ofoto

I remember the first time we got back together, I asked her “what if I didn’t try to get you back or did what I had done to get you back?” To which her response was “that would have been it, I get over things easily.” That’s been fucking with my head a lot. I feel used and like she never loved me, like I was just fun for her or something. I’m angry at myself for not catching the signs sooner and ending up in this scenario.
I’ve also been following the work of Corey Wayne where he suggests to walk and never look back, meaning that the no contact period doesn’t end unless the ex reaches out first. He says it’s self-demeaning to reach out to someone who rejected you

I’m worried that I sabotaged my chances when my friend sent that message about the money. That was one week ago. I know I’m emotional and still irrational. I can’t believe I let this girl mess with my head so much. I know it’s completely my own fault for feeling this way

Yeah I mean obviously whatever she has going on with this dude is something she doesn’t want to give up. In fact, she dumped my ass and chose that whole situation over me in my eyes. It’s hard to imagine that even if she came crawling back that I could ever trust her again. I mean, how can you trust someone who says they’d marry you one day then dumps you via text the very next day over something that’s completely reasonable to be upset about. It takes two to tango, and it can’t be so one sided to the point where we can’t talk about our issues like adults.

Even if I’m not inherently disposable, she sure as shit made me feel like it. Maybe I’m being pessimistic, but even the best case scenario of this seems pretty grim to me. An interesting note about her is that her long term relationships before me were both extremely long distance (not even real relationships in my opinion) and the only one not long distance before me lasted only three months. Maybe that speaks more to who she is than it does about me (my last relationship was 4.5 years.) Anyway, I’m obviously distressed over this and trying to stay positive. I want to believe in us but I also don’t want to carry a torch of false hope

I’m not sure if I should even contact her once the NC period has ended.. As I said I still feel like a piece of garbage tossed out the window and totally disrespected that it was done by text. I guess that is something I will have to consider once I’ve put enough NC time in.
I’m doing all the things I need to be doing by spending time at the gym, hanging with friends, focusing on goals, etc. Despite this I’m still having trouble wrapping my head around how the whole thing happened. It’s crazy to me that we went from a passionate relationship to nothing via a text conversation. Do you have any thoughts on how it specifically went down? Or do you think I should just say fuck it and not even think about things.
I’m of the opinion that she wanted to have her cake and eat it too. I’m not sure if there’s anything between her and that dude but all I can do is speculate and try not to assume the worst. I saw her on tinder a few days later which made me think that if they had anything that it was whatever. Idk, it’s just driving me crazy