mhyy

Julia,

I’m sorry that you have a hard time. To be honest, we really can’t tell what he’s thinking. But I understand how you feel as I made the same mistake too and I regret it a lot. So what you can do now is to focus on yourself and keep your attitude that you are not a safety net to him. If you can truly hold that attitude and become a more confident person, next time when you see him / he contacts you, he will sense it.

Athens,

If you are interested in my story, you can read here:

is this a rebound relationship?., and do i have a chance to get her back?

Long story short, he broke up with me after 7 and a half years, saying he has to deal with some personal issues and I was so foolish to believe that he will come back after he deal with them. After that, he was seeing others while telling me he still loves me. He even told me he will get back with me after he let go of his ex (the girl he’s seeing after he broke up with me, and probably the person he fell in love with when he’s still with me). So i wait for him for another year and even develop like friends-with-benefit relationship. (I regret this part the most). I didn’t see anyone during this period, as my heart was totally with him…

About a month ago, he told me he’s seeing someone else again. I FINALLY wake up this time and realize that I really need to move on. To be honest, I am still not sure if I wanna get back with him, I do the NC all for my own good. I can’t be someone’s doormat anymore. I want a proper and good relationship.

The communication between me and my ex is still open. We keep talking and chatting before my NC. But after the NC, I realize that I am the one who used to initiate the contact and it takes him 38 days after my NC to contact me, and all of a sudden saying things like I should show him more that I wanna get back with him…really funny…

Day 38 of NC. My ex sent me text today for the first time of my NC. I replied because I think it’s been more than 30 days of NC, I feel like I can be cool when I replied him and I know that my ex is very stubborn, if I don’t reply him, he will believe that I really hate him (because I have always contacted him after we broke up).

Anyway, the text messages was something saying he misses me and still loves me lots (but he’s seeing someone else). He said I probably hate him as I didn’t contact him for a while. I said I didn’t, i just thought to it’d better to give us some space as he’s seeing someone else. He started to ask me if I miss him and said he’s willing to give up everything to get back with me again. I asked him if that’s what he wanna do and he said I should show him more that I want him back. (When he broke up, he said that one of the problem is that I didn’t love him enough, which of course that’s not true! but a few months later he confessed that he fell in love with someone else). I told him that I have shown him that for the last two years (we have broken up for two years already and yes, i have been an idiot for staying around and hope that he will get back with me for the last two years…) He kept asking me what I want him to do, but i didn’t answer him. I just told him to think about himself, if he’s serious with getting back together, we can talk about it later.

Maybe you guys won’t believe it, but i am not happy or thrill when he texted me. Because it’s not the first time he sent me such messages. He has been sending these several times for the last two years, but every time when I told him that I wanna get back with him, it’s another disappointment. Today, I realized that actually he just wants assurance from me that I am always there for him, so that he can continue his life. He has his personal issues, and he’s aware of it. The last time we chatted before NC, he told me he wanna work on his issues and ask me to stay away from him, he didn’t wanna involve and hurt me again when he’s getting out of his mess. Today when we talked, I told him he should sort out his issue first if he wanna get back together, but then he said the issue is that I should show him I want him back…how hilarious…I am really disappointed that he didn’t work on himself, but that’s something I can’t help him now.

I just wanna say that this is the first time after we broke up, I can be so clear that I shouldn’t believe in what he said. I am not the idiot anymore. I told myself that if he wanna get back together, he should be the one to show me. If this happened in the last two years, I think I have rushed and told him that how much I love him and how much I want to get back with him. All these thanks to NC, it cleared my mind and helped me gain back some dignity in front of my ex.

I still haven’t figured out if I still wanna get back with him to be honest. I will continue my NC, and I won’t see him until I feel like I am ready and become a better version of me. I hope my experience can give some encouragement to those who are struggling with NC. We all know how hard it is, but please hang in there, and your hard work will pay off later. 🙂

Suzy,

Maybe you can tell your ex that you need some space and time now and hope that she can respect you and not to contact you until you are ready, so you won’t appear to be too bitter and hurt.

I just wanna tell you are on the right track and hand in there, dear, you will be fine and you can always find support here whenever you need it. It’s always the hardest at the very beginning of NC, but things will get better. I am in Day 35 of NC, I won’t say I am totally over my ex, but I think I am much better than the first two weeks.

And about helping your ex to fix her problem, I totally agree that you should do it after NC. I have made the very big mistake that when my ex first broke up with me, I didn’t do NC and I stayed around him. I thought he needs someone to help him about his career and personal issues. But the truth is I can’t really help him when I am broken myself. And the worse is we both get ourselves into a bigger mess when we kept contacting each other. So finally I decided to apply NC and focus on myself. I still think about my ex all the time, wonder if he’s doing well and if he’s working on himself as he told me before I apply NC. But I know I can’t help him if I am not ready yet and sometimes I will told myself that NC is good for both of us when I feel weak and wanna contact him. Maybe you can use this to motivate yourself too when you feel down (but of course, the main purpose of NC is still about yourself). 🙂

Day 27 of NC…I am so glad that there is such a post when I am so desperate and want some advice and encouragement. Reading all of your post make me feel less lonely and give me hope that things will get better.

Really feel down today…my ex didn’t contact me during NC (I don’t know whether it’s a good thing or not..), but deep down I miss him and hope he will talk to me. We chat frequently before I applied NC.

Last sat he changed his facebook profile pic (I know I shouldn’t check it out…) and I guessed he just went to Disneyland with his new girlfriend. It sucks and all kinds of emotions came up…I felt so angry, sad, unfair, hopeless….

Actually I am still not sure if I wanna get back with him…but still I can’t suppress all those negative emotions. I am going to gym, busy at work, going out with friends…but still I lack confidence and feel like I can’t find anyone who love me anymore (I have been with my ex for more than 7 years and I feel like I really don’t know how to date anymore…)

What else you guys do in NC? please share anything you think it’s good, I really wanna get rid of these negative emotion and build up my confidence.