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My name is Suzy, and I am going on day 4 of NC. I had one slip up today. I was driving and texting (which is bad, I know) and I sent “LOL” to my ex by accident. The text was meant for someone else. She replied almost immediately after with, “What’s so funny?” Before NC, she wouldn’t reply back for a while, even days. She’s been trying to contact me since I wrote the suggested “I understand” letter before initiating NC. Yesterday, she wrote me two different messages. One stating she wants to be close and wants matching tattoos. I didn’t respond. I didn’t have the urge to either. I didn’t have the urge to reply to her reply today, but I didn’t want to come off as a blatant asshole. I replied with, “Driving. It was meant for someone else.” She then replied with, “No texting and driving woman!”
I didn’t continue with our interaction. I put my phone down and blasted music instead. I was bothered by her last text. It seems happy and platonic. She’s said that to me since the breakup in person, and it was happy and friendly. Happy and platonic coming from her kills me. What if she isn’t missing me at all? Then I start doubting NC, and the outcome I’m hoping it will produce.
During NC, I’ve read several books that have helped me understand what happened, and how I contributed to the ending of the old relationship. I’m realizing things about myself that I know can be turned around. I’ve seen a therapist as well. He doesn’t see any real issues, but he suggested I have an adjustment disorder but he isn’t 100% sure because I’d have to keep going to therapy to figure that out. An adjustment disorder is pretty much the symptoms of depression we go through during a death or breakup. I was experiencing all of them at one point.
NC is supposed to be a time of self-discovery and bettering yourself, right? Well, what if during this time my ex isn’t working on herself? Wouldn’t NC be a waste of time? I know she has read The Secret, but The Secret won’t rid her of her issues. What if at the end of NC, she is still the same? Should I still work on things with her? If I am a better person, that’s able to handle the past relationship with a clearer mind and heart, would that be enough to spark her to change in order to have an amazing future together? Besides being concerned if NC will even work for her in the same way it will work for me, I am afraid to reach the 30 days.
She refused to give up her rebound to work on things with me shortly after the breakup. After about a month, she approached me about reconnecting, and having a future together. She then turned around and told me she couldn’t work on a future with me because she still has feelings for this other girl. Then she walked out the door. A couple days later, she suggested having kids together. She became angry when I said, “No..I am going to have children with who I am meant to be with long term.” I am so confused. Contact, no contact..and what if it’s all the same in the end?
I guess, even though I am not having strong urges to text or call her, I am still struggling with IS NC THE RIGHT THING TO DO..and WILL IT BE IN VAIN IF SHE WANTS TO RECONNECT BUT HASN’T CHANGED IN A WAY THAT WILL HELP ME CREATE A LOVING, PERMANENT, RELATIONSHIP. Feeling defeated, and I’m only going on day 4. Cried twice today. Mainly because I doubt I’ll get what I know can be a great thing, and because I’ve seen babies and and people getting married.
I don’t know if I’ve posted in this thread like I was supposed to. I tried. Sorry it’s so lengthy.
S
Dear AndyK and a.z ,
Thank you so much for your support.
Dear LA,
It’s really nice to hear that you are really moving on. You’ve made the right decision.
Dear all,
My ex called me again last night . He called my cabled phone . That’s why I can’t see the incoming number. He told me that he miss me so much and beg me to come back to him. He also promised me that he will try hard and he will change his bad manner and habits. He also told me that he doesn’t force me to come back to him , just wait and see how’s he change and want me to give him back answer, later. He also told me that he wanna marry me and wanna live in the city where he was born. ( Currently , he is in that city with his dad)
He thought I am in my new relationship now and also thought I already have intimacy with new bf (sex). But truth is I haven’t any bf yet. He also ask my phone no. as I switch off my ph for 1 month.
But I don’t explain him. Just silent and listen up to him . I only reply him as ” It’s all depend on you ” .To be frank with you, I’m really so happy when he ask me to come back to him. I even smile silently as soon as I hear that. But , I’m still confused and question to myself ” Is this man really good for me for a long time ? ” As I don’t wanna break up second time. I’m so happy is because I’ve got what I really want from the past ? I can’t feel for the second time. I’m still thinking and I don’t know what to do. I need more time to get answer.
Any opinion will be appreciated and best regards to you all.
LA,
Wow! I guess it’s a good thing for you. And I wish you all the happiness you deserve. I wish I’m on the same path as you are but yeah i’ll just keep going and be strong for myself.Khine,
In my opinion, you just take your time and not rush things. Since you, yourself is in doubt of the situation you are in. If he really meant what he said I believe that he’ll wait for you to be ready again and that he’ll prove it to you.Another thing LA, i kinda feel that same too about my ex she’s just meeting and interacting with these people to use them. She’s the kind of person who’s very attention and affection seeker. Stille having a hard time though, honestly last i cried again because I’m missing my ex badly.
Dear Athens,
Thank you so much for your quick reply. Yes. I think I need time to think about that. 🙂
SuzyLou,
The NC is for you to work on yourself and not about your ex. You shouldn’t concern yourself with whatever she’s doing because at this point you have to work to improve yourself. As everyone suggested or I have read about don’t go obssess or think about your ex. It’ll be good for you too. And don’t be pressured with other people getting married or having babies.Dear Athens,
To be frank with you, I cried and wrote what I feel in the notepad of my computer ( so, no one can see ) just one day before my ex contact me. All I wrote was about my ex and how I miss him badly. 😐 still confused dude.
Khine,
Youre welcome, I’m not really sure if I have helped you. But coming from an experience, I wish I know before what I know now. My ex and I we’re on and off in our relationship and during one time where in we broken up then few days after she wanted to be together again and I just jumped into the relationship again without really thinking about it because of course its what we wanted right? To get back together again. But i realized now that i shouldnt have rush things and let the pain heal first.I understand why you are still confused even though you’re ex contacted you and want to give it another chance but of course you’re still in pain and you’re still afraid that you’ll going through it again. So for me you know even though it made you happy that he wanted you back, just give it sometime and make sure that he really wanted the relationship more this time that you do. I feel that the table’s turned now and he should be the one to prove to you that he wanted you and want the relationship work. Do you get me? I dont know if I expressed it right.
Dear Athens,
I got it. I need time to ask myself and monitor him too.
You don’t want me to jump back into this relationship so easily.
Your advice really do help me and I appreciate it.I will stick with your advice whenever I communicate with him or not.
Thank you so much Athens. Best Regards for you. 😉
Khine,
Good luck and God bless. I wish you all the best! If you’re having problems again or confused and needed advice, we got friends here to help you. 🙂Khine,
I just saw your story on another “success stories” post!!
I am so happy for you!! Play it cool and you can do this!Best luck!
today, i feel down.. school’s been really busy for me, and the stress is getting to me. but none of it is worse than missing her terribly. and i got a dose of that today 🙁 i thought i was kinda improving, until i went for a haircut and ended up talking about the breakup and joking about breakup lines with my hairdresser (he asked, i didn’t mind talking about it). i soo want to hope that i will be stronger.
tomorrow will be a brand new day, and hopefully i won’t think of her as much as now. it sucks that i have so many emotional thoughts in my head. i hope you guys are doing better! there is only one way for us – up!
I’m very hurt and upset. She hasn’t tried contacting me once. She dumped me after all these promises of marriage and love and the future. All I want to do is yell and be let her know how bad she hurt me. Two months later and I still feel this way. This hurts so badly. She won’t ever find another who cared as much as me and who always put her first.
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