No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

Advice,

So its been a week since we broke up. 2 days of nc, i mean i drove by her house after work last night but that was 10pm and i was going about 80mph. Anyways Monday i added her friends and family on facebook and talked to her cousin for awhile (about her) before he deleted me, after he deleted me i went back through and deleted all the request i had sent. Except her bestfriend because i had forgot she sent me one. Last night while i was at work i guess she texted my mom about me adding everyone on Monday. And i guess also that on Monday her friend sent me a request on fb but it went to my “other folder” asking “do i know you”. I guess my question is i really plan on doing 90 days nc but after 30 days should i msg her friend and see if its worth it? I think she hates me so idk realistically if theres any hope but idk. My mom offered to text her at the end of the 90 days nc but i mean im 21 and shes 25 idt my mom needs to be a middle person?

Julia,

we were together for 12yrs. First loves.

Today just got hard for me. I’m texting an old friend of mine and the way he talks is pretty much exactly the same way my ex did. It makes me wish it was my ex instead. It reminds me of how things used to be and makes me really miss him. 🙁

So my ex and I broke up 10 days ago. We were together for almost 3 years. He was my first boyfriend and we were best friends. Throughout our whole relationship we talked about getting married and spending the rest of lives together as high school sweethearts. Even our families would talk about our future together. He is a year older than me and we both stayed home for college. In May, he was accepted into his dream program at his dream school 40 minutes away and was offered a free dorm room. He expected me to be upset and tell him that I didn’t want him to go away but I was so happy for him. Obviously I knew I was going to miss him but I would never hold him back from an amazing opportunity. Plus he was only going 40 minutes away and was planning on coming home on the weekends. Once he got accepted, I could feel that our relationship changed a bit. This is when he began to “disconnect” from me. On Memorial Day, I went to a party with a few of my girlfriends where a tragic accident happened and a kid died. It was a traumatic experience that changed my life and brought our whole community together. As I grieved the death, my ex was not there for me at all. I told him it bothered me that I felt I couldn’t talk to him about this. He told me it was the way he dealt with it by holding it in and not talking about it. I respected that but now realize how selfish he was. 2 weeks after the accident, I had to have major jaw surgery and I was going to be wired shut for 6 weeks. During the first week of recovery, my ex was so good to me. He took care of me and just spent time resting with me. But as time went on and I started feeling better I was just wired shut. It was so frustrating. When I would complain and vent to my boyfriend, he told me “get over it”. That really hurt. I started to feel these weird feelings in my gut about our relationship. I blamed it on him leaving for school soon. We went on a week long vacation with my family and I felt him acting different than normal. We came home on a Wednesday and things were okay. I only had these feelings when we weren’t together and when we were together, things felt really good between us. The Sunday after we got back, he asked to go on a break. I was so confused. We have been looking forward to the last 2 weeks of summer since we are both off from work before school starts. And day 1 he asks for a break?? 9 days before my birthday?? I was heart broken! He told me he needed time to be on his own. We had such a good relationship. We never went on a break and never had a bad fight. We were suppose to get married. The day before he told me how he couldn’t wait until we moved out together and got our own place. And now he’s telling me he isn’t in love with me anymore and needs time to be on his own. I understand that he’s going off to college and will be meeting new people and having new experiences but to ask for a break? Not just for a few days, he asked for weeks!!! I also know that he would never cheat. He also said that he doesn’t want to go to school and find another girl, he just wants to be on his own. The day after, his mom left me this 2 page letter in my mailbox telling me how heartbroken she is over this. His siblings even reached out to me! I was so close with his family, so not only did I lose my boyfriend, I even lost my second family. My ex and I talked after a few days of breaking up, and I told him that this is probably for the better so we can be on our own for a while. Maybe in the future we’ll get back together but its best if we just focus on ourselves for a while. I decided to do no contact since then and it has been 7 days today. I’m surprisingly doing way better than I thought I would be. I really want to go to the gym but I have been sick. I have my moments where I think of him and want to text him but for the most part I’m doing okay. I have been tweeting positive, happy things. I even got my braces off yesterday for my birthday exactly 12 weeks after my surgery. I wondered if my ex would text me for my birthday. Part of me thought he won’t text me and another part of me thought if he doesn’t he is kind of an a**hole. I was surprised to see that my ex texted me to with me happy birthday and that with my new smile I looked amazing. All I said was “Thanks” and he texted me again that I deserve the best day. Again I said “Thanks”. I didn’t count this as restarting NC because he contacted me and it was my birthday. (lol). I read the card he wrote me on Valentines Day, and although I cried through reading it, it made me feel really confused. I don’t understand how he can feel so strongly about me and then say he fell out of love with me a few months later. I know its been only 10 days, but I really truly do believe we are meant to be together. I think regardless its so important for ME to take these 30 days to focus on myself. I want to love ME!! Do you think we could eventually get back together?

SuzyLou,

Here’s part if my story

Well Idk really if its just a show or what. Honestly, I dont wanna think about it cause its just driving me nuts. Maybe she has trouble when we’re together since we couldnt really see each other since i’m unemployed and couldnt really go out a lot since i was also helping in nursing my mom. But communication is there we always talk and I always make time and effort just to go out and meet her. Idk maybe she just got tired of it, since she can be clingy. It seems like from my perspective she’s been eyeing someone or trying to get involve with someone because she’s the type where you really have to feed her affection and attention. I mean idk her that much but from the 9 months we were together and a year of knowing her that is how i see her. So right now really trying to focus on myself and get a career and just enjoy life.

And wow i feel that you have this just of working things with your ex 12 years of being together and first. Hands down to both of you. I hope you’ll work this out. And maybe yeah distance is what you really need as of the moment since both of you are emotionally unstable.

PS my ex is also my first tho im not her first (thats why i really want to work things out with her)

SuzyLou,
This is the part where i am really scared of “they’ll find worth with someone else.” If she’ll found someone else. I know that not having the money to spend time with her is really a big factor and it just sucks.

Ive been asking myself if i really still want to get back to her and how will i ever break the NC if i am sure that i want her back. Since its really tough to make contact with her.

Good luck on us. And stay strong! 🙂

DanMurphy,
That is the same as my relationship with my ex. Idk man but you just have to do the NC and redeem yourself (if you ever get to be desperate and needy after the break up) just hang in there! I know its really hard, we all are struggling with this but just keep the faith.