while before initiating anything again. I feel like I had beenmaking great progress, but obviously something went wrong if she chose to enter a rebound relationship. She was confused and she’s trying to move on. But at the same time I needed to let her know what she was doing hurt and was not ok. Maybe i should explain myself more specifically to her and then continue with the NC
You’re right. The last two days I did go out of my way to check on them. I already knew, and reconfirming they were together only makes it hurt more. I’m stopping that right away. It also puts me in a bad light
Last night I had a few drinks and sent her “goodbye. :(” and then deleted her # completely.
I made a subtle post on facebook that I was sad. Some of her extended family have an idea what’s going on and have been sending me messages of encouragement, and her cousin has been talking to me about things today, including sharing that before we split up, I had planned on proposing to her in a very special place, with a very special ring. Her cousin was in awe. Ive tried to be very non-objective, and fair about what I say. Im sure some of it will get back to my ex.
Today she drove by and smiled at me. I didn’t wave or really smile back. I just looked into her eyes. She just sent me a text saying she’s “sorry that im hurt. She understands. She noticed I had unfriended her on Facebook and that she also understands that.” And that she “only wishes the best for me, always.”
I haven’t responded and probably won’t just to keep up the No Contact.
I should clarify, she didn’t actually move in. Just spending all her time there. Im almost positive it will be a flash in the pan rebound for both of them. I just cant believe she would involve herself in that sort of thing with that sort of person. He was unfaithful and abusive to his last girlfriend, and she knows this! I feel this huge pit of empty rotteness in my stomach. Patricia, you were right to point out that she probably meant it when she thought I would accept just being friends while at the same time acting more than just friends. Last night they drove by me and she waved, while he looked away. I just shook my head “No” which made her do a double take. We passed eachother again driving today and she smiled and waved again. This time I did a subtle half wave. I dont want to be rude, and should be friendly, but im just having a really hard time wanting to show any acceptance or approval.
The job, I think I mentioned I took on another job as soon as it became available. Winters are extremely slow here in alaska. I now have a full time job during the school year, which compliments and will help grow my budding commercial fishing in the summer. I was making all the right moves to improve my situation, and had been before we split. It was just a matter of timing.
Found our more info from a friend. Shes basically been stringing me along while also with this guy who was cheating on his gf with her. His gf and the kids moved out and now she’s up there. I thought so much better of her. Unfriended her on facebook, deleted our call/text log, and changed the name on her #.
This guy is a dirtbag. It wont last. But im not going to hurt myself anymore, persuing her.
I had to do it. I went back this morning and watched her leave the house. Im initiating no contact now.
I want to just ask her, but should I? Maybe say it feels like shes getting more distant and just ask if shes seeing someone? Is knowing ultimately going to make me feel any better?
If shes with someone, do I still say she and i “cant just be friends” and drop contact, or would that now make me look immature and push her closer to him?Big stories and updates asside, I spent more time with her. But something seemed a little different. There was a bottle of an alcohol she doesnt drink, in the kitchen. She ignored a phone call that morning and was careful that I didn’t see her phone. She has texted me less and less, and isn’t online as much. She asked when Id be off work to meet up, but then cancelled shortly after.
Tonight I see her car overnight at a guys house. (I was at a friend’s two houses down, and walked by on my way home.) He has, or had, a gf and kids so I’m not sure what’s going on but am assuming the worst. There’s no other real explanation for her being there at 3am. I know he texted and flirted with her at least once while she and I were together, and know he has cheated on his gf. But to my knowledge she never responded to it. Though she did spend time helping him sign up for a program though her work.
I realize I thought I was healed, but all this hurting….. Since I seemed to be making good progress with the plan, I had my hopes up. Im not going to over react or bring it up to her. And the best thing that I can probably do is initiate a second full no contact. Possibly for longer as Patricia suggested. And all I can do is hope this isnt what it seems, or hope its a failed rebound.
I still love her with all my heart. I feel horrible.
Sorry Im reading this real quick before work. Maybe I missed it. If he’s contacting you and doesn’t want you to go no contact, have you guys started talking about things at all? He seems interested.
I know I’m overreacting but it seems like right after I made this post she flipped a switch and is hardly talking. Like we were mid conversation. Oh well. Funny how 72hours seems like an eternity. She’s busy and stressed with work. Im trying not to bug her. I texted her a picture of ssome food I made and she asked where hers was, so I ended up dropping some off for her. That counts for something. 🙂 So I’ll give it another day. Thanks for the responses guys.
