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Hi Jane,
I would suggest turning off the get notifications options for his page if you are still planning on using Facebook. Maybe from any mutual friends that may post pics with him as well? It’s really helped me not to pay attention to what he’s doing.Hello-
I found that if I just turned off notifications from his page that it really helped me. I don’t have the urge to see what he’s doing because I don’t see anything from him on there and we’re still listed as friends so there are no hurt feelings.I over think things too and it’s one of my biggest problems in this situation right now! The whole concept of him saying he loves me but is afraid he’d make himself commit to my kids and I before he’s ready for it kind of makes my head spin a little. I keep thinking, “So slow down then, I don’t want that right now either, we were both so happy!”, but it doesn’t change things and then the circling starts up again. I’ve learned how to distract myself from it most of the time but it keeps popping up after hearing about him in tears over it last night. We’ll get through it though!
IA- I’m sorry you had to deal with that! Cutting out social media seems like a good idea as long as emotions are still running high sometimes. It definitely doesn’t help stability. I glad you chose to extend things a little longer, I’m sure that’ll really help you in the end!
I had a hard day yesterday. A good friend told me that he was crying on her shoulder about everything ending but that he kept saying that he made his decision and knows he has to stick with it… The information hurt so bad that I felt like I couldn’t breathe for a bit. The good person in me wants to reach out and tell him it’ll be ok but the rest of me sits here completely confused by that reaction, especially since I know he’s seeing someone else now. It’s been about a month since it ended and we haven’t actively spoken in over a week other than yesterday. I ended up having to tell him that I’m taking time away. No one has volunteered information about his reaction to that and I sincerely hope they don’t bring it up. I’m worried about being able to stay with NC like I’m planning but I know it’ll be the best thing for me.
I can sympathize with what you’re going through! My ex husband had issues with depression that would push him toward suicide and he ended up addicted to several different drugs as well. It’s hard but you can’t make him want to change his life and until he does the situation will just keep hurting you if you stay near it. I think you should try NC for a few months. If he starts to rebuild his life then go for it but if he doesn’t then I strongly suggest moving on. You need to take care of you right now! You deserve to be happy and that shouldn’t depend on someone who is unsure if they want to take care of themselves.
IA- I’m glad you’re feeling better about everything! I know that seeing them with someone can feel like a major set back, it’s good that you could bounce back like that.
Pointer- The weakness isn’t an easy thing to deal with… I officially had to restart my counter, I’m back on day 2 /sigh. It’s ok though! We’ll both find the strength to get through it!
I was wondering what you guys think about me gathering up the last few things my ex gave me and sending them back? My idea of permanent NC considering my situation makes me feel that it might be best. I don’t want the memories laying around and I know he could use the stuff. He said he wanted me to have it even if I never used it the last time we talked. The kids fear pretty much says that he isn’t changing his mind and now that he’s with the girl I thought he cheated on me with? I’m confused as to why he would want me to keep anything, it makes no sense. Thoughts on the matter?
What a.z says is true. NC is about YOU with the added side effect of making someone miss you! It’s about you being happy and a better person, someone who could be better than what they were in the relationship before, or ok without it. Try your hardest to stop paying attention to social media for a while- I know it’s one of the hardest things for me to do right now but it’s for your own good. Seeing how “happy” he is is just going to drag you down and slow your healing process. I keep wanting to look at his Facebook profile but it does nothing but hurt me when I do. Take this time to become happy and confident! Make it so that there is a new and improved you when he next sees or hears from you!
Hi again guys
Steve- I’m happy to hear that your days are feeling standard and that things aren’t getting to you emotionally like they were.a.z- You’ll get there with the stability! I just got booted into it right when I never thought it was going to happen. The fact that you can post things that are so upbeat says a lot.
marie- It sounds good that he says he definitely might be interested. The best thing about the idea of NC is that it makes you able to stand on your own feet, able to appreciate it and be better if you get someone back, and able to handle things if you don’t. It’s for your well being! Breathe through it, it does get easier and we’re all here for support.
NC as a permanent thing is definitely what I’m doing. At least as permanent as it can be- I’ll have to see him at social events and I feel that by the time I have to do it that I will be able to be very cordial. The “good” thing about him moving on with this particular person is that it has pushed me past the point of extreme pain most of the time. I’m feeling really, really numb right now. I guess I was lied to on more than one point in all of this, I’m not sure what was true and what wasn’t anymore. Things don’t really seem to completely add up thinking back on everything that happened during the entire relationship unless something was a lie somewhere, probably multiple things. I know I definitely don’t need someone like that, even if the answer is as simple as the guy has no clue what actually makes him happy/what he wants! The shattered trust is just too much to get past for me and I don’t see that changing any time soon.
Congrats Edward!!! I’m so happy that things worked out well for you.
A note on my situation- my ex has already started something with the girl he dated before me. I always wondered about it and brought it up a few times. Oh well, I guess it definitely is time to completely move on. I’m thinking about doing NC permanently. I don’t really have anything to say to him at all at this point and there’s too much broken trust for me to give friendship an honest try. I’m going to have to see him occasionally due to our friends but I feel like I should be done other than that.Thanks for the replies guys. I know that with a reason like being afraid of kids that I don’t have much chance of getting him to come back unless he calms himself down and changes his mind(which I don’t think will happen any time soon). I wouldn’t want to force it anyway, it’s just hard to deal with when I have the I care so deeply parts sounding off against the but I can’t be with you. I’m moving forward with my life and trying not to pay attention to what he does in his. I haven’t unfriended him from anything but his posts are blocked so that I don’t have to look if I want to scroll through updates. I’m hoping that the worthless feeling from having someone run instead of trying starts to fade soon… I know he wants to stay in contact but I can’t right now, not if we slip back into painfully cute behaviors around each other.
Hey guys!
I’m loving the fact that people here actually talk to each other about all of this! It’s a relief to have people around who get it.Back ground posts on me: He says he realized he loves me but isn’t ready to commit. I never asked him to commit at all but he says that he would and isn’t ready, but maybe if our lives change he can in the future. I have kids but he always told me it wasn’t a problem until he realized he wanted to tell me he was in love with me. We’re both in our early 20s and dated for about 6 months. Is it even worth trying or hoping? I’m not sure how to handle it. I think he’s afraid he’ll feel held back from living his life even though I’m not asking for that type of commitment at this point. Being afraid of kids is a big thing… They aren’t going anywhere so I’m wondering if it’s worth it to even think about trying anything after NC. His birthday is coming up soon and I’m already tempted to message him on the big day. I had plans for that day while we were still together. I keep reminding myself of the cons involved, how he said he wasn’t ready to commit to a woman with kids even though he loves me. I was forced to see him and things were friendly until we slipped into old happy patterns of behavior. We both became a little emotional and then he left. This whole situation has my head turning still! I really don’t want to breakdown, I know I’ll have to restart NC if I do.
a.z
I am dealing with someone who couldn’t seem to stop himself from saying he cares even though he wants it cut off too! It’s so hard to deal with, it makes everything confusing. I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling that strong with yourself though! Keep your head up, that last bit almost sounds like he might message again with how confused he is.Dara LA Steve
I’m giving up on social media. I’ve deleted everything I can as far messages but I can’t stop myself from looking at profiles or hoping something from him will pop up! It’s too easy to just jump over and check his page and then all the memories come back and I start wondering how he can seem that happy and did he even care?Dara
That does seem like the friend is trying to draw your attention to her! The example of conversation that you gave didn’t seem like you were forcing anything to me.
