Pandabear

My gf broke up with me too, we haven’t spoken in a long time, not the full 30 days yet, but still, it seems so long if you are used to talking to them every day for years in a row. Anyways at the start I told myself that she was missing me too and thinking about us and all that, keeping her busy or keeping up appearances.. but now, I don’t know anymore. I broke NC two weeks ago or something to tell her that I missed her and she told me I was making her feel uncomfortable and all that so yeah..Since then we haven’t spoken anymore, me because I’m on the NC again and her..I don’t know, either she doesn’t care anymore or she’s on a NC of her own or she is expecting me to make the first “move” again..I’m clueless..

Like I said, at the start I really thought she was missing me too, now I just think she’s moving on with her life..I don’t really know how you can erase such a long and good relationship out of your mind to the point where you don’t even feel the need to talk to me anymore but yeah.. (ps. I didn’t do anything horrible or something, she just felt she wasn’t herself anymore and wasn’t happy etc she also knows I never hurt her on purpose and that we have problems you can easily solve but yeah..).

Thanks for your replies.

Trust me bro, it doesn’t sound more promising here at all. Her feelings changed towards the end you know, she wasn’t feeling happy anymore in our relationship and a simple NC rule isn’t going to change those feelings back. It will give me the time to learn to accept the fact that we might never get back together again and it might give her the chance to forget all about the negative things we had in our relationship, but none of this guarantees we will ever end up back together. I mean, we were a dream couple, talked about everything, had the same sense of humor, interests, hell, we even finished eachother sentences or one of us didn’t even have to say anything, but the other person would know what they wanted. But I fucked up, I didn’t cheat or anything, but I ignored the fact that there were issues in our relationship and that she was fighting hard for us, while I pretended everything was fine. Maybe I couldn’t accept the fact that something was wrong in our relationship, maybe I was too stubborn to work on my mistakes, well, look where it got me..

I can’t find the strength to delete her from FB nor do I think it will be good for me. Guys have always liked my GF’s pictures, I just try not to focus too much on it, granted it’s not always that easy, usually I just check for names of guys that I know to have ever had a crush on her or something. Not saying she ever had anything with them but yeah..I’ve also known her long enough to be sure of the fact that she doesn’t even have the slightest interest in other guys right now. She knows how I feel and I know how she feels, we still love eachother, we miss eachother, but she just doesn’t have the energy or strength anymore to put in our relationship right now. If that will ever change? Only God knows. A man can only hope.

But yeah, deleting her from FB and not having a single clue whatsoever anymore as to what she is doing, nah, that would mess with me even more.

I’m confused too bro, I’m only semi-applying the NC rule right now, because I feel way worse when I’m not contacting her than when I am, you know, we’ve been good friends for six years before we even started dating, I can’t just start ignorning her and this might sound weird, but I also NEED her to get through this. She is the only one that really understands me. I’m not saying you should text her everyday, neither do I, but when I have a hard time and I need to get something off my chest, I text her and she understands. Don’t get me wrong tho’ I’m not constantly begging or pleading on behalf of our relationship, but just knowing she’s still there, it helps. But I guess this is different for everyone.

Also this weekend she is leaving on holidays (normally I would’ve been there too but yeah 🙁 sad times) anyways, she is leaving for two weeks and I’m going to try to not contact her for those 14 days. Give myself the time to get better and give her the time (according to the guide) to forget all the negative associations with our relationship. It’s not 30 days, I know, but f* it, 14 will have to do for now. To be honest, I’m thankfull that she is going on holidays, I feel this will make the NC easier for me for some reason. I know who she’s with, I know where she’s at, that will be 14 days of alot less wondering about things for me.

But to be honest, if she wasn’t leaving and I would have to continue the NC..I don’t know if I’d be able too..I also have my first therapist meeting while she is away, I sought out professional help, because I have the feeling I need it, not only to talk about everything, but also to figure out my own issues and why I could be such an asshole sometimes.

So yeah, I’m not following this guide to the letter, sure I’m following some tips and tricks or some advice that’s in there, but I’m also following my gut feeling. But like I said, everyone is different, you need to find the best way for yourself to help process this.

By the way, what are you supposed to do if they initiate contact? Do you just ignore it? Because my ex just started talking on FB after 3 days of silence and to be honest I don’t know what to do, well, I know I shouldn’t reply if I’m following the NC rule but still, what are you supposed to do if she wants to talk, face to face? Do you always decline it or do you accept it or do you only accept it if you know what you are going to talk about?

Work doesn’t help me much either, mostly because right now I have a job that doesn’t require much brain activity..I guess the only upside it has is that it fatigues me and the days are over sooner, because I have to go to bed early, but I have way too much time to think about everything during work, which isn’t all that great. It still beats sitting at home and constantly checking FB or re-reading old texts tho’.

The problem is also that I probably was the biggest reason of our break-up. I have to be honest and admit that I wasn’t always the easiest person to live with. And I’m aware that I probably have underlying (I don’t know if that’s the right word) issues or stress or anxieties, hence why I’m also going to see a therapist. So I’m afraid she also won’t start REALLY missing me or thinking about giving it another chance unless she sees I’ve changed or that I’m at least really trying to change now.

So, I guess it’s basically up to me to avoid a second breakup, but it’s up to her to decide if there ever will even be a second chance.

Thank you for your reply