No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

SuzyLou,

I can totally relate. It’s really hard not to think about your ex and wonder what they’re doing. For me, I don’t know if my ex wants to get back together. And like you said, will he do any changing if he does want to get back together? Or does it not matter to him? I’m trying to focus on bettering myself, and I know it will be good even if he doesn’t want me back, but a little part of me will feel let down, because I know a little part of me wants to become a better person for him as well, not just for me (though most of it is for me)!

And Alikat, I’d say do NC. He blocked you because he was hurt. But give him a few days or a few weeks, I bet he’ll be unblocking you and telling you he misses you. And if not, maybe he just needs more time. 🙂

Suzy,

Maybe you can tell your ex that you need some space and time now and hope that she can respect you and not to contact you until you are ready, so you won’t appear to be too bitter and hurt.

I just wanna tell you are on the right track and hand in there, dear, you will be fine and you can always find support here whenever you need it. It’s always the hardest at the very beginning of NC, but things will get better. I am in Day 35 of NC, I won’t say I am totally over my ex, but I think I am much better than the first two weeks.

And about helping your ex to fix her problem, I totally agree that you should do it after NC. I have made the very big mistake that when my ex first broke up with me, I didn’t do NC and I stayed around him. I thought he needs someone to help him about his career and personal issues. But the truth is I can’t really help him when I am broken myself. And the worse is we both get ourselves into a bigger mess when we kept contacting each other. So finally I decided to apply NC and focus on myself. I still think about my ex all the time, wonder if he’s doing well and if he’s working on himself as he told me before I apply NC. But I know I can’t help him if I am not ready yet and sometimes I will told myself that NC is good for both of us when I feel weak and wanna contact him. Maybe you can use this to motivate yourself too when you feel down (but of course, the main purpose of NC is still about yourself). 🙂

Hey guys
I need some advice. So after 50 days of NC, I wasn’t planning to contact my ex though to my special situation( me contacting him didn’t seem appropriate and I wasn’t comfortable doing that)I bumped in to him two days ago and we talked. I was all happy and he noticed the changes in my body, appearance and behavior. He was a bit shocked I think to see the changes. Specialy when he started sort of crying and I could see that he was surprised by my calmness and my happy attitude.but even after this time, he said( without me asking of course)that this break up had to be done cause we fight a lot. And he said I will remember you and our relationship till the end of time. I acted so cool about what he said and I acted like a completely moved on and a very happy girl.
He didn’t contacted me during NC and even after this visit he hasn’t contacted. I just talked to his mom and she said that he was so upset after he saw me and he seemed quite sad and when his mom had started to argue with him about me( cause she’s on my side )he said( whith a sad and partly angry tone)don’t worry about her she was so happy and bla bla bla when I saw her. She dyed her hair and she got so much thiner and etc.
it’s simple. I still want him back. But his mind is made up even after I did all those things. I am a completely different girl and I could sense that he saw it to but still no news. What should I do guys? Pleaaaase help.

So, I messaged my ex last night (who has been trying to contact me since Day 1 of NC) because I had to let her know why there is NC for a while. She didn’t reply until today, and I think she tried calling me too but it said Unavailable so I didn’t answer thinking it was her. Anyway, her text said “I understand. It’s so hard not talking to you and not knowing if you are okay. I was so happy and relieved to hear that you found a roommate. You are in my thoughts and prayers.”

I feel like she views me as some wounded animal. Seems like she only has concern over my well being and that’s why she wants to talk to me. Shouldn’t she miss me at least a little? I mean, she’s been up and down with me since the break up. Wanting to have a future with me to not having a future with me..back to feeling like it would never work..back to suggesting we have children together..to having feelings for her rebound to only being her friend. Idk anymore. I’m discouraged. I haven’t seen her in 5 days. She only attempted to see me once. (Which I ignored the attempt) I just had to start over NC because of an issue with the security deposit for the house I’m living in.

It bothers me because it’s not the kind of missing me I’m hoping for. I know it’s still early, but yeah. She seems to think of me as someone that needs to be looked after. That shit bugs me to no end. I’m one of the strongest people I know..and she even says it, but yet, she only wants to keep in touch to make sure I’m all right.. as if I am incapable. I’ve never been incapable. I’ve been on my own or with her since I was 17! This pisses me off and hurts me too.

I guess this should light an even bigger fire under my ass to stay motivated to make real changes physically, emotionally and mentally.
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Thank you, Athens. I’m trying. =\

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Morvarid,

I am so afraid of having the same thing happen. If I improve everything about myself, I feel like she might say that the break up was a good thing for both of us. She already says too much that she isn’t good for me, etc. If I improve without her, I fear she will get the message that I am better without her and won’t attempt to connect with the new and better me.

I wouldn’t know what to do in that situation either. I wouldn’t know if I should express how great she is for me, that I think because we are both in a better mind frame we could have what we’ve always wanted together. I just dont know.. I wish you luck. I’m interested in knowing how it works out for you.

Athens,

Do you think that your ex seeming relieved and happy is possibly a show or maybe it is relief from the chaos that could’ve been happening with you two? (Idk your story)

When my ex first decided to separate herself and pursue her rebound..she said she was relieved. That she didn’t feel anxiety and was embracing the changes happening in her life, but almost a month after her mother and my ex both told me my ex was having a hard time. She couldn’t stay still for too long, she had anxiety, she was horribly confused and scared she was making a mistake, and she was sad all the time. I guess what I’m trying to say is, maybe it is true relief at first because it’s not the same stressful situation, but maybe it will end up where he misses you and is able to feel just as much relief when around you? Or maybe just not feel the stress? Maybe I am totally off or I am speaking from a place of hope for myself.

SuzyLou

this translates, obviously she is not looking at you like a wounded animal, she is struggling herself to heal. I mean you say her thoughts keep changing. From an outsiders perspective it really seems like you both miss each other dearly and want to work this out. Problem with that is that if you did that now neither one of you in emotional stable. You both need time to re energize, i honestly see your story as a success story it is just in a healing stage (ALONE, NC) right now

Morvarid,

my situation is similar, do i go be a better person and then have her think she was holding me back? no, i go make myself a better person and IF she ever wants to talk to me again i show her how i have changed but she is the missing piece to my success. And i can’t just say that down the road because then it sounds needy which is unattractive, so i am prepared to start ALL OVER again as her friend. But i doubt with how needy i already came off that i get that chance, but if your situation isn’t as fucked as mine then become her friend again with your new and improved self and eventually she’ll figure out the missing piece you’ve known all along

Thank you DanMurphy. I see what you’re saying. I think there are many things I look at the wrong way due to still being, like you said, not emotionally stable. I’ll try to be understanding of her emotions, but focus on myself, alone, while in NC. 🙂

Have a great day.