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I had to do it. I went back this morning and watched her leave the house. Im initiating no contact now.
Scotch Im here for you. I imagine that hurts so bad, but you know that you have to endure it. That pain its only temporary. It is just like losing somebody. In about three months you will accept the death and learn to live with it. Find ways to cope with your pain. Good luck. You can always contact me for a talk. My email is [email protected]
Found our more info from a friend. Shes basically been stringing me along while also with this guy who was cheating on his gf with her. His gf and the kids moved out and now she’s up there. I thought so much better of her. Unfriended her on facebook, deleted our call/text log, and changed the name on her #.
This guy is a dirtbag. It wont last. But im not going to hurt myself anymore, persuing her.
OMG! Im very sorry. If she was stringing you along, she is not a very good future gf. I don’t think that you deserve that type of woman. You deserve better. Take this time to build up your self esteem. Just know people can make mistakes. Forgive and live your life. Let her do what she pleases to do.
I know you must be heartbroken! It would be best to focus on yourself for now and try not to dwell on her moving in with someone else. I had mentioned earlier about your ability to support a family and wonder if you’ve taken a stable job where you have a steady paycheck coming in. What about your education or job skills?
Absolute no contact is the way to go for now. She might reach out in the future, but don’t get your hopes up too high. Don’t obsess about her and concentrate on your own life. Best wishes..
I should clarify, she didn’t actually move in. Just spending all her time there. Im almost positive it will be a flash in the pan rebound for both of them. I just cant believe she would involve herself in that sort of thing with that sort of person. He was unfaithful and abusive to his last girlfriend, and she knows this! I feel this huge pit of empty rotteness in my stomach. Patricia, you were right to point out that she probably meant it when she thought I would accept just being friends while at the same time acting more than just friends. Last night they drove by me and she waved, while he looked away. I just shook my head “No” which made her do a double take. We passed eachother again driving today and she smiled and waved again. This time I did a subtle half wave. I dont want to be rude, and should be friendly, but im just having a really hard time wanting to show any acceptance or approval.
The job, I think I mentioned I took on another job as soon as it became available. Winters are extremely slow here in alaska. I now have a full time job during the school year, which compliments and will help grow my budding commercial fishing in the summer. I was making all the right moves to improve my situation, and had been before we split. It was just a matter of timing.
You’re correct; no need to be rude, but continue absolutely no contact. If you see her pass by again, you could pretend not to see her. Of course you shouldn’t show approval for what she’s doing. If you get into a situation where she talks with you, don’t downgrade the other guy and don’t tell her she shouldn’t be with him. Just casual conversation to see how she’s doing and end it quick. Don’t go over to her place while she’s still involved with the other guy! Maybe this guy gives her lots of compliments and is very affectionate. Anyway, I wish you luck with your business!
Hi Scotch I back Patricia on her words. Shes right do not show approval. Don’t wave or whatever. When you see their car look away fast so she thinks you didnt see them. Keep up you No Contact. Which means not asking friends about her. I think the less you know the better. To me you sound like you turned into a stalker. Please do not stalk her. Don’t drive by their houses to check out which car is parked. You are hurting yourself more than you should.
You’re right. The last two days I did go out of my way to check on them. I already knew, and reconfirming they were together only makes it hurt more. I’m stopping that right away. It also puts me in a bad light
Last night I had a few drinks and sent her “goodbye. :(” and then deleted her # completely.
I made a subtle post on facebook that I was sad. Some of her extended family have an idea what’s going on and have been sending me messages of encouragement, and her cousin has been talking to me about things today, including sharing that before we split up, I had planned on proposing to her in a very special place, with a very special ring. Her cousin was in awe. Ive tried to be very non-objective, and fair about what I say. Im sure some of it will get back to my ex.
Today she drove by and smiled at me. I didn’t wave or really smile back. I just looked into her eyes. She just sent me a text saying she’s “sorry that im hurt. She understands. She noticed I had unfriended her on Facebook and that she also understands that.” And that she “only wishes the best for me, always.”
I haven’t responded and probably won’t just to keep up the No Contact.
Scotch you were doing so good. Following Kevins advices. I suggest you do the five steps again. Just never reach out to her. Let her come to her senses. Plus everyone knows you turned into a mess. Im very sorry foreal you sound really hurt. I have been there before. And I made lots of mistakes too, but I knew they weren’t worth it. I never got back because I never tried. This getting ex back its very new to me. I dont know what works, but I do know what doesn’t work. Beggin and looking like the victim. She responded just like I expected she would. She just felt sorry and wish you would move on.
June is your month. You will rebuild your self esteem and have confidence in yourself. You will be happy alone. Im rooting for you. I can’t wait to see an update of the new you. Best of luck!
I should have re-read the 5 steps and the rebound article again before allowing my emotions to show and control me. I know I will have to let them be, and will need to wait a while before initiating anything again. I feel like I had beenmaking great progress, but obviously something went wrong if she chose to enter a rebound relationship. She was confused and she’s trying to move on. But at the same time I needed to let her know what she was doing hurt and was not ok. Maybe i should explain myself more specifically to her and then continue with the NC
There’s no need to explain yourself more specifically! She already knows how you feel and what you want. Just continue no contact indefinitely.. No need to initiate anything! She’s with someone else and has little regard for what you think or how you feel. Sorry to be so blunt, but that’s the sad truth. Try to stay away from Facebook and don’t post anymore sad stuff. I’m sorry about what you’re going through, but in time things will get better and the sadness will fade. Continue to focus on your business and the good life you have:)
If you want her back please follow Patricias advices. You are right about her just giving it a try at moving on. We all know she will definitely move on if you keep giving her ego boosts and explaining anything to her. Right now she shouldn’t even know you are thinking about her and that it hurt you bad. Here is an idea you can tell us your feelings instead of her. In the other hand if you want her to move on and forget you, just keep doing what your doing. Maybe one day you will realize that you are driving her away.
My words sound harsh but I believe you are getting out of control. Since I first came to this board I said Scotch knows what he is doing. I even thought you got back with her. I see you didn’t, but there is still hope for the future. Maybe one day life will get you back together. Let time speak. Don’t overwhelm your ex with your sad feelings. She is also a human and she has feelings. Don’t stress her out or you will never hear from her again.
Well, admittedly I am posting more on here to you guys than anything else. And in being honest im sure my confusion, stress, and pain are showing through. Im sure she knows how I feel too. But I haven’t said anything more to her than that “goodbye” and dont plan to talk to her for 30 more days unless contacted. Since we drive past eachother and see eachother so regularly, I will probably start waving again. If you think it would help at all, I can respond to her, apologizing for my reaction and continue with the NC. Its probably best to just let it be though. I’ll be out of town soon for most of the summer fishing. Maybe the summer is the time we need apart.
Thinking about the timing of things, I did go out with another girl once as per Kevin’s article advice. It only made me want my ex back more. She may have seen us and decided to move forward with the rebound because of that. I feel bad questioning things now because I thought it was all working and going well too.
I appreciate the straight forward responses btw. I think I did lose focus. I stopped being calm and cool.
She and I are both sensetive people when it comes to this stuff. And she’s already very stressed with work. I need to be the one she can look to for hapiness, not another stressor. I know her well and can handle her emotions unlike the rebound guy. And even an idiot like him must have some sort of regret for leaving his gf and kids and doing this so quickly. All that should complicate things with them.
I just need to breathe, calm myself, and refocus.
Thanks you two. I really have noone else to talk to.
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